After I accepted the blackpill, i was ugly, and that i would never get to live out all my sexual fantasies (having sex with hot women on the beach at some party) I noticed i felt empty when I jerked off to these thoughts. The pleasure was counteracted by a deep sad thought "this will NEVER happen, but.... other guys get to experience this everyday, you never will". I couldn't do it anymore. I noticed i started to jerk off to more and more slightly sexual things that were more possible-tier things. Like the thought of being caught naked and stuff. I'm not going to go through every fantasy but now my fetish is the thought of being forced to take a public shower while my parents watch me. The way it seems possible to me is if we stayed at my uncles shitty cottage who has this shower room on the first floor and there's no curtain or door. So anyone walking around in this tiny ass cottage can see who is ever showering right there. I'm worried that if i ever end up staying over there and i start to smell and they make me take a shower that I'll get a huge boner.
