Kinda need to vent and this is the only place I can because you are the only people who know what we go through. Anyway, recently I went out with 2 friends (average normie and incel) and we decided to enter a club at 12 AM. We were 100% sober but I was really dead inside so I decided to alcoholmaxx. I quickly drank about 8 beers and started feeling the effects, it was a lot better than the regular half apathy half sadness I always feel.
I was looking around and was feeling very envious of people making out. Besides that there were a lot of men taller than me (I'm 6'1") and I couldn't help but think "why the fuck is my only good trait neutralized so easily". If I was an actual manlet I would've executed myself undeniably. Feeling salty, I started drinking more to the point where I felt physically loose, so to say.
Me and my friends were standing somewhere, talking about something which I don't remember. Now that I reflect on it, the more I drank the more bluepilled I became. I remember reading /r/TRP and believing it a while back, and started to think about confidence and IOIs. I tried looking for IOIs through short eye contact but couldn't find them. I started dancing (probably aspie af) which I had never done before except once in PE class. Didn't do anything for me.
I kept walking back and forth to the bar every time I finished a beer to get a new one. Stumbled quite often and I saw that people noticed it. One guy (PSL 5) laughed and gave me a brofist bump (what does that even mean in this situation?). There was a male bartender and a female bartender and I jokdd around with them, the female also laughed about what I said but I'm not sure what she was thinking.
I also thought about approaching women the entire night but no matter how bluepilled I got from alcoholmaxxing I just couldn't. The lack of IOIs wasn't helping either. Eventually I stumbled back while dancing against a girl lighty. I had no idea how she looked like facially anymore but she had black hair, was white and I was a LOT taller. I gave no fucks and faked confidence. It's hard to judge how you portray yourself but I know I did what I could. I kinda forgot my shitty looks because I was drunk, which is why I faked it well.
The convo was like this
her: sorry
me: no problem, btw you're cute (native language)
her: what?
me: oh are you english?
her: yea
me: what's your number?
her: no i'm okay
Immediately I was blackpilled again. Although she was smiling the entire convo, it was the polite smile as in "please don't punch me if I say no". Afterwards I started giving consecutive blackpill rants to my friends out of drunken saltiness. They didn't really reply much so no debates unfortunately. I was kinda dizzy too, one black girl asked me if I was alright. I just said yeah, and didn't try anything anymore because no matter what I do, my face is what matters in anything sexual. I'm disappointed in myself for thinking bluepill, after all these years of rational thought.
Although it was retarded to expect anything else, I can't blame myself for being compelled by my instinct. I was under influence and lost my rationality, my knowledge of the truth and the despair it brings to my life. I really hate being ugly. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. Nothing I do matters, and I will never enjoy anything beyond mildly enjoying food and fapping as they are simple straightfoward pleasures.
Done with ranting.
I was looking around and was feeling very envious of people making out. Besides that there were a lot of men taller than me (I'm 6'1") and I couldn't help but think "why the fuck is my only good trait neutralized so easily". If I was an actual manlet I would've executed myself undeniably. Feeling salty, I started drinking more to the point where I felt physically loose, so to say.
Me and my friends were standing somewhere, talking about something which I don't remember. Now that I reflect on it, the more I drank the more bluepilled I became. I remember reading /r/TRP and believing it a while back, and started to think about confidence and IOIs. I tried looking for IOIs through short eye contact but couldn't find them. I started dancing (probably aspie af) which I had never done before except once in PE class. Didn't do anything for me.
I kept walking back and forth to the bar every time I finished a beer to get a new one. Stumbled quite often and I saw that people noticed it. One guy (PSL 5) laughed and gave me a brofist bump (what does that even mean in this situation?). There was a male bartender and a female bartender and I jokdd around with them, the female also laughed about what I said but I'm not sure what she was thinking.
I also thought about approaching women the entire night but no matter how bluepilled I got from alcoholmaxxing I just couldn't. The lack of IOIs wasn't helping either. Eventually I stumbled back while dancing against a girl lighty. I had no idea how she looked like facially anymore but she had black hair, was white and I was a LOT taller. I gave no fucks and faked confidence. It's hard to judge how you portray yourself but I know I did what I could. I kinda forgot my shitty looks because I was drunk, which is why I faked it well.
The convo was like this
her: sorry
me: no problem, btw you're cute (native language)
her: what?
me: oh are you english?
her: yea
me: what's your number?
her: no i'm okay
Immediately I was blackpilled again. Although she was smiling the entire convo, it was the polite smile as in "please don't punch me if I say no". Afterwards I started giving consecutive blackpill rants to my friends out of drunken saltiness. They didn't really reply much so no debates unfortunately. I was kinda dizzy too, one black girl asked me if I was alright. I just said yeah, and didn't try anything anymore because no matter what I do, my face is what matters in anything sexual. I'm disappointed in myself for thinking bluepill, after all these years of rational thought.
Although it was retarded to expect anything else, I can't blame myself for being compelled by my instinct. I was under influence and lost my rationality, my knowledge of the truth and the despair it brings to my life. I really hate being ugly. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. Nothing I do matters, and I will never enjoy anything beyond mildly enjoying food and fapping as they are simple straightfoward pleasures.
Done with ranting.
