Story Why my social life IRL is almost nonexistent

[Fontaine]

I don't have friends IRL and I'm happy spending my free time reading, on internet forums, or else.

Why? This isn't because I can't get IRL friends. Everywhere I go, I do manage to make myself some friends after a while, to my great surprise because I don't do any effort for it except being quiet, nice and aloof. I eventually get invited to things and sometimes I go. Sometimes I see guys running outside and we start running together.

The reason I always end up going back to solitude: I don't feel at ease. I'm not anxious, nor very shy, I just don't like social contact much.

Now, there are several reasons for this feeling. A psychotherapist could say it's because of unresolved Œdipian complex or some shit. The reality is far more prosaic:

1) I'm weird. I have weird centers of interest, ideas, and areas of knowledge, and I have read too many books and encyclopedias for my own good (iamverysmart / justneckbeardthings, I know). If you talk to me long enough I will eventually "sperg out", either by unconsciously using a word only found in old literature, telling an anecdote found in books, or by having an uncommon view on a controversial subject (or even worse, a subject it's weird to even know about, like cryonics). I'm capable to relate fully only with people who share my views and centers of interest, and old people (because I can learn wisdom from them and they're usually nice/funny to be around).

2) When I self-censor myself I end up running out of conversation topics, getting bored and boring others.

3) I view myself as physically unpleasant / bad-looking and I don't like to impose myself on others.

4) I don't like when things get physical or romantic. Whether it's when sex or exes are mentioned, or when a wedding is mentioned, I just sit there saying nothing or smiling weirdly because I haven't anything to say about this and I don't want to bring scrutiny to my sexless past. And yes, it's painful of course to be reminded of what you missed out on (probably why most incels end up desocialized at some point).

5) I have no leadership and can't impose an activity or conversation topic except in very definite, very specific situations (one to one). (Probably because of a strong entrenched belief that ugly men can't be leaders of a pack, which is obviously sometimes wrong).

6) Overall, I don't enjoy social activities that much - going to the cinema and McDonald's together, or playing a board game, or going to the beach; they feel kind of empty when you're not completely at ease with your friend group for x reason.

 

[micropenis29]

I can relate to all 6.

I think it's rational for incels to become asocial. If the game--which in this case is social gatherings that mainly serve the purpose of sexual signaling--is rigged against us, why should we even play at all?

I might even go as far to say that incels should take a small amount of pride in opting out of social life entirely. It at least means we have some baseline level of intelligence.

 

[turbocuckcel_7000]

If I had to say what is closest to the base of all these problems, it's that whenever I start discussing a topic with a normie, I always know either too much or too little about the topic at hand, this immediately triggers the normie to either cocoon and try to change the subject (they don't want to ask questions and be schooled) or try to statusmog me over knowing "basic stuff" that I don't, either way the conversation thread dies.

In general exchanges where you have to ask a lot of questions to keep the thread going seem to die quickly now, either you're rambling on a long funny story with lots of rapport and barely any breaks or you're having a totally awkward exchange that dies out soon. Having more NT experiences to talk about could be a solution, like the whole process of buying a car and getting your license, going through an arduous interview process for some company, etc.

 

[WarriorSkull]

While I identify and could comment on each of your points, I've come to the conclusion that it all just comes down to not being valued by anyone else. Like you, I can make friends if I try, but I have a hard time considering them friends in a true sense of the word because there is rarely ever any value. What is sadder is when there is a little value, but they aren't able to realize just how rare their valuation of me is. This leads to situations of being introduced to extended friend groups, maybe even the occasional woman with the expectation we'll hit it off. What always happens is the painful experience of being rejected and devalued on first impressions and the awkwardness of being stuck in this situation because of your friend.

This is why shit like plastic surgery and fame are so addictive. They are powerful methods of being valued by others. This is where all self satisfaction comes - other people. If people value you, all your jokes are funny, all your stories are interesting, all your flirtations are endearing and all your foibles are forgiven. All the problems we identify with socializing magically disappear or are transmuted into their inverse properties.

 

[micropenis29]

If I had to say what is closest to the base of all these problems, it's that whenever I start discussing a topic with a normie, I always know either too much or too little about the topic at hand, this immediately triggers the normie to either cocoon and try to change the subject (they don't want to ask questions and be schooled) or try to statusmog me over knowing "basic stuff" that I don't, either way the conversation thread dies.

This is because, I'm guessing, the conversation for you is not about sex (and thus status) but is about genuine interests. For NTs, conversations are always really about sex, it's just that they don't realize it because they're NTs.

In general exchanges where you have to ask a lot of questions to keep the thread going seem to die quickly now, either you're rambling on a long funny story with lots of rapport and barely any breaks or you're having a totally awkward exchange that dies out soon. Having more NT experiences to talk about could be a solution, like the whole process of buying a car and getting your license, going through an arduous interview process for some company, etc.

The problem with talking about NT experiences is that such conversations are incredibly boring and unsatisfying for incel/autist types, since the only point of talking about such stuff is to signal status for sexual purposes. Since we non-NTs can see through this blatant signaling game, participating in it feels like regurgitating lines from a script rather than having a genuine conversation. For NTs, it really is a case of ignorance = bliss.

 

[Deleted member 10124]

I can relate to all 6.

I think it's rational for incels to become asocial. If the game--which in this case is social gatherings that mainly serve the purpose of sexual signaling--is rigged against us, why should we even play at all?

If I had to say what is closest to the base of all these problems, it's that whenever I start discussing a topic with a normie, I always know either too much or too little about the topic at hand, this immediately triggers the normie to either cocoon and try to change the subject (they don't want to ask questions and be schooled) or try to statusmog me over knowing "basic stuff" that I don't, either way the conversation thread dies.

While I identify and could comment on each of your points, I've come to the conclusion that it all just comes down to not being valued by anyone else. Like you, I can make friends if I try, but I have a hard time considering them friends in a true sense of the word because there is rarely ever any value. What is sadder is when there is a little value, but they aren't able to realize just how rare their valuation of me is. This leads to situations of being introduced to extended friend groups, maybe even the occasional woman with the expectation we'll hit it off. What always happens is the painful experience of being rejected and devalued on first impressions and the awkwardness of being stuck in this situation because of your friend.

This is why shit like plastic surgery and fame are so addictive. They are powerful methods of being valued by others. This is where all self satisfaction comes - other people. If people value you, all your jokes are funny, all your stories are interesting, all your flirtations are endearing and all your foibles are forgiven. All the problems we identify with socializing magically disappear or are transmuted into their inverse properties.

These.

 

[Moustachcel]

can relate to all of them I only sometimes go out with my family

 

[SnakeBarrier]

I also can relate to all 6 OP.

 

[Fontaine]

I can relate to all 6.

I think it's rational for incels to become asocial.

It is rational in general to opt out of activities that feel overall like a waste of time and energy.

If I had to say what is closest to the base of all these problems, it's that whenever I start discussing a topic with a normie, I always know either too much or too little about the topic at hand, this immediately triggers the normie to either cocoon and try to change the subject (they don't want to ask questions and be schooled) or try to statusmog me over knowing "basic stuff" that I don't, either way the conversation thread dies.

In general exchanges where you have to ask a lot of questions to keep the thread going seem to die quickly now, either you're rambling on a long funny story with lots of rapport and barely any breaks or you're having a totally awkward exchange that dies out soon. Having more NT experiences to talk about could be a solution, like the whole process of buying a car and getting your license, going through an arduous interview process for some company, etc.

People dislike when someone knows more than them about a topic, unless he's a professor or scientist; there's no way around that. It must be an evolutionary heritage (dominance challenges). You can limit the damage by sending signals of humility ("I've read somewhere that X has happened in Y..." instead of "X has happened in Y"), asking socratic questions instead of making affirmations, and hiding some of your knowledge strategically. This is especially important to do when talking with medical doctors, in my experience - they hate patients who argue.

In general, it is impossible to have a successful social life without a certain amount of hypocrisy, lies by omission, and manipulation. This is called "etiquette".

I was surprised to see myself reproached with pointing out the old age of women (in relevant conversations) - it's a social faux pas to point out the obvious reality sometimes.

People who are brutally honest and blunt about everything usually end up friendless and hated. Teenagers who play the smartasses and get punished for it are basically smart teens who say the truth, but have absolutely no sense of etiquette and respect of hierarchy.

 

[Termus123]

I make friends easily but it always ends up a sausage fest coz foids are boring.

 

[bakadesu]

Can relate to all except the first one. Running social circle game is exhausting, sui fuel and unrewarding

 

[turbocuckcel_7000]

It is rational in general to opt out of activities that feel overall like a waste of time and energy.



People dislike when someone knows more than them about a topic, unless he's a professor or scientist; there's no way around that. It must be an evolutionary heritage (dominance challenges). You can limit the damage by sending signals of humility ("I've read somewhere that X has happened in Y..." instead of "X has happened in Y"), asking socratic questions instead of making affirmations, and hiding some of your knowledge strategically. This is especially important to do when talking with medical doctors, in my experience - they hate patients who argue.

In general, it is impossible to have a successful social life without a certain amount of hypocrisy, lies by omission, and manipulation. This is called "etiquette".

I was surprised to see myself reproached with pointing out the old age of women (in relevant conversations) - it's a social faux pas to point out the obvious reality sometimes.

People who are brutally honest and blunt about everything usually end up friendless and hated. Teenagers who play the smartasses and get punished for it are basically smart teens who say the truth, but have absolutely no sense of etiquette and respect of hierarchy.

Hiding your powerlevel is a good tactic but I still end up losing people, even high IQ ones, I need to try harder.
Socialization has become a shitshow lately, see those tests they ran on normies where they told them about a made-up band or product and got them raving about how cool it was just to fit in... it's all about being on the same page, fake or not, any perceived difference makes things awkward fast, this is why I think amassing boring NT experiences is key.

 

[platypus]

I've thought about this a fair bit because I'm pretty much in the same boat. Except I haven't even bothered to try and make any friends for a long time now.

I think friendship is actually a bluepilled concept. If you're so well read then think about all the great friendships you've heard about. They all basically developed as part of a working relationship. The friends were working to achieve a meaningful goal together.

The idea that you can just maintain friendships purely for some social interaction is bluepilled AF. It's simply not possible.

I'm an Aussie and we have this concept called 'Mateship" which was meant to have really developed during WW1 between the soldiers who were literally fighting to keep each other alive.

The Captain's most trusted officer's are literally called 'mates'.

Look into what I'm saying and you'll find this is the real reason why you're not making friends. There's simply no non-arbitrary goal you're striving for with your fellow man.

 

[Solitarian_Walker]

There is only one reason, everything else you listed is cope.

 

[Lord Byron]

Don’t forget it would be much easier to make friends if women hadn’t systematically destroyed the places where men socialize free of women.

A room full of men are companions. A room full of men with one woman are competitors.

 

[StaroRavager]

People can’t make connections to me. I’m always held at a distance

 

[Zultanite]

Yeah. Making friend online so much easier, for example csgo or discord channels

 

[NoMoreSlaving]

Yeah
If I can't put my penis in it, why bother?

 

[SOCIALSUICIDE]

I cope by gaming. My HS friends stay offline and ghost me when im online. My cope betrays me and its suifuel. We have a whatsapp chat and they post things that they did and I notice I was online at the same time. Im fucking done man... it hurts. Anyone have experienced the same??
i swear to god im going to dissapear and wait till someone remembers me feelscry