Incels.is - Involuntary Celibate

Welcome! This is a forum for involuntary celibates: people who lack a significant other. Are you lonely and wish you had someone in your life? You're not alone! Join our forum and talk to people just like you.

Women Say They Want a Guy With a Sense of Humor. They Don’t

Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Dingus_Incel

Banned
-
Joined
Nov 14, 2017
Posts
121
Online
16m
Gilbert Gottfried lays down the law

I was talking to this girl once, and she was going on and on about how much she loves Jerry Seinfeld. “He’s the funniest guy on the planet,” she told me. “Every joke he does just makes me scream with laughter.” Being a curious person, I asked her if, given the chance, she’d fuck Jerry Seinfeld. “Oh God no,” she said without thinking about it. “Just because I think he’s funny doesn’t mean I want to have sex with him.” Well, I inquired, what does make you want to have sex with a guy? And I swear to you, the first thing out of her mouth was “A sense of humor.”

It’s like a Pavlovian thing with women. Ask them what they’re looking for in a man, and more often than not they’ll tell you, “Somebody who makes me laugh.” But I’m here to tell you, as a man who has made his living in comedy for more than three decades, that women are full of shit.

Being funny (and I have occasionally been funny) has never gotten me laid in my life. I’m sure you find that shocking. “You mean Gilbert Gottfried isn’t constantly beating off women with a stick?” you’re no doubt wondering. Well, I’m definitely beating. I’m beating every night. In fact, I want to stop writing this article right now so I can return to the beating. The fact that I spend so much time beating should tell you everything you need to know. If women were really attracted to a sense of humor, they’d be trampling over Johnny Depp to get to Jay Leno. They’d be pushing Ryan Gosling out of the way to grope the ample buttocks of Larry the Cable Guy. It’s not like women everywhere are waking up in the middle of the night, sweaty from another erotic dream, and shouting out, “Shemp!”

But the myth endures. I remember reading an interview with the model Rachel Hunter, and she was explaining why she married Rod Stewart, a guy 24 years her senior. She said (and I’m paraphrasing), “Rod Stewart is living proof that a man can laugh a woman into bed.” Well, yes, of course, I’m sure his one-liners were all it took. That and being one of the richest, most famous rock stars in the world. But no, it was totally his ease with a clever limerick that made her drop her panties for an old geezer with liver spots.

Guys are constantly being told that a good personality is the only thing that matters to women. “If you can make her smile, it doesn’t matter what you look like.” I know this girl who prides herself on being attracted to nerdy guys. But still she has slept only with a veritable who’s who of handsome rock stars. She’s a model (of course), and she worked for a day on some movie with George Clooney. She told me, “I wasn’t impressed with his stardom, and I didn’t think his looks were all that great. But he was genuinely funny.” Horseshit! If he wasn’t good-looking or famous, nobody would notice his sense of humor. It’s like those women who claim they have crushes on Woody Allen or Larry David. If you’re looking for a Larry David type, they’re everywhere. You want a bald Jew with glasses and an acerbic sense of humor, I could fix you up no problem. But they’re making $7.25 an hour bagging groceries at Whole Foods.

I can only talk from personal experience. For all I know, other comedians are getting more pussy than a veterinarian. But not me. I don’t have groupies. I’ve never had a girl come up to me after a show and say, “That was the funniest act I’ve ever seen. I want to fuck and suck you all night.” That doesn’t happen. I’ve had a few close calls. By which I mean complete misunderstandings on my part. There have been several times when a girl has approached me after a show to tell me how funny I am and then said, “What are you doing tonight?” And I say, “Nothing.” And she says, “You want to come out and do something?” And I say yes because I’m almost positive by “something” she means me. I mean, seriously, who invites a stranger to “do something” after two a.m. if it doesn’t involve one (or both) of us visiting a free clinic the next morning? But then invariably she says, “That’s great. I’ll tell my boyfriend. He’s coming with us.”

Maybe you don’t believe me. Maybe you think there’s still hope. “If I can just be more Gottfried-esque,” you’re thinking, “I’ll get more tail than a Secret Service agent in Colombia.” First of all, thanks for the compliment. And second of all, you’re a delusional fool. You might as well be taking dieting tips from Kirstie Alley. But if you really want my advice, here it is. If a woman is laughing at everything you say, she already plans to fuck you. That’s all there is to it. Your jokes don’t have to be any good, because she’s not really listening. If she’s planning to fuck you, she’ll laugh. And if she’s not, she won’t. End of story.

So if you want to use comedy to get a woman into bed, here’s what you need to do. Find a girl desperate enough to fuck you. Then everything you say will be comedy gold. She’ll be falling out of her chair in hysterics like you’re one of the Marx Brothers. And isn’t that what every woman today is looking for, a guy who reminds her of a vaudeville act from 100 years ago? Every 18-year-old girl out there, the first thing she says about a guy she finds attractive is “He’s as funny as the Marx Brothers. I mean when they were at Paramount, not when they switched over to MGM and were listening to Irving Thalberg.” I think it’s pretty obvious I have my finger on the pulse of modern womanhood.

You want the cold hard truth? A sense of humor means nothing. There’s only one secret to being attractive to the opposite sex, and I’m going to share it with you today. My limited success with the opposite sex isn’t due to my lovable personality or my skill at delivering perfectly timed punch lines. The only reason I’ve ever convinced a woman to sleep with me is because of my enormous cock.

Sorry.
 
jagged0

jagged0

Banned
-
Joined
Nov 12, 2017
Posts
2,851
Online
0
I'm actually kinda happy you blackpilled everyone instead of getting our hopes up with some bluepilled/red pill garbage.
 
Blackpill101

Blackpill101

Banned
-
Joined
Nov 21, 2017
Posts
3,598
Online
0
Lmao. Countless experiments and examples have proven that women don't care about personality at all. Their advices are lies, and even females themselves don't understand what they're talking about more often than not.

"I want a funny guy" = I want a chad who makes me laugh at everything he says simply because I'm attracted to him.
 
D

Dingus_Incel

Banned
-
Joined
Nov 14, 2017
Posts
121
Online
16m
Blackpill101 said:
Lmao. Countless experiments and examples have proven that women don't care about personality at all. Their advices are lies, and even females themselves don't understand what they're talking about more often than not.

"I want a funny guy" = I want a chad who makes me laugh at everything he says simply because I'm attracted to him.

[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]"If a woman is laughing at everything you say, she already plans to fuck you. That’s all there is to it. Your jokes don’t have to be any good, because she’s not really listening. If she’s planning to fuck you, she’ll laugh. And if she’s not, she won’t. End of story." [/font]
 
Blackpill101

Blackpill101

Banned
-
Joined
Nov 21, 2017
Posts
3,598
Online
0
Dingus_Incel said:
[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]"If a woman is laughing at everything you say, she already plans to fuck you. That’s all there is to it. Your jokes don’t have to be any good, because she’s not really listening. If she’s planning to fuck you, she’ll laugh. And if she’s not, she won’t. End of story." [/font]

You said it all to be honest.
 
idkwattodowithlife

idkwattodowithlife

Banned
-
Joined
Nov 7, 2017
Posts
7,519
Online
0
If Chad says a cheesy, cliche, or bad joke, she'll subconsciously try her best to laugh it and all just to possibly secure a date with him.
 
Battlefield3cel

Battlefield3cel

Banned
-
Joined
Nov 9, 2017
Posts
1,178
Online
0
>was talking to this girl once, and she was going on and on about how much she loves Jerry Seinfeld. “He’s the funniest guy on the planet,” she told me. “Every joke he does just makes me scream with laughter.” Being a curious person, I asked her if, given the chance, she’d fuck Jerry Seinfeld. “Oh God no,” she said without thinking about it. “Just because I think he’s funny doesn’t mean I want to have sex with him.” Well, I inquired, what does make you want to have sex with a guy? And I swear to you, the first thing out of her mouth was “A sense of humor.”


giphy.gif
 
NegroKing

NegroKing

Mobster
-
Joined
Nov 11, 2017
Posts
2,500
Online
0
"Women don't find funny men attractive. They find attractive men funny".
 
Fontaine

Fontaine

Overlord
★★★★★
Joined
Nov 15, 2017
Posts
5,432
Online
18h 23m
Modern Western culture is full of outdated memes, old wives tales and clever sayings that actually are false / have no relationship with reality.

A famous guy once said something, normies jumped on the bandwagon, left the bandwagon when they saw it was bull crap, but it was too late and the saying stayed embedded in the popular mind.

I could think of dozens of these examples.
 
Framecel222

Framecel222

Banned
-
Joined
Nov 8, 2017
Posts
4,246
Online
0
I'm not reading this. Having a sense of humor helps but only a little bit. Let's use some common sense here.
 
Red Shambhala

Red Shambhala

Death to America
★★
Joined
Nov 10, 2017
Posts
2,575
Online
0
Women are just full of shit, and calling them out is not possible ATM. It's the same when they claim to like men who are "deep", " interesting", "passionate" or whatever.
 
Deleted member 8

Deleted member 8

Self-banned
-
Joined
Nov 7, 2017
Posts
2,029
Online
8d 1h 32m
Great blackpill. Women love Chad making farting noises with his armpits. It's pretty obvious humor doesn't matter because the jokes on /r/incels were top notch. Politically incorrect, but top notch. Guys like RippedRichAndIncel should be swimming in pussy if it was aboutbeing funny.
 
Deleted member 306

Deleted member 306

Incel Superior
-
Joined
Nov 8, 2017
Posts
7,959
Online
3h 10m
If she likes your looks she is going to laugh anything you say. I was observing a high school couple today (Mega sui fuel btw) and the guy was calling a the girl retarded and she was laughing and holding his hand. Just lol at bluepillers who thing humor means something. IT'S ALL LOOKS.
 
blackcel

blackcel

BBC
-
Joined
Nov 17, 2017
Posts
4,938
Online
52m
What makes it so convincing to young men is that women believe their bullshit lies. They can get away with this because their lies don't matter to anyone who is good looking, and it makes them seem less shallow to the public eye. Women are easy to figure out once you realize everything a woman says is to maintain status.
 
N

NekoStance

Overlord
★★★
Joined
Nov 16, 2017
Posts
5,245
Online
7d 7h 52m
GSOH is so 15 years ago
 
blackcel

blackcel

BBC
-
Joined
Nov 17, 2017
Posts
4,938
Online
52m
All women care about is their social status. Claiming you like someone just because of their looks is shallow and unfair. Why hate someone because of something that they cannot change? Society gives them an easy out by saying "Women like guys who make them laugh." or "Women like guys who are good people.", so when asked they immediately regurgitate what these bullshit phrases that they learned from society. They know it is bullshit at first, but since it gives them a convenient mask to hide behind they continue to repeat these lies. They repeat these lies so frequently that they eventually start to believe them. They can get away with this because the ones who suffer the most from this lack of female self-awareness (or willingness to admit the truth) are ugly men. Ugly, bluepilled are sent on pointless ventures with the goal of improving themselves in ways other than looks, only to make zero progress with women. This is of benefit to women and good looking males because it allows the two groups to more easily have sex with each other. Bluepillers, women, and good-looking men outnumber the blackpilled minority so women are free to continue their shitty behavior and spew their constant lies.
 
Fontaine

Fontaine

Overlord
★★★★★
Joined
Nov 15, 2017
Posts
5,432
Online
18h 23m
blackcel said:
All women care about is their social status. Claiming you like someone just because of their looks is shallow and unfair. Why hate someone because of something that they cannot change? Society gives them an easy out by saying "Women like guys who make them laugh." or "Women like guys who are good people.", so when asked they immediately regurgitate what these bullshit phrases that they learned from society. They know it is bullshit at first, but since it gives them a convenient mask to hide behind they continue to repeat these lies. They repeat these lies so frequently that they eventually start to believe them. They can get away with this because the ones who suffer the most from this lack of female self-awareness (or willingness to admit the truth) are ugly men. Ugly, bluepilled are sent on pointless ventures with the goal of improving themselves in ways other than looks, only to make zero progress with women. This is of benefit to women and good looking males because it allows the two groups to more easily have sex with each other. Bluepillers, women, and good-looking men outnumber the blackpilled minority so women are free to continue their shitty behavior and spew their constant lies.

Legit post, should be part of a blackpill compendium.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
shape1
shape2
shape3
shape4
shape7
shape8
Top