I was thinking about this yesterday, maybe it's attachment issues or a shame complex or a rejection complex that make me ostracised from society. I think I am incomplete rather than broken, if only I was a couple of centimetres taller, and my maxilla was a couple of mls forward and had thick straight hair and had hooded eyes with no UEE and a symmetrical nose.
I remind myself that the sense of eros (the spirit of love) is only achievable through transaction in my personal life.
If I didn't have a job, if I wasn't good at coding, if I wasn't working on my business, then I would be a nobody to society. The only way I belong is if I exchange my time and life for socialising moments (clocking in to my desk job).
I concluded that the only way to not go into a nihilistic mess and make meaning in your life is by projecting the anima (the contrasexual side of the male's psyche) inwards.
For me it was financial freedom and personal hobbies (like chess and cigarettes and alcohol), for example when I pursue my financial freedom and with every stride I take in building my Web agency and every paycheck I get from my minimum cuckjob I feel a rise of dopamine and sense of value within, the things I want to buy. Some people might call that a consumerist mindset, and you would only be right if I didn't enjoy my work but I do.
