S
Sciamachying
Self-banned
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- Joined
- Apr 10, 2024
- Posts
- 61
I'm OCD little bitch. Myself is my biggest torturer. I was persuaded by OCD to destroy my phone yesterday. Now the screen won't turn on. It vibrates when I restart it, sometimes it might turn on for few seconds before turning off. No matter how many times I click on the power button, it just won't turn on. That's why I'm here on PC, not phone. Not only that, but I also factory reset my phone without backing up most of the data. Now nearly everything's gone, and why? it's irrational. Makes no sense therefore it is pointless to try explaining it. Unless you're a rapce victim of OCD too, you just won't get it. I just call it getting fucked over by a disorder. You know what's fucked up? I was persuaded by OCD that I have no agency. That I'm a helpless little girl who just needs to listen. That's why. It scams you, it manipulates you, and you only see things after it has already pushed you to fuck up. Maybe I'm weak and vulnerable? If this be the case then I deserve death but who's the benevolent soul to do me this service instantaneously? You see how insufferable this existence is? With each day it's harder to bear. I feel terrible, and doesn't help that I'm taciturn. Now what to do? how to get myself a new phone? I dislike explaining or asking anything from my parents. I saved up some money but those were meant for an emergency, if I get a new phone with them most of them will have been wasted because of my inability to control my OCD which only means more regrets and rues.
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