Sorry for the long post.
There is this girl who I liked ever since we met a few years back. We met through common friends. When I met her she had a boyfriend, so I did not say anything. 2 years or so later one day she mentions (when the 2 of us are alone): "yesterday at the club there was this really cute guy, i wanted to go home with him for the night...but alas it did not happen". I had no idea she was single, until she said that. And well, I know it is not the smoothest thing to do but I let her know I liked her. And I got the usual:
Then things get even more ridiculous, when we hang out, at her behest (because i no longer initiate contact) ...she goes on and on about how "people thinks it is weird they got engaged so soon, but it is REALLY what she wants" ... Sometimes when she wants to hang out, she brings the bf along....the situation is just pathetic....the guy is just...the LEAST manly person ever. Creating this strange situation where...despite he is the boyfriend he is kind of the 3rd wheel.
So you understand what i mean by LEAST manly: we went for burgers and me and her ordered nice BBQ burgers...he did not order anything because "lot of meat and fat, not good for skin". So his dinner consisted of the tomato slice he begged off her burger. All of this while he is silent, and me and her talk about common interests, hobbies.... I really cannot fathom how the bf can have so little blood in his veins to not see how pathetic the situation is... I really do not understand what she sees in him. I understand she is not obligated to like me in any way. But ffs, she could have a proper bf, not a house cat.
Still, months go by, I keep talking with her, but the conversations turn rather one sided...essentially it is always she who shares her anxieties (grades, getting a job, marrying young...) and me having to prop up her ego. All this conversations tend to be doted by her saying: "but I admire you so much, your life is so together, you have a good job, you bought an appartment, motorbike..." which feels fake to me. She keeps saying how awesome I am and how she is so insecure about her own life, albeit....she is amazing and has no reason to worry.
It is very bittersweet, I like her telling me she thinks im that great and achieved so much, but at the same time I am tired of having to put up with her complaints about how much she worries about life.
The comes the conversation yesterday, following the pattern I just described, until I said:
-" NO! You are awesome! Of course you will meet someone, you are amazing, accomplished fun....I do not think you are only good enough for a friend"
And, knowing I shouldn't but fuck it...I'll go for it:
BINGO!
Then the conversation evolved naturally to other topics, we did not get angry or anything, and we are on good terms. But mostly because I did not want to push the topic of her hypocrisy.
In short....she spent the last few months saying: how together my life is, how awesome I am, how great I am, how lucky any girl would be to have me.....I am a catch apparently. And suddenly, at the point of convenience for her...I get the platitude about confidence. Meanwhile the guy she fuck, is the polar opposite of confidence and drive...but I guess he is cute.
This story, sorry for the length, is a great example of how confidence is just code for "you are simply not attractive".
Additional details:
There is this girl who I liked ever since we met a few years back. We met through common friends. When I met her she had a boyfriend, so I did not say anything. 2 years or so later one day she mentions (when the 2 of us are alone): "yesterday at the club there was this really cute guy, i wanted to go home with him for the night...but alas it did not happen". I had no idea she was single, until she said that. And well, I know it is not the smoothest thing to do but I let her know I liked her. And I got the usual:
- Oh, wow, I had no idea
- I am REALLY flattered and happy to hear that, but I only see you as a friend.
- Right now I am not looking for a relationship. I just want some fun.
- ...
Then things get even more ridiculous, when we hang out, at her behest (because i no longer initiate contact) ...she goes on and on about how "people thinks it is weird they got engaged so soon, but it is REALLY what she wants" ... Sometimes when she wants to hang out, she brings the bf along....the situation is just pathetic....the guy is just...the LEAST manly person ever. Creating this strange situation where...despite he is the boyfriend he is kind of the 3rd wheel.
So you understand what i mean by LEAST manly: we went for burgers and me and her ordered nice BBQ burgers...he did not order anything because "lot of meat and fat, not good for skin". So his dinner consisted of the tomato slice he begged off her burger. All of this while he is silent, and me and her talk about common interests, hobbies.... I really cannot fathom how the bf can have so little blood in his veins to not see how pathetic the situation is... I really do not understand what she sees in him. I understand she is not obligated to like me in any way. But ffs, she could have a proper bf, not a house cat.
Still, months go by, I keep talking with her, but the conversations turn rather one sided...essentially it is always she who shares her anxieties (grades, getting a job, marrying young...) and me having to prop up her ego. All this conversations tend to be doted by her saying: "but I admire you so much, your life is so together, you have a good job, you bought an appartment, motorbike..." which feels fake to me. She keeps saying how awesome I am and how she is so insecure about her own life, albeit....she is amazing and has no reason to worry.
It is very bittersweet, I like her telling me she thinks im that great and achieved so much, but at the same time I am tired of having to put up with her complaints about how much she worries about life.
The comes the conversation yesterday, following the pattern I just described, until I said:
- "You know, from where I am standing, i think you have made it way more in life than me, I really do not know what to tell you".
- "What do you mean, you are awesome!"
- "You keep saying that...but my romantic life is as is. You keep saying how great I am and yet, apparently everyone thinks that makes only a good friend at best"
-" NO! You are awesome! Of course you will meet someone, you are amazing, accomplished fun....I do not think you are only good enough for a friend"
And, knowing I shouldn't but fuck it...I'll go for it:
- "Look, other people said that before....I can think they are trying to be nice, or I can think they are being honest....I cannot prove it...but YOU, of all people, YOU... we both know I only make good enough for a friend".
BINGO!
Then the conversation evolved naturally to other topics, we did not get angry or anything, and we are on good terms. But mostly because I did not want to push the topic of her hypocrisy.
In short....she spent the last few months saying: how together my life is, how awesome I am, how great I am, how lucky any girl would be to have me.....I am a catch apparently. And suddenly, at the point of convenience for her...I get the platitude about confidence. Meanwhile the guy she fuck, is the polar opposite of confidence and drive...but I guess he is cute.
This story, sorry for the length, is a great example of how confidence is just code for "you are simply not attractive".
Additional details:
- We are on good terms
- I am invited to their wedding (yes, I will go, because not doing so gives the situation even more power)
- Yes, I think she is making a mistake getting married to that guy. BUT I will NOT be the one to say so. That would only make me "a bitter loser" and "envious" in her eyes.
- Yes, I plan to go by motorbike and combine the weekend with a skydiving event in that city. I may be petty as fuck, but it is the best slap on the face with a silk glove to the bf (well, fiance now) who could not get a drivers license because he gets too nervous with all the cars. And is afraid of flying.
