Welcome to Incels.is - Involuntary Celibate Forum

Welcome! This is a forum for involuntary celibates: people who lack a significant other. Are you lonely and wish you had someone in your life? You're not alone! Join our forum and talk to people just like you.

Theory You are your parents' child - A theory on the current status of men and women, relative to the parents' personalities.

NowItsSlimeTime

NowItsSlimeTime

Really feeling it B)
★★★★
Joined
May 15, 2022
Posts
879
Introduction: What is being said, why it is being said
Hello! I am NowItsSlimeTime, a user here. I rarely post about blackpilled stuff because it doesn't interest me (We all think it, we all know it, all that.) But this topic in specific does, because MANY people will claim their parents are what ruined them, or harbor resentment towards their parents as a whole. And yet, most of the time, I don't see people say 'why'.
I will see users like @Subhuman Niceguy talking about how much they hate their mom (Not throwing shade, I just think you might be interested in this!) and saying how she ruined his life, but never really going in depth into why she did or how she did beyond that she was mean/rude and a bad mom. This, obviously, can be the case. Some people just, suck. BUT, this is due to underlying factors within your family, not necessarily the parents or even you! In this post, I will be addressing the following questions;

  1. What are the effects of ancestors on parents, and by extension, your parents on YOU? (Mostly grandparents, but I'm not going to factor in great grandparents. Still the same.)
  2. What would be a better system?
  3. Why does this matter?
  4. How can I use this to better my situation?

I will occasionally citate paragraphs! These will be marked with (x), where the x is replaced with a number like 1, 2, 3 ect. I will also be making each entry I citate at the last word clickable, as a hyperlink. You can do either, if you want all the citations at the end or if you want the citations as you read. Whatever helps digest the information. I encourage discourse, and will respond if you aren't cussing me out every other post. With that out of the way,
Part 1: The Cycle of Parenting
This is a fairly common concept in psychology. There are four main styles(2) of parenting(1), authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved. While it is not the only cause, it tends to be the case that if you had a parent who was parented with one of these styles, they will parent you in the same style(3). This can be extended to the parents of our parents, and the parents of those parents, and so on.
This is, as detailed in those articles, not the only cause. It's also your surroundings, your siblings, anyone you knew in your early formative period. While your brain is developing (4), even while you are in the womb as a fetus, seemingly unaware of literally anything and everything around you, you are growing. Turning into the you that you are today. Were you bullied in elementary? What did the bullies say to you? Did they say you were ugly, or stupid? Are you using those same words now, but in different contexts to explain the same things? These are things we, as people, cannot control through any reasonable means. Our parents, however, can.
Let's go back to the parenting styles. Uninvolved parenting is pretty straightforward. Your parents either didn't care or weren't there. If your dad didn't really associate with you, or your mom left the house early, they were uninvolved. Permissive parenting is somewhat similar; your parents just gave you everything. If you asked for a dollar, they'd say "Sure." They wouldn't have cared about what you did with it. You asked, you get it. Authoritarian parenting is the strict opposite of both of these; it's basically when a parent is enforcing rules and regulations on their child, and not properly explaining them. The parent tells the child, "you have to do this", and if they ask why or do not, they are punished.
Authoritative parenting is supposed to be the 'good' one. It focuses on consistency, having a good relationship with your children, and enforcing rules when needed. It's literally the absolute perfect, parent does nothing wrong option. The second link has a bit more on other differentiating and diverging styles. Either way, I'm going to tell you now why even if your parents were literally perfect in every way with their parenting it does not matter.
We are going to look at a common example in philosophy that you may or may not be familiar with; putting it in the example of everyone (5). A great example of this is egalatarianism (6)! Essentially, this is communism. This system does work. However, there are quite a few stipulations we must put in place for it to work. First, we need anarchy. When Russia was a communist government, it was not equal, because there was a government, or elected officials. They had power against the people actually under communism. However, if we disestablish government, we also need to disestablish every other government; otherwise they would, reasonably, take over the now dissolved government. Once we remove every government in the world and they are all anarcho communists, we need to establish next that no one ever makes a government.
Do you see how utterly ridiculous that is? Through that entire process, we had to change the entire world, twice, just so that this system could work. Well, it's the same with parenting. See, yes. Our parents can be absolutely perfect, and do everything and anything we need, and we can and will still fail because not EVERY parent is perfect. If we make every single parent perfect, somehow, we now need to make sure they stay perfect. For the rest of eternity. This is incredible wishful thinking, just like the above. You would need to change life into a literal fairytale, or a fever dream, just to make the system we have currently work. It's not reasonable.

Part 2: What would work?
In short, the conclusion is nothing. I still think it's worth breaking down.
Anyway, so let's go a bit more into what makes trauma happen in childhood development. First, you need to be in the womb. That part isn't negotiable, we don't have test tube babies yet, so let's look at that formative period before doing anything else. Genetics (7) and your mom (8) are the most impactful. You all should know what the genetic factors are; chromosomes, mom and dad, ect.
Your mom is the interesting one. So, you are literally inside of your mom at this period of your life. Obviously what she eats has an impact, but the people around her and the things she listens to, or the feelings she feels, are immensely impactful as well. Think of it like this; we don't know much about the brain, and cannot interview neither the brain nor the fetus, but we DO know that both are inherently related to chemical reactions. These reactions happen in the body. So, if your mom is stressed, fetus-you feels it. It's likely other emotions impact this too but I found no evidence.
From the get go this means you, once again, have no control. It is literally all up to your parents to raise you. Your mom, who has you in her womb. Your mom's close associates, who she speaks to. Fuck, what she eats matters. If your mom wasn't healthy, it's likely you weren't either.
Okay, so now you are out. Congratulations. Here, I'm going to make some theories, and explain why they wouldn't work, then we will resume with the overall essay.

2.1: Isolation

So the problem is the fact that there is extenuating factors. Our life, aka society, is that factor. It is much more reasonable to get two perfect parents, then the entire world to be perfect. And, hey, most rich kids go to other rich kids! So, what if we just limit interaction with the outside world?

In this theory, we would either have limited or no outside world contact. Everything would be 'scripted'. If you were to go outside on the eleventh of march of next year, you would see a man on the street asking for money. This isn't really a source, but an example of what I'm talking about is the Truman Show movie. And there, it does not work.
The main character is a child brought up in a fake setting to see how he interacts with things in his civil enviornment. Due to moral concerns, people try to get him out of the setting. There is a psychological concept about this, called the 'Truman Show Delusion'. (9) It's a state of mind where the person believes their life is being televised as a reality tv show, like the character Truman realized in his movie. The reason why I'm bringing this up is to show why both would not work. With limited outside interaction, such as one neighborhood, unless the entire neighborhood itself is limited or told not to say anything they will still learn about the outside world, and could be impacted as an uncontrolled variable due to research. With none, they could eventually just figure out on their own. We, as people, are inherently skeptical of our situations. And so, Isolation does not work.

2.2: Everything
Okay, so if exposing children to nothing did not work, could we try the reverse, and do everything? No surprise, no fear. You just, know everything that could or would reasonably happen. We could accomplish this by giving the child to different people like they do in foster homes, or having them read about all the good and bad things in the world.
In this theory, we would be showing our children more about the world, through any means possible. Be it other parents, other surroundings, or even just other people. We would place less of a focus on stability, and a greater focus on knowledge.
For this, I will be debunking it by using consistency(10). Consistency is incredibly important for a child. When you were young, did you have a routine? Wake up at a certain time, go to bed at a certain time, go to school on these days and not on those days? If you didn't do anything on the weekends do you look forward to those days now even if you work, or are they more noticeable then other days? See, this doesn't work either. As children, we need things to expect. If every day shows a new experience, we will be brought out of whack. And if only some days? Well...

2.3: The Medium
Okay, so what if we just had an equal balance between focus on the home and focus on change? You know, we send the children out, but they also have a form of stability when they go to the home. Also, we want to make sure the parents are both authoritative.

If you had missed the point of this, I'm saying that this is literally just the normal parenting style we use now. And as I detailed, it does not work. But, furthermore, this lets me show WHY even more. There won't be a 'medium'. Your parents will either be more controlling or less active and you'll be at home more, or you'll not and you'll be exposed to more. This system does not work, because perfection, even numbers, ect does not work.

Part 3: Aight, bet, but why should I care? Does this even matter?

Reflecting on what made you who you are today not only helps you understand your situation better, but the situation of other incels. Realizing what factors were in this that even you yourself could not control is incredibly integral to not only you, the reader, but also your relationships and your future. You cannot, easily, remove these factors which shaped you. Even if you can, it requires so much time and money. You would need to understand everything and then learn what you could do to fix it, but some things might be repressed or impossible to learn now. We cannot reasonably learn what is in the subconscious.

As a result, learning about your childhood and it's impact is very important to also learning about your inceldom. Most people will quote "I am a mentalcel" or "I am a fatcel", and this can be because of factors within their childhood; common disabilities on either the mother's or father's side, genetic fat. You also might be wondering, "I know my life sucks, why do I want to learn why?", to which I would say this;

If you want any hope of bettering your life, whether through copes, connections or if you have the faintest hope you can, indeed, ascend, you need to realize what EXACTLY is holding you back, and how you can stop it from doing that. You have to take a weed from the roots. If it's genetic? There isn't shit you can do about it. You will NEVER be able to look more attractive, or think better, unless you get face surgery or unless we get some kind of injection to change our mental states. If it's trauma, though, you can, potentially, fix it.

Physical trauma will, naturally, be much harder/impossible to fix. Scars, burns, ect are not something you can just decide you don't have. But if you have anger issues that are preventing you from establishing relationships, and otherwise it could be considered reasonable for you to have a girlfriend, its just the anger issues, you should look into what caused the anger issues and see if you can stop them.

In the end, understanding your situation, and what led to your situation happening, is the best way to understand your inceldom, and the steps you can take to better yourself, even if it doesn't have to do with getting a girlfriend and is just copes or enjoying your life more. Being able to cite 'I am x because of y' is incredibly powerful. It doesn't have to be "I'm triggered by this!!!" but it can literally just be you understanding yourself more, and realizing that what you are isn't your fault, because sometimes we can subconsciously blame ourselves for our looks, our disabilities, and our situations.

Stay safe out there, brocels.

(1) https://www.explorepsychology.com/p...e parenting 4 Uninvolved/Neglectful parenting
(2) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...s-style-predict-a-childs-future-relationships

(3) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/202107/are-you-repeating-your-parents-traits
(4) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/neuroscience/how-the-brain-develops
(5) https://scitechdaily.com/what-if-everyone-did-that-how-we-make-moral-decisions/
(6) https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/egalitarianism/
(7) https://www.verywellmind.com/problems-with-prenatal-development-2795120
(8) https://www.verywellfamily.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-fetal-brain-development-4707581
(9) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-excess/201608/the-truman-show-delusion
(10) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...sistent-parenting-is-so-important-and-so-hard
 
You don't need to cite sources, just tell us how you feel.
 
You don't need to cite sources, just tell us how you feel.
citing cool tho

I mostly did psychologytoday as the source because they had degrees and shit in the areas I was speaking about
 
Is this because of your father who happens to be naturally restrictive? Being a police officer and all...
make your fathER pay I can’t stand cops
 

Users who are viewing this thread

shape1
shape2
shape3
shape4
shape5
shape6
Back
Top