I had a very peculiar worldview as a child. I remember believing in the just world to a crazy extend: I thought bad things can only happen to bad people (good people can experience some struggles, but they're always temporary and a part of some hero's journey). That included looks: I thought ugly people are ugly because they're morally corrupt (brutal pill tbh) and that aging in general is a result of accumulation of sin. I remember thinking even teenagers look old and ugly, so I made it my life's mission to never age which, I thought, could be achieved by staying pure in action and thought. I remember noticing when I was 10/11 that my colleagues become sex-obsessed due to puberty and that the introduction of sexuality is a disaster for human soul: no longer females are equals, they're objects to compete for, which introduces hostility among males and dehumanizes females. So in order to stay morally pure and not age I had to actively fight puberty and micromanage my thoughts and actions: I avoided any sexual thoughts, I never cursed not even in my thoughts, I only thought about happy things, I thought getting an erection was sinful and I had to imagine blinding white light when I close my eyes, because even imagining dark colors can corrupt your soul. Obviously my worldview fell apart: you can't just stop getting random boners using the power of thought when you're 12/13, people treated me like shit because I went out of my way to do good deeds and I still kept aging. I had 2 friends at that time (11-13 y/o) whom I lost just because they didn't share my anti-sexual views and I seen them as obstacles in my quest to immortality basically.
This story might make you think I just grew up in some crazy puritan Christian home, but my views are peculiar, because it's the opposite: most of my family is either atheistic or they play around with New Age concepts. My parents are very progressive and they pretty much told me when I was 11 that sex and masturbation are natural and great and if I want to have sex, I just have to remember to use a condom and I can always ask them for one. Of course I didn't believe the boomers, because they were old and ugly, thus morally corrupt. My only direct contact with religion at that time was kindergarten: I used to go to a kindergarten run by nuns, simply because other kindergartens had no free places at the time. I guess that's where I could have gotten the puritanism from. The whole deal about never aging and bad thoughts leading to bad life is probably some corrupted version of the New Age "law of attraction", probably told to me by some family member.
