Early this morning, I thought I would sleep in when I had the most brutal dream.
In my dream, I was back in high school again. Then I had ascended, and have a girlfriend. Everything was normal now, I was finally a normal person and had a chance to develop normally. I don't want to get into the details, but it was a very lucid/vivid dream, and mostly about the imaginary girlfriend in my dream. I thought I had finally made it.
Then I woke up.
And realized that I was a 20 year old khhv who is completely ignored by everyone, haven't seen any friend for almost a year and forced to studycel having missed out on all the times I was supposed to have fun, never had a single female remotely interested in me, and my only goal right now was to slave and can get a degree in 4 years and start to wageslave and cope, and try my best to forget about everything.
I missed out on every single childhood experience possible. I always thought I'd grow tall handsome and sociable, that I'd experience everything all the other kids experience, but I ended up short ugly and awkward non-NT as fuck. Never once in my life had I been respected by others. My entire childhood and adolescence was fucked up in the worst possible ways that I don't even want to get into.
I have some of the most shitty genetics, I don't even want to clarify. Never have I felt like a confident grown ass man, on the inside I always feel like an awkward little kid because I was stunted mentally while becoming ugly physically.
Why did it have to be me? Why the fuck did it have to be me that was the loser with trash genetics and severely stunted development? I am literally the only male in my entire family including extended family that is a lonely loser incel. Even if I mog some people, they are still far more NT than me and more happy with their lives with good social circle and not a lonely stunted awkward fuck like me. WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE THAT DREAM
In my dream, I was back in high school again. Then I had ascended, and have a girlfriend. Everything was normal now, I was finally a normal person and had a chance to develop normally. I don't want to get into the details, but it was a very lucid/vivid dream, and mostly about the imaginary girlfriend in my dream. I thought I had finally made it.
Then I woke up.
And realized that I was a 20 year old khhv who is completely ignored by everyone, haven't seen any friend for almost a year and forced to studycel having missed out on all the times I was supposed to have fun, never had a single female remotely interested in me, and my only goal right now was to slave and can get a degree in 4 years and start to wageslave and cope, and try my best to forget about everything.
I missed out on every single childhood experience possible. I always thought I'd grow tall handsome and sociable, that I'd experience everything all the other kids experience, but I ended up short ugly and awkward non-NT as fuck. Never once in my life had I been respected by others. My entire childhood and adolescence was fucked up in the worst possible ways that I don't even want to get into.
I have some of the most shitty genetics, I don't even want to clarify. Never have I felt like a confident grown ass man, on the inside I always feel like an awkward little kid because I was stunted mentally while becoming ugly physically.
Why did it have to be me? Why the fuck did it have to be me that was the loser with trash genetics and severely stunted development? I am literally the only male in my entire family including extended family that is a lonely loser incel. Even if I mog some people, they are still far more NT than me and more happy with their lives with good social circle and not a lonely stunted awkward fuck like me. WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE THAT DREAM
