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Anyone else hate going out in public and being stared at by random people/unwelcoming looks

I marked the icon with yellow
 
I have no friends and don’t really care too much since being blackpilled. But I can’t really managed this boredom that I’m going through like playing video games and smoking grass is now tedious and feels like a chore to occupy myself.

I hate feeling horny and knowing that I can never attract a female I desire. I tried being heterosexual but it’s just impossible! I often google very beautiful Indonesian women but most of them are from West Indonesia and I’m from the east. I tend to look more African/Asian since I’m more Melanesian than austronesian which is your typical southeast Asian look. I just hate being being outcasted and ignored by everyone. Even the dealers that I buy my grass from hate me and sometimes lie to me that they don’t have anything, I would hide in the dark corner as I watch the dealer sell a bag to another person. I just kept coming back to them while constantly being disrespected for 2 years straight and they eventually just tolerate me as a buyer, but sometimes they can’t handle my presence so they just Lock the gate. Lol

Anyways I’ve also had to experience the unfortunate most brutal blackpill and that was being rejected by middle aged Asian massage sex workers. So now I wear a hat and squint max my eyes so that I get a better/decent service like I literally will only have sex with a prostitute with a hat on, because if I don’t they will rush my service and try to use lots of lube, fucking brutal man, I hate people for causing me this agony and unfairness!
If you're a single child you would be vulnerable as fuck
 
I'm already as it is, I have 3 older siblings 2 girls and 1 older brother. He always bullies me and keeps getting away with it.
 
This is EXACTLY my fear and problem as well, so you´re not alone. And worst of all:
Im super high inhib
 

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