Hell
Get me out of here
-
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2017
- Posts
- 2,703
This fat guy approached me in the gym a year and a half ago and asked for tips. I started working out occasionally with him because he was obviously dedicated and wasn't afraid to push hard. He's outgoing but in a goofy sense to where people will humor him but he can quickly get annoying and he can be embarrassing when he runs around asking people if they watch anime etc. He did everything I told him to do and he eventually dropped a lot of weight, going from 305lbs down to 238lbs while achieving a 355lb bench press max.
Last weekend he showed me pictures of a girl who had asked him out. She was attractive, more attractive than I would ever be allowed to look at. I put my smile on and told him I was happy for him and all that and he pretty much spent the rest of the workout bragging about how great she is. Well tonight he sent me a video holding her panties and showing off the hickies on his neck. He mentioned my name in the video, he was obviously happy and he thanked me for getting him there.
I do consider him a friend and I am happy for him but...
What about me? What's so wrong with me? How come I don't deserve the same happiness?
He is 10 years younger than me. In my age group only around 3% of males are virgins, among those are probably the physically and mentally disabled.
In a room of 100 people my age I am standing in the corner with some guy who was born crippled and a vegetable while everyone else enjoys life.
Why? Because my face happens to not be beautiful? Is that really all it takes now to be sentenced to a lifetime of agonizing loneliness and living with the constant reminder that you aren't good enough, that you are nothing to society, that you are undeserving of a basic biological NEED, that you are a genetic failure, that you are forever doomed to come home to a cold, dark, empty house.
I've never really felt this before. This sense of joy for my friend accompanied with a deep despair and the desire to end everything in the hopes that perhaps by some astronomically minute chance that there may be some hope of another life where I could at least be presented with being average.
Last weekend he showed me pictures of a girl who had asked him out. She was attractive, more attractive than I would ever be allowed to look at. I put my smile on and told him I was happy for him and all that and he pretty much spent the rest of the workout bragging about how great she is. Well tonight he sent me a video holding her panties and showing off the hickies on his neck. He mentioned my name in the video, he was obviously happy and he thanked me for getting him there.
I do consider him a friend and I am happy for him but...
What about me? What's so wrong with me? How come I don't deserve the same happiness?
He is 10 years younger than me. In my age group only around 3% of males are virgins, among those are probably the physically and mentally disabled.
In a room of 100 people my age I am standing in the corner with some guy who was born crippled and a vegetable while everyone else enjoys life.
Why? Because my face happens to not be beautiful? Is that really all it takes now to be sentenced to a lifetime of agonizing loneliness and living with the constant reminder that you aren't good enough, that you are nothing to society, that you are undeserving of a basic biological NEED, that you are a genetic failure, that you are forever doomed to come home to a cold, dark, empty house.
I've never really felt this before. This sense of joy for my friend accompanied with a deep despair and the desire to end everything in the hopes that perhaps by some astronomically minute chance that there may be some hope of another life where I could at least be presented with being average.