dead.ahead
subhuman
★★★★
- Joined
- May 26, 2024
- Posts
- 805
I've went for my evening smoke in front of my shitty 7 story apartment and wanted to spend a nice, relaxing 10 minute break taking in the night air afterward. But of course, as fate would have it, I saw a 5 person group just going back from some house party. 4 Women, 1 Man (Chad), taller than them. Chatting away happily, making funny jokes amongst each other. I felt like a subhuman even though they were far away from me. I felt like running back to my room like a cockroach the exact moment I saw them. I just felt this pain in my chest, this sad paralyzing hollow feeling spreading throughout my body. I'm a fuckup. Those people are out there, partying, making memories, finding love and being content with each other - and here is me. A short, ugly fuckup who's so insecure he only lets himself go outside after dark, and only to get his nightly cancer stick fix. I wish I was never born. This is too cruel.
No matter where I go those people just show up. There is no escape from them. I can't stand being holed up in my room all the damn time, I can feel my mind literally sizzling and frying from the social impoverishment I'm experiencing every second. I need to get out there, talk to anyone. God. I can't take this anymore. My own family hates me - I can't talk to them... So I just stand there wishing for something that will never happen.
I go outside, halfway-hoping that some chick would just walk up to me, ask me for a smoke - whatever. I'm not a fucking rapist. I don't cat-call women, at day or at night. I just stand there smoking my stupid smoke. I remember just how far behind I am those people. My life does not compare to theirs, and never will. This loneliness will stay with me like my loyal hound, until the day I die. I wish I could just turn into a tree... or something. God.
No matter where I go those people just show up. There is no escape from them. I can't stand being holed up in my room all the damn time, I can feel my mind literally sizzling and frying from the social impoverishment I'm experiencing every second. I need to get out there, talk to anyone. God. I can't take this anymore. My own family hates me - I can't talk to them... So I just stand there wishing for something that will never happen.
I go outside, halfway-hoping that some chick would just walk up to me, ask me for a smoke - whatever. I'm not a fucking rapist. I don't cat-call women, at day or at night. I just stand there smoking my stupid smoke. I remember just how far behind I am those people. My life does not compare to theirs, and never will. This loneliness will stay with me like my loyal hound, until the day I die. I wish I could just turn into a tree... or something. God.