Luckily I slept through most of it as usual. Not a day I care for. Just another painful reminder. I'd probably cope by saying shit like "atleast it's another year closer to death" for humor cope... But it's still a ticking clock that I have to endure. So as usual, I just cope.
The date, the day, and to some degree, the number of my age is rather arbitrary. Today (yesterday now for me) is no different than yesterday. But it still sucks. Society places value on these numbers. Not that I'm allowed a space in society. I exist among it. The quote "we live in a society"... Is the most bullshit tier thing I've heard come from the mouths or keyboards of rejects... We don't live in a society, we just exist, amongst it.
I don't live. This is not life. This is sickness. With only 2 cures. Surgery I could never afford, or death (godspeed alcohol and my opiate friends).
33 years I've existed now. Most normies can't even imagine a reality where they go 2 weeks without so much as a hug, hence the pandemic outcries a few years ago... But for many of us, including myself. That's just life. An entire life. With constant mockery, hostility, or best case, flat out ignorance and not being acknowledged. People who say "life is precious" define life in such a poor way. There's nothing good about this. There never will be, and nothing I do or have ever done, no matter the decades of relentless effort I put in on every single piece of advice that people throw at you, ever has made an ounce of difference.
Today, I'm just an ugly as fuck, "rapist looking", "pedo eyed", "shortarse", "prolapsed horse ass faced", etc etc nobody who's existed for 33 years that people will never care for. I invoke feelings of disgust in people on sight, so in a world of instant gratification, I certainly am not.
Pray that this is my final year alive please. I really don't want to do this shit anymore. Let sleep take me.
.
