I
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Long story here, but I've tried out every single bluepill and redpill advice and still ended up failing. I put a lot of effort towards self improvement and it didn't lead anywhere. That's why I'm an incel.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif] I started out venting in r/short (because I'm 5'5" and I believe that it impedes my success with women a lot), then I went over to r/purplepilldebate until someone linked r/incels, and I stayed there for a while until recently when I began self-medicating.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]This all started in the Summer of 2015. I just completed my first year of University with really good grades (got into the Dean's List), I got my unrestricted driver's license, got my first job which allowed me to buy a new computer, so everything was pretty sweet.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]So one night that Summer I was contemplating my first year, and realized that despite all of these little accomplishments I felt lonely the whole time. Granted, all I did that year was study and play video games, with no other hobbies. I had friends but only in the superficial sense. I didn't go to any parties, never went to clubs, bars, etc. I commuted to school, so it was a pretty lonely first year. Now that was my fault, I admit it. I sacrificed my social life for better grades.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]That being said, what also concerned me was why I haven't found a girlfriend yet. To me, it seemed like many people in highschool didn't have a problem finding a date, and I always saw people holding hands and kissing on campus so I felt that something was wrong with me. Looking at people on campus, I subconsciously realized that there were some men who were getting more attention from women.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]So for a part of my Summer I was determined to figure out the kind of things women found attractive and sort of emulate that in order to get a date for next year. I eventually stumbled upon some articles that said that women are attracted to taller men and if you're short then nothing you do can remove this handicap. I believe this was the article that started it all. I'm 5'5" on a college campus where most men were 6'0+ or taller, and most women were 5'7"+, so reading this hurt a lot.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]To try to prove them wrong, I tried Tinder and OkCupid, and ended up with laughable results. On tinder I ended up with zero matches in one month, and on OkCupid, almost every girl I messaged replied that I look like a kid or blocked me once they figured out my height. Granted, I was 115 lbs a the time, so they weren't wrong.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Obviously it got me very bummed out and I was encouraged to find counter-examples to what I read. I eventually stumbled onto r/short, where I saw a bunch of other short men who also said they have huge struggles dating. A couple more stories here, and a couple of actually performed studies on short men there, and suddenly I fell into a deep depression.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif] For the rest of the year, I would remain in a horribly depressed state. I hated being on campus because it reminded me of how small I was compared to everyone else, so I would often times skip classes. At home, I would mostly take long, hot showers and spend a long amount of time in my room, just sitting on my bed, just thinking about death. I cried often, and sometimes would skip my classes just to go to this secluded spot on campus to cry for a bit. My grades went down that semester, I had to quit a job to catch up on course work, I made no friends (and even lost several as past friends told me they noticed I have changed but I wouldn't let them know why I did), and I legitimately thought at the time that my life was doomed to be miserable because I was short. At that time, I read almost every thread on the r/short subreddit, and that was my only form of socializing.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]This would continue until Summer 2016. I got some courage to get help from a mental health doctor, who recommended an antidepressant to me. We chatted maybe once or twice, and him talking to me in addition to taking antidepressants somehow gave me the drive to actually try and improve myself, despite horrible odds. I said to my-self that I can't really know until I try. Following the advice of many people on r/thebluepill, I got some fashion advice from my sisters, I started hitting the gym three times a week (which would eventually get me to try powerlifting and kickboxing, both hobbies which I do today and compete in), and I started making an effort to socialize with others. I joined this drop in yoga session where I ended up making a lot of girl friends.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]By January 2017, I gained around 10 lbs of muscle (moved up to 130 lbs from 115 lbs that I used to be, I'm now at 140-ish lbs, 12% bodyfat), got hobbies that I enjoy, friends that actually enjoy my presence, and I overall looked way better than what I used to look like back in 2015. I also managed to get an internship lined up for summer 2017, which meant I was going places career-wise as well. And my grades got better again.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]So with this newfound confidence, I decided to give dating another try. I go back on Tinder and OkCupid, and try asking out some girls I was interested in. Things should have been different this time around since I improved myself, right? Wrong. I still got zero matches on tinder, no luck on OkCupid, and every girl I asked out wasn't interested (and I asked out at least thirty girls). I even asked out girls who I wasn't attracted to, girls who are fat, etc and still no luck.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]So this left me bummed out. I did pretty much everything that was within my power to do, and I'm still not getting dates. So what could it be? At this point, there has to be something that was outside of my control that's affecting my chances, especially since I saw guys who were lazy potheads having no problem getting dates, as well as guys who didn't respect women all that much.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]By that time I discovered the r/incels subreddit and for some reason, everything they said made perfect sense. Their blackpill, that genetics=everything made sense to me, not because I'm too lazy to try improving myself, but because I tried improving myself and still ended up not finding a single woman that was attracted to me. Whether it was my looks or my height or a combination, there was something that I couldn't change about myself that was making it hard to find a girl that was interested in me outside of just friendship. Many incels who I have private messaged in the past couple of months are also in the same rut, where they have tried improving themselves and it hasn't changed their dating lives.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]However, that was the only thing I took from r/incels. Throughout this entire trip, I never once held misogynistic views, nor have I encouraged violence or rape (and neither did perhaps 99% of other incels on that subreddit).[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]It's almost 2018 now, and for the most part I've stopped caring about this as much. Yes, it still hurts that I'm a kissless virgin from time to time, and it hurts that my shortness automatically takes me off the radar for most women, but I have enough going on in my life that this isn't as important as it used to be. Anytime I feel myself going back into a depression, I eat some magic mushrooms or take an LSD tablet and meditate, and that's usually enough to reset my mind for the meantime.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif] I started out venting in r/short (because I'm 5'5" and I believe that it impedes my success with women a lot), then I went over to r/purplepilldebate until someone linked r/incels, and I stayed there for a while until recently when I began self-medicating.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]This all started in the Summer of 2015. I just completed my first year of University with really good grades (got into the Dean's List), I got my unrestricted driver's license, got my first job which allowed me to buy a new computer, so everything was pretty sweet.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]So one night that Summer I was contemplating my first year, and realized that despite all of these little accomplishments I felt lonely the whole time. Granted, all I did that year was study and play video games, with no other hobbies. I had friends but only in the superficial sense. I didn't go to any parties, never went to clubs, bars, etc. I commuted to school, so it was a pretty lonely first year. Now that was my fault, I admit it. I sacrificed my social life for better grades.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]That being said, what also concerned me was why I haven't found a girlfriend yet. To me, it seemed like many people in highschool didn't have a problem finding a date, and I always saw people holding hands and kissing on campus so I felt that something was wrong with me. Looking at people on campus, I subconsciously realized that there were some men who were getting more attention from women.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]So for a part of my Summer I was determined to figure out the kind of things women found attractive and sort of emulate that in order to get a date for next year. I eventually stumbled upon some articles that said that women are attracted to taller men and if you're short then nothing you do can remove this handicap. I believe this was the article that started it all. I'm 5'5" on a college campus where most men were 6'0+ or taller, and most women were 5'7"+, so reading this hurt a lot.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]To try to prove them wrong, I tried Tinder and OkCupid, and ended up with laughable results. On tinder I ended up with zero matches in one month, and on OkCupid, almost every girl I messaged replied that I look like a kid or blocked me once they figured out my height. Granted, I was 115 lbs a the time, so they weren't wrong.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Obviously it got me very bummed out and I was encouraged to find counter-examples to what I read. I eventually stumbled onto r/short, where I saw a bunch of other short men who also said they have huge struggles dating. A couple more stories here, and a couple of actually performed studies on short men there, and suddenly I fell into a deep depression.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif] For the rest of the year, I would remain in a horribly depressed state. I hated being on campus because it reminded me of how small I was compared to everyone else, so I would often times skip classes. At home, I would mostly take long, hot showers and spend a long amount of time in my room, just sitting on my bed, just thinking about death. I cried often, and sometimes would skip my classes just to go to this secluded spot on campus to cry for a bit. My grades went down that semester, I had to quit a job to catch up on course work, I made no friends (and even lost several as past friends told me they noticed I have changed but I wouldn't let them know why I did), and I legitimately thought at the time that my life was doomed to be miserable because I was short. At that time, I read almost every thread on the r/short subreddit, and that was my only form of socializing.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]This would continue until Summer 2016. I got some courage to get help from a mental health doctor, who recommended an antidepressant to me. We chatted maybe once or twice, and him talking to me in addition to taking antidepressants somehow gave me the drive to actually try and improve myself, despite horrible odds. I said to my-self that I can't really know until I try. Following the advice of many people on r/thebluepill, I got some fashion advice from my sisters, I started hitting the gym three times a week (which would eventually get me to try powerlifting and kickboxing, both hobbies which I do today and compete in), and I started making an effort to socialize with others. I joined this drop in yoga session where I ended up making a lot of girl friends.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]By January 2017, I gained around 10 lbs of muscle (moved up to 130 lbs from 115 lbs that I used to be, I'm now at 140-ish lbs, 12% bodyfat), got hobbies that I enjoy, friends that actually enjoy my presence, and I overall looked way better than what I used to look like back in 2015. I also managed to get an internship lined up for summer 2017, which meant I was going places career-wise as well. And my grades got better again.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]So with this newfound confidence, I decided to give dating another try. I go back on Tinder and OkCupid, and try asking out some girls I was interested in. Things should have been different this time around since I improved myself, right? Wrong. I still got zero matches on tinder, no luck on OkCupid, and every girl I asked out wasn't interested (and I asked out at least thirty girls). I even asked out girls who I wasn't attracted to, girls who are fat, etc and still no luck.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]So this left me bummed out. I did pretty much everything that was within my power to do, and I'm still not getting dates. So what could it be? At this point, there has to be something that was outside of my control that's affecting my chances, especially since I saw guys who were lazy potheads having no problem getting dates, as well as guys who didn't respect women all that much.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]By that time I discovered the r/incels subreddit and for some reason, everything they said made perfect sense. Their blackpill, that genetics=everything made sense to me, not because I'm too lazy to try improving myself, but because I tried improving myself and still ended up not finding a single woman that was attracted to me. Whether it was my looks or my height or a combination, there was something that I couldn't change about myself that was making it hard to find a girl that was interested in me outside of just friendship. Many incels who I have private messaged in the past couple of months are also in the same rut, where they have tried improving themselves and it hasn't changed their dating lives.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]However, that was the only thing I took from r/incels. Throughout this entire trip, I never once held misogynistic views, nor have I encouraged violence or rape (and neither did perhaps 99% of other incels on that subreddit).[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]It's almost 2018 now, and for the most part I've stopped caring about this as much. Yes, it still hurts that I'm a kissless virgin from time to time, and it hurts that my shortness automatically takes me off the radar for most women, but I have enough going on in my life that this isn't as important as it used to be. Anytime I feel myself going back into a depression, I eat some magic mushrooms or take an LSD tablet and meditate, and that's usually enough to reset my mind for the meantime.[/font]
