When I feel better for a little bit longer,when I accomplish something or when everything pans out as it should I feel like I miss something. As if my brain tells me that something is wrong, that I should switch to my natural inner state of depression, anger and hopelessness. I even get anxious if I am too happy, like something tells me that I should have felt like that for years, but because that was not the case now it is better not to be reminded what I have missed out on.Maybe that is what years of defeats, suffering do to our brain.
