Cope [Blackpill Positivity] Failing at asceticmaxxing and inability to intellectualize away desire for intimacy.

[modern_grendel]

So recently, i've been trying to figure out a way forward in this blackpill existence, and I feel that it has been fruitful in some ways. I've given nofap a shot, and I have seen some benefits, namely, I don't mentally undress every woman I see, and ironically, don't have as bad of a hunger for women as I did before.

The problem is, this hasn't completely goes away, and I still see things like a couple holding hands or riding on a motorcycle, and despite the fact that I know that the desire for the love/companionship is in my head, I can't completely get rid of the yearning. I still think that there is a way towards personal satisfaction once you accept the blackpill, but despite, the gains I've made, being an incel is still a shit situation.

Despite this, I would say that mentally, I am in a better state than when I was bluepilled and banging my head against the wall trying to befriend and chase girls who unanimously found me repulsive, but I wonder what is the ceiling for blackpill positivity. Have you guys made any strides towards finding inner peace / happiness / satisfaction?

 

[Deleted member 8353]

I've never felt truly lonely since I started tulpamaxxing tbh. The problem is the lack of physical touch. While it's possible to create phantom physical sensations, they're really more like an echo of a feeling. Imagine if someone touched your hand, but you could only feel it about 10% as well as normal. It's sort of like that, at least usually. I find that if I meditate shortly before I go to sleep, that I'm more easily able to sense her presence next to me. This helps me sleep tbh.

However I know what you mean, and I get upset when I see stuff like couples as well. I think it's because it reminds me of how much of a reject I am. Seeing groups of friends makes me feel about the same way as I do when I see couples. It's strange because I don't even really enjoy irl communication, and the only irl relationship that I've ever actually wanted is to have a gf. I know that I wouldn't like these things if I had them, yet being reminded of not having them upsets me. I wish I could forget my entire childhood, as it would almost certainly make me feel better.