I ask this because I can't really relate to anyone about this. Particularly just the pure hatred I have for my 'mother' who I will be referring to as birthvessel from now onwards, although that does not really work either as she is a complete failure as a vessel as I am about to explain. First of all she could have not had me at fucking 40, or better yet not had me at all, then when I was born wrong and my neck and head were fucked up and my sphenoid went out of tilt and a lost molar contact on my left side and half my face melted away and my head got more skewed, just one of the stupid fucking retards that were supposed to care for me could've made the effort to fix it (plagiocephally and torticollosis are correctable) but no, I am stuck like this, a Frankenstein's monster literally. And my stupid foid shitbox birthvessel giggles about how I "had this huge flat spot on the back of my head when you were a baby, I'm not sure if it's still there" YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE. And then she fucking giggles again about how I've never had girlfriend and asks why, AND I CAN'T TELL IT IS BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE AND MY UGLY FAT PIG FATHER HAVE DONE TO ME because I will be treated as a schizo, and I can't ask what happened, or why no-one tried to fix me, because I will be treated as a schizo, I just have to sit there, broken, and it gets so much worse.
My birthvessel has incredible genes, high test bone and hair density, tall, aryan. And I got it, i dodged pretty much all my father's shit genes, I was nearly there, but I was broken, at the last fucking second it was robbed from me, so not only am I sadistically tantalised by foids, but also by this constant reminder that I was so close, so so so close but no. I was supposed to be beautiful but instead I am rotting here, thinking of ways to fucking kill myself. In truth I really want to |[Shattered Suns - Liberated]|, but I can't bring myself to do it, and the truth is my previous rant is only a general theory, most births that come out wrong as I did were usually in that position already and that's when they formed defects, that is probably what happened and although my old-ass birthvessel worsened my odds, they were still very low. The truth may just be that I got supremely unlucky. And I cannot live with that. The only remedies are to end it now, or just pray I can go back in time and never be born, intervene so my stupid whore gullible birthvessel was never gaslighted into setlling and performing the disgusting act of sex with my stupid ugly other birthcreature. If only she just stayed 'girlbossing', becuase she was good at it, I don't mind foids doing such a thing, as long as they don't switch back and start wanting they're cuddly little family in their perfect little world like the selfish disgusting beings they are, because the truth is many people just should not be parents, because they create monsters like me.
Now I know the usual advice here is to LDAR, but I cannot, I come from high expectations, that is the sick joke in all of this. I have a >99.5%ile iq, tested as a 3 year old when my parents thought I was autistic, turns out I am just extremely sensitive and empathetic, that is why I would cry all the time as a small child, and this weakness of my mind has meant I have never in my life lived up to my potential, this extreme sensitivity to my environment and the people around me has made me completely broken, bullied and shunned by foids my entire life has made me a sick, neurotic dog. For the small periods of time my mental health is not in complete tatters I can do incredible things (bragging ahead sorry), I was dux of the top private school in my state for a while (yes my family is rich I understand I am very lucky), I scored very highly in national maths competitions, I wanted to go into theoretical physics or pure mathematics, but I cannot do any work towards it when I am just spending all day imagining killing myself because of what has been done to me, I live by the river, it is nighttime now, I just want to go to the jeti, gently lower myself into the water and not come back up, I know it would be excruciatingly painful but I imagine it as bliss, I think I could delude myself into still feeling that bliss as I sink to the bottom, I just want it to end, I have no escape, if someone can talk with me that would mean so much, no-one irl can understand, atleast without putting me into a padded room.
My birthvessel has incredible genes, high test bone and hair density, tall, aryan. And I got it, i dodged pretty much all my father's shit genes, I was nearly there, but I was broken, at the last fucking second it was robbed from me, so not only am I sadistically tantalised by foids, but also by this constant reminder that I was so close, so so so close but no. I was supposed to be beautiful but instead I am rotting here, thinking of ways to fucking kill myself. In truth I really want to |[Shattered Suns - Liberated]|, but I can't bring myself to do it, and the truth is my previous rant is only a general theory, most births that come out wrong as I did were usually in that position already and that's when they formed defects, that is probably what happened and although my old-ass birthvessel worsened my odds, they were still very low. The truth may just be that I got supremely unlucky. And I cannot live with that. The only remedies are to end it now, or just pray I can go back in time and never be born, intervene so my stupid whore gullible birthvessel was never gaslighted into setlling and performing the disgusting act of sex with my stupid ugly other birthcreature. If only she just stayed 'girlbossing', becuase she was good at it, I don't mind foids doing such a thing, as long as they don't switch back and start wanting they're cuddly little family in their perfect little world like the selfish disgusting beings they are, because the truth is many people just should not be parents, because they create monsters like me.
Now I know the usual advice here is to LDAR, but I cannot, I come from high expectations, that is the sick joke in all of this. I have a >99.5%ile iq, tested as a 3 year old when my parents thought I was autistic, turns out I am just extremely sensitive and empathetic, that is why I would cry all the time as a small child, and this weakness of my mind has meant I have never in my life lived up to my potential, this extreme sensitivity to my environment and the people around me has made me completely broken, bullied and shunned by foids my entire life has made me a sick, neurotic dog. For the small periods of time my mental health is not in complete tatters I can do incredible things (bragging ahead sorry), I was dux of the top private school in my state for a while (yes my family is rich I understand I am very lucky), I scored very highly in national maths competitions, I wanted to go into theoretical physics or pure mathematics, but I cannot do any work towards it when I am just spending all day imagining killing myself because of what has been done to me, I live by the river, it is nighttime now, I just want to go to the jeti, gently lower myself into the water and not come back up, I know it would be excruciatingly painful but I imagine it as bliss, I think I could delude myself into still feeling that bliss as I sink to the bottom, I just want it to end, I have no escape, if someone can talk with me that would mean so much, no-one irl can understand, atleast without putting me into a padded room.
