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It's Over Are you not roping cuz of ur parents?

Doomed4ever

Doomed4ever

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Im a 28 khhv with never ending bad luck. I want to rope before turning into a wizard. As soon as things get better for me even worse shit happens soon after. I am terrified of even being happy now or receiving any good news as I know something bad is soon to come. I find comfort in misery and being sad as i am used to it. My face has morphed into perma state of dead/no hope look which make people ask am I alright. I tried to rope, even got to the point of hanging the rope and tightening the noose but i just remember my mom and how heartbroken she would be. So i stay alive. Im afraid if my mother passes away i am going to do it. Anyone else not rope cuz of mom or dad yet? Sure after u rope , ur misery ends but it becomes worse for the people who care about u. The only thing in which im lucky in is having a mom who cares for me and it sucks at the same time as i cannot escape this brutal life.
 
i may be ROPING BECAUSE OF MY PARENTS!
 
Yeah it's sad because my parents have no idea how alone I am and how much I want to kill myself but they also create so many problems for me
 
Yeah it's sad because my parents have no idea how alone I am and how much I want to kill myself but they also create so many problems for me
They would rather buy a half a million dollar car and house downpayment than to stop my chronic pain for my nose
 
I'm not capable of killing myself tbh, that's why
 
Out of spite, I'm not.
 
Im a 28 khhv with never ending bad luck. I want to rope before turning into a wizard. As soon as things get better for me even worse shit happens soon after. I am terrified of even being happy now or receiving any good news as I know something bad is soon to come. I find comfort in misery and being sad as i am used to it. My face has morphed into perma state of dead/no hope look which make people ask am I alright. I tried to rope, even got to the point of hanging the rope and tightening the noose but i just remember my mom and how heartbroken she would be. So i stay alive. Im afraid if my mother passes away i am going to do it. Anyone else not rope cuz of mom or dad yet? Sure after u rope , ur misery ends but it becomes worse for the people who care about u. The only thing in which im lucky in is having a mom who cares for me and it sucks at the same time as i cannot escape this brutal life.
I stopped having suicidal ideation mostly because my depression and guilt and sadness changed. I still feel this way sometimes, but mostly, now instead of blaming myself I learned that much of my issues aren't in my control and aren't my fault. I became rage filled and angry at others because if anything, it's THEIR FUCKING FAULT that I feel this way because of how poorly I am treated.

I didn't do shit to deserve this. So I will be a poisinous toxic thorn in the side of everyone who decides to mistreat me. And I won't forgive. And I won't forget. Even if bitterness and hatred are the only things left that keep me going, I will still go onwards.

Out of spite, I'm not.
Based.
 
no tall buildings near by me and I aint drinking bleach or roping by asphyxiation in noose

i want to die quick and painless
 
I don't give a shit about them
 
They don't really care much for me. I'm not roping because I don't have something that would make it instant
 

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