Deleted member 7448
Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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- Joined
- May 16, 2018
- Posts
- 7,127
It's been so many years since I've actually had fun or enjoyed something. It's weird cause I've had so much free time in the past few years (that's about to end), but I haven't enjoyed it one bit. Feels like I'm always on edge. Even when playing games or reading books or watching something, I'm not actually enjoying myself, just sort of craving to enjoy myself and never actually feeling that enjoyment.
Books make me crave more, it feels like an incomplete experience and it makes me want to interact and actually do something in that world. But games, which should provide that, feel just like a waste of time and make me think "I'd rather read the book or summary". I've played a lot of games in my life and nowadays they feel pointless. Even the ones with a good story. The story just feels drawn out and it makes me feel like I'm wasting my time and that reading would've been 100 times more efficient than consuming the story interspersed with gameplay elements and combat that just drags it out. But I mostly played non-story games in my life, and for some reason even those I can't play anymore. I keep trying games, I keep installing, but nothing satisfies me. Even took a break to see if I could reset the switch in my brain and make it fun again but it didn't work. But I keep craving to play games, cause I want to feel some fun, some excitement in life. But nothing does it, nothing at all. So I try it with games, for so many years I keep searching for some game, but obviously I just don't like them anymore. But I don't like anything else either, and I'd rather just lay in bed with my laptop trying to play games than do anything else, cause I have no energy and am too anxious to do anything else.
But at the same time, books don't scratch a certain itch, they actually make me crave things that can't be fulfilled by books, they feel incomplete. Like a hungry animal with meat dangled in front of his cage. Reading a book is like smelling the meat, but it feels like I'm never delivered the part of actually tasting and sinking my teeth into the meat. Ehh tbh I haven't actually read in quite a while now, it just doesn't do it for me anymore. Guess I overdid it a few years ago and now it just feels pointless, like everything else in life.
But at the same time, books don't scratch a certain itch, they actually make me crave things that can't be fulfilled by books, they feel incomplete. Like a hungry animal with meat dangled in front of his cage. Reading a book is like smelling the meat, but it feels like I'm never delivered the part of actually tasting and sinking my teeth into the meat. Ehh tbh I haven't actually read in quite a while now, it just doesn't do it for me anymore. Guess I overdid it a few years ago and now it just feels pointless, like everything else in life.