This is sort of related to my earlier thread about my father forcing me to fly home and threatening my life
I was in the car to the airport with my mom (long term parking is expensive, so I got her to drive me). The whole ride my father was screaming at me over the phone, about how I was ruining his life. He has been doing this non-stop for about four days, upwards of 10 twenty or so minute calls a day.
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I’m normally an incredibly passive person, I’ll let people walk all over me no problem, but I’ve always had a problem with insane blood-boiling rage that exhibits itself sometimes. And I mean fucking
blood boiling, Vein bursting, R A G E.
This was a time like that. It started with teeth grinding. I ground them so violently for 5 minutes that my mouth began to bleed (I think I cut my lip while biting down).
We were on the highway, and I announced that I was leaving the car. As in jumping onto the highway. My mom flipped on the child lock so I smashed my head into the window until it almost shattered, intent on throwing myself onto the asphalt. It felt tremendous. For a second I felt like a man.
But then the rage left was spent and I decided against turning myself into a 90mph meat crayon. We went back to the house and my mom cried for a while. I felt extremely bad for breaking her window, and am going to get it fixed for her before I leave tomorrow.
Oddly this was an extremely liberating experience. I feel much better now. Unfortunately I’ll be going back to the therapist now, and will probably be lobotomized with meds. I’ll add tagged pics of the window tomorrow morning to prove I’m not LARPing.
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. You guys are my only friends so I had to vent it to someone.