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My father always says to me that I never tried and was never an outgoing person that gave others a chance.
This is complete bullshit. I always tried to get friends/GFs, but I never had any success. Nobody (with options) ever wanted me. In school I was the starter friend for every new kid, until that kid became socially integrated and afterwards I was non-existent.
In school/in my early semesters of university I desperately tried to fit in. I even did the homework for some people, helped them to cheat on exams, outwardly wrote exams for them or helped them with the preparation. Most of the time I didn't even receive a "Thank you".
I also did work for them, I didn't snitch on people although they wronged me (like for example my labmate who constantly left before the clean-up and I then did it for him).
I never got any invitation to any private stuff and nobody voluntarily contacted me (unless it's the exam phase and then my inbox is mostly full).
And guess what: I learned that most people I helped made fun of me behind my back, being nice to people as an autistic/non-NT man is like dropping blood in the water of a shark tank.
A "friend" of mine (which I helped through the entire school) didn't look at me or even said "Hi!" as soon as I wasn't able to help him anymore due to him being in a different class now (despite me trying to reiniate contact).
I did so much things just to finally get friends/a GF or just some acceptance from others and nothing except ridicule came out of it. I didn't choose to hate others, it was the only position that enabled me to leave that shit behind.
People don't see me as a living being/complete person, they see me as a tool to use, effective when needed and dropped back into the toolbox and forgotten as soon as the work is done.
I also tried the meme of "befriending girls" - most of the time I didn't get anything, of course some minimum of politeness, but never an invitation to do private stuff after work and for the rest I was an emotional tampon.
"Friendships" with girls mean nothing, it gives you all the disadvantages of a relationship (e.g. doing emotional/physical labour) without any of the benefits (e.g. getting to spend real time with her - not just listening to her problems when she has trouble with chads and being forgotten afterwards, having sex, etc.), the absolute minimum of them even had the decency to ask me how I was doing before coming to the real reason for contacting me (e.g. what I can do for her/where she needs help).
People always think that hatred/contempt only results from a lack of experience, but for me it was the very experience with them that made me hate them. I neither understand people nor do I like them, I was a nice person, but nowadays I am generally a contemptous individual with little to no concern for others. Not because I was born like that, but because it was the only way to break out of that cycle, it is the only options if you don't have the neurotypicality and looks to become a popular/loved individual.
This is complete bullshit. I always tried to get friends/GFs, but I never had any success. Nobody (with options) ever wanted me. In school I was the starter friend for every new kid, until that kid became socially integrated and afterwards I was non-existent.
In school/in my early semesters of university I desperately tried to fit in. I even did the homework for some people, helped them to cheat on exams, outwardly wrote exams for them or helped them with the preparation. Most of the time I didn't even receive a "Thank you".
I also did work for them, I didn't snitch on people although they wronged me (like for example my labmate who constantly left before the clean-up and I then did it for him).
I never got any invitation to any private stuff and nobody voluntarily contacted me (unless it's the exam phase and then my inbox is mostly full).
And guess what: I learned that most people I helped made fun of me behind my back, being nice to people as an autistic/non-NT man is like dropping blood in the water of a shark tank.
A "friend" of mine (which I helped through the entire school) didn't look at me or even said "Hi!" as soon as I wasn't able to help him anymore due to him being in a different class now (despite me trying to reiniate contact).
I did so much things just to finally get friends/a GF or just some acceptance from others and nothing except ridicule came out of it. I didn't choose to hate others, it was the only position that enabled me to leave that shit behind.
People don't see me as a living being/complete person, they see me as a tool to use, effective when needed and dropped back into the toolbox and forgotten as soon as the work is done.
I also tried the meme of "befriending girls" - most of the time I didn't get anything, of course some minimum of politeness, but never an invitation to do private stuff after work and for the rest I was an emotional tampon.
"Friendships" with girls mean nothing, it gives you all the disadvantages of a relationship (e.g. doing emotional/physical labour) without any of the benefits (e.g. getting to spend real time with her - not just listening to her problems when she has trouble with chads and being forgotten afterwards, having sex, etc.), the absolute minimum of them even had the decency to ask me how I was doing before coming to the real reason for contacting me (e.g. what I can do for her/where she needs help).
People always think that hatred/contempt only results from a lack of experience, but for me it was the very experience with them that made me hate them. I neither understand people nor do I like them, I was a nice person, but nowadays I am generally a contemptous individual with little to no concern for others. Not because I was born like that, but because it was the only way to break out of that cycle, it is the only options if you don't have the neurotypicality and looks to become a popular/loved individual.
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