Last night I was up until 3 in the morning sniffing lines playing videogames, When I went to go and try to fall asleep. I ended up brooding all night I coudlnt' get my mind to shut up.
My PC is my safe haven it's where I go everyday to distract myself from my miserable life, that's why the nights are the worst for me because those are the only times where I'm alone with my thoughts.
So I start thinking about my loneliness, my deceased dad, my misery and how disgusted girls are with me because how can't they if I'm still incel by my age? I start thinking about how i'm failing school and how my finances are going to fail. It's scary. This made me stay up all night and then when I started hearing the birds chirping I knew that I was fucked. I was intending to actually get out of bed around 10 with the alarm clock. I don't know if I would have succeeded in that, because I attempt this often and it never works. but I digress
Anyway it's around 6 and now I have a horrible headache, i'm not sleepy but I clearly need sleep to get rid of it. so I close the curtains and sleep from about 8 until 14.
I get out of bed around 14:30 this is the latest I've gotten out of bed so far. it's really depressing.
I don't know how long I can keep this up bros. It's getting worse every day and i'm slowly developing a cocaine addiction I think.
and I'm starting to get suicidal thoughts sometimes in my nightly brooding sessions. I know I probably will never go through with it, because I'm scared of death and I don't want to do that to my mother, but still if things continue like this who knows where my mind will be in the future.
I'm now basically sniffing lines every week.
@zd60 advice?
My PC is my safe haven it's where I go everyday to distract myself from my miserable life, that's why the nights are the worst for me because those are the only times where I'm alone with my thoughts.
So I start thinking about my loneliness, my deceased dad, my misery and how disgusted girls are with me because how can't they if I'm still incel by my age? I start thinking about how i'm failing school and how my finances are going to fail. It's scary. This made me stay up all night and then when I started hearing the birds chirping I knew that I was fucked. I was intending to actually get out of bed around 10 with the alarm clock. I don't know if I would have succeeded in that, because I attempt this often and it never works. but I digress
Anyway it's around 6 and now I have a horrible headache, i'm not sleepy but I clearly need sleep to get rid of it. so I close the curtains and sleep from about 8 until 14.
I get out of bed around 14:30 this is the latest I've gotten out of bed so far. it's really depressing.
I don't know how long I can keep this up bros. It's getting worse every day and i'm slowly developing a cocaine addiction I think.
and I'm starting to get suicidal thoughts sometimes in my nightly brooding sessions. I know I probably will never go through with it, because I'm scared of death and I don't want to do that to my mother, but still if things continue like this who knows where my mind will be in the future.
I'm now basically sniffing lines every week.
@zd60 advice?
