That's how I feel. The need for a female's bodily warmth gives me a cold hurt within my chest. I can actually feel it as a physical sensation.
It's Over Anyone else feel loneliness as a physical pain within their chest?
only when i see the way my peers turned out. then, it pains me
Word
No, I remember that though.
I feel that, yes. It's tough.
What happened to it? Did it stop at a certain age or because of some other change?
Yes. Masturbation is the only desperate cope I can think of but it doesn't at all provide the feeling I yearn. I'm sure there are drugs that would help with this but I don't use any myself.
W
My pain is way worse than a physical pain. It’s like an existential immeasurable pain in my very soul
i don't feel chest pain, but i always get shivers when i think about it
E
It's been like that for 8 years for me. That's the most unbearable part frankly. Id like to know how others have dealt with it because it constantly feels like being stabbed in the chest. I guess copes help in the short term.
It's interesting because physical and emotional pain both use the same nerve pathways so it's real pain and not just in your head
It's interesting because physical and emotional pain both use the same nerve pathways so it's real pain and not just in your head
yea.
there's a book about the subject of loneliness i'm too afraid to read but i own. link below.
Amazon product ASIN 0393335283View: https://www.amazon.com/Loneliness-Human-Nature-Social-Connection/dp/0393335283/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1634527868&sr=8-1
there's a book about the subject of loneliness i'm too afraid to read but i own. link below.
Amazon product ASIN 0393335283View: https://www.amazon.com/Loneliness-Human-Nature-Social-Connection/dp/0393335283/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1634527868&sr=8-1
Loneliness? No. However, thinking of the negative experiences I've had in the past causes me to become very anxious.
I remember watching some YouTube animated infographic on the topic, the way loneliness will slowly destroy your body and mind, and becoming terrified by it. I just need to avoid the topic for my own sanity.
Not sure about that. I feel it more in my back than my chest (faint soreness, rather than cold). Could also be from slouching. Or it's both.
I think when I got to my mid 30s, my whole relationship with my personal situation changed.
Prior to this, (and I think most youngcels are in this boat) my mental state was one of desperation. No matter how much I kidded myself I'd already accepted the blackpill, the reality was that I hadn't.
I was still desperately scared of missing "my chance" - I.e., my chance of meeting a significant other, my chance of having a forever life with someone, my chance of having a family of my own. I think because I was still of an age where, if it started tomorrow then I could still have all of that, I was permanently freaking out on the inside about it. I have to find someone soon or it will be too late. Why can't I find someone? This is so unfair! Everyone else has someone. What am I doing wrong? I must be doing something wrong. Maybe its me, myself. I'm wrong. I have to do something about this and I have to do it NOW! This is a crisis!
That panic, and that sense of the injustice of it all, was where a lot of the pain in the middle of my chest came from.
The change happened gradually in my mid 30s. There was no eureka moment of enlightenment. I think there were a few sides to it.
1. I just gradually realised I was no longer clinging to hope that I could have all of those things, because I was objectively past the age when people tend to pair up and start those things. And with that hope gone, the desperation of feeling like those things could be mine, and were right in front of me but slipping thru my fingers, was gone too.
2. The older you get (and especially as you start to get older than couples around you) the more you start to see the side of relationships that people don't brag about on FB or insta. The compromises. The fights. The resentments. The cheating and the divorce. The loveless marriages. The settling. That reduced my envy of couples and the pain that came from looking at couples and thinking about people who "have everything I want." It's maybe a bit like meeting an artist or some other personal hero and realizing their opinions are really shit, and they aren't the enlightened guru you figured they must be, and suddenly you find it hard to listen to their songs that you used to love.
3. Things that I did have the means to improve in my life, started to go well. At work I don't feel like I'm boss or leader material, but the bosses started tasking me with supervising and training and managing a bunch of grads, and running their projects as well as my own. I'm a fairly good teacher and coach in our technical field and this seemed to go well. As a result I now earn about twice what I was earning ten years ago, and I have young grads who seem to genuinely value my guidance, and I have bosses who seem to genuinely value what I do. That's no substitute for sex and love and a relationship, but it's not nothing. I bought my own property, at a very fortunate time right before a stratospheric boom in values and rents. So I'm financially in a good place now, with above average income and below-average expenses.
4. I discovered weed, weed is great for clearing the mental fog and making big burdens seem smaller. I love a glass of red wine or a pint of fancy beer but those feel more and more like poison, the fun always needs to be paid for later.
This probably all sound very fuzzy and vague and
. But it is honestly the truth. I feel like a life has grown up around me, where being single is always there, and there is a little bit of sadness about that, always there. But it no longer feels like an acute illness or an impending plane crash.If I focus on it too much, the pain sometimes starts to come back. So I keep busy with distractions and copes, that I find work better and better as time goes on.
I even feel guilty about browsing this site sometimes, because this site is full of the acute grief of young guys who are right in the middle of the worst part of it. I read their stories about their struggles and I feel like I'm re-living my own grief phase and that's somehow feeding off their grief like a vampire.
And I just want to comfort them and reassure them they will be OK, like I hugged my little nephew and comforted him when he fell off his bike.
Basically, the older you get, the stronger you get. Real strength that allows you to embrace life as it is, instead of hiding behind shields like petty rage, curses, and blame.
Hang in there! You'll get there. And if you do, that's your worst case scenario. That's if you don't meet some kind of unicorn next week.
Alright, thanks for the thorough input!I think when I got to my mid 30s, my whole relationship with my personal situation changed.
Prior to this, (and I think most youngcels are in this boat) my mental state was one of desperation. No matter how much I kidded myself I'd already accepted the blackpill, the reality was that I hadn't.
I was still desperately scared of missing "my chance" - I.e., my chance of meeting a significant other, my chance of having a forever life with someone, my chance of having a family of my own. I think because I was still of an age where, if it started tomorrow then I could still have all of that, I was permanently freaking out on the inside about it. I have to find someone soon or it will be too late. Why can't I find someone? This is so unfair! Everyone else has someone. What am I doing wrong? I must be doing something wrong. Maybe its me, myself. I'm wrong. I have to do something about this and I have to do it NOW! This is a crisis!
That panic, and that sense of the injustice of it all, was where a lot of the pain in the middle of my chest came from.
The change happened gradually in my mid 30s. There was no eureka moment of enlightenment. I think there were a few sides to it.
1. I just gradually realised I was no longer clinging to hope that I could have all of those things, because I was objectively past the age when people tend to pair up and start those things. And with that hope gone, the desperation of feeling like those things could be mine, and were right in front of me but slipping thru my fingers, was gone too.
2. The older you get (and especially as you start to get older than couples around you) the more you start to see the side of relationships that people don't brag about on FB or insta. The compromises. The fights. The resentments. The cheating and the divorce. The loveless marriages. The settling. That reduced my envy of couples and the pain that came from looking at couples and thinking about people who "have everything I want." It's maybe a bit like meeting an artist or some other personal hero and realizing their opinions are really shit, and they aren't the enlightened guru you figured they must be, and suddenly you find it hard to listen to their songs that you used to love.
3. Things that I did have the means to improve in my life, started to go well. At work I don't feel like I'm boss or leader material, but the bosses started tasking me with supervising and training and managing a bunch of grads, and running their projects as well as my own. I'm a fairly good teacher and coach in our technical field and this seemed to go well. As a result I now earn about twice what I was earning ten years ago, and I have young grads who seem to genuinely value my guidance, and I have bosses who seem to genuinely value what I do. That's no substitute for sex and love and a relationship, but it's not nothing. I bought my own property, at a very fortunate time right before a stratospheric boom in values and rents. So I'm financially in a good place now, with above average income and below-average expenses.
4. I discovered weed, weed is great for clearing the mental fog and making big burdens seem smaller. I love a glass of red wine or a pint of fancy beer but those feel more and more like poison, the fun always needs to be paid for later.
This probably all sound very fuzzy and vague and
If I focus on it too much, the pain sometimes starts to come back. So I keep busy with distractions and copes, that I find work better and better as time goes on.
I even feel guilty about browsing this site sometimes, because this site is full of the acute grief of young guys who are right in the middle of the worst part of it. I read their stories about their struggles and I feel like I'm re-living my own grief phase and that's somehow feeding off their grief like a vampire.
And I just want to comfort them and reassure them they will be OK, like I hugged my little nephew and comforted him when he fell off his bike.
Basically, the older you get, the stronger you get. Real strength that allows you to embrace life as it is, instead of hiding behind shields like petty rage, curses, and blame.
Hang in there! You'll get there. And if you do, that's your worst case scenario. That's if you don't meet some kind of unicorn next week.
M
like heavy weights put on my heart. it's a special type of pain
only occasionally. usually im just dead inside
Yes, I sometimes feel a pain in my chest. It's like my body frogets how to breath for a short time, but eventualy reminds itself, that it needs to breathe. I nearly choke myself when sitting on a chair. That's really weird, and it happends to me from time to time
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