Serious Why is loss so hard to deal with?

[bigantennaemay1]

I lost someone tonight. Well, visitation was tonight. I actually received the news on Wednesday morning, he passed over the weekend, last weekend.

I just want to preface, yes, he was a normie, but also yes, he was one of the few people to treat me like a fellow human being. He was an ex-coworker of mine, and a friend, not a close friend, mind you, but still a friend. He used to listen to my troubles, and sympathize. And then he'd tell me about what was going on in his life, tell me about his interests, and what he's done, and what he didn't like. I remember a time I pranked him, I don't want to give away details, because it contains information about both him and me, but he came back the next day, said it had "made [him] cry." But I knew he wasn't serious; he was in good spirits, and treated me more like a friend than a coworker afterward. It was weird, but I accepted it.

He was a good guy. Seemed like he genuinely cared about others. He was open to the black pill, too (at least how I knew it then). He disagreed, didn't believe it, but he didn't shoot me down. A rare breed. A thrillseeker. He loved the outdoors. Even after he left our place of work, I had him friended on Faschbuch, saw what he was up to. He liked hunting. I saw a trophy of his at the funeral home earlier tonight. I think I recall when I saw him upload that one to Facebook. It was a nice kill, a young buck.

I was visiting my brother at his place last night, and that's when I learned how he passed: again, not to share too many details, but the one positive aspect is that he died doing what he loved. But he's gone. Gone now. That's just how life be, innit?

I can't believe I've lost three close family members already, and losing a friend is still hitting this hard. I'm high and I'm drunk and it's still not helping. How do I deal with this?

 

[Zer0/∞]

I understand your grief deeply: I experienced something similar today learning that my own mother was a severe schizophrenic when I asked about the matter to my father because it's been 3 weeks since the paramedics took her to the hospital after she had problems breathing from a panic attack for the third time. I started crying and breaking down as he said that and he had to comfort me on his shoulders: she is metaphorically dead to me now, she is cursed with one of the worst and incurable mental illnesses imaginable and will reduce her life span by 2 decades. I am even crying and my fingers are tensing up as I write these words you see in front.


I used to hate her once and wished she was dead but it wasn't really her fault. I loved her so much when I was much younger: she would try to cook the best Bengali sweets for me and bring me to the library every day growing up, and then when I was in the third grade, I saw her mind slowly decay and her schizophrenic episodes worsen. Why must this be the life I must confront at 17, where Allah curses the innocent just with his whim and with no one who will care except my father?

I hope we both can get the strength to get through this, brocel: this life shouldn't be this brutal, this early for subhumans like us.


Your thread shouldn't be forgotten like this: how can some incels call themselves brothers and not comfort their own?
@Mentally lost cel @SlutLiberationFront @Meus @lonelycurry26

 

[SlutLiberationFront]

I understand your grief deeply: I experienced something similar today learning that my own mother was a severe schizophrenic when I asked about the matter to my father because it's been 3 weeks since the paramedics took her to the hospital after she had problems breathing from a panic attack for the third time. I started crying and breaking down as he said that and he had to comfort me on his shoulders: she is metaphorically dead to me now, she is cursed with one of the worst and incurable mental illnesses imaginable and will reduce her life span by 2 decades. I am even crying and my fingers are tensing up as I write these words you see in front.


I used to hate her once and wished she was dead but it wasn't really her fault. I loved her so much when I was much younger: she would try to cook the best Bengali sweets for me and bring me to the library every day growing, and then when I was in the third grade, I saw her mind slowly decay and her schizophrenic episodes worsen. Why must this be the life I must confront at 17, where Allah curses the innocent just with whim with no one who will care except my father?

I hope we both can get the strength to get through this, brocel: this life shouldn't be this brutal and early for subhumans like us.


Your thread shouldn't be forgotten like this: how can some incels call themselves brothers and not comfort their own?
@Mentally lost cel @SlutLiberationFront @Meus @lonelycurry26

Don't know how a graycel registered yesterday with this being his first post even know who I am and tags me in this, but... I appreciate it.
I was afk from the forum for a while, trying to completely drift away from it, trying to avoid it as much as possible. I'm at a stage in my life where I just off myself at any point, I don't want to stay here anymore. The pain is too much and I can't carry this burden anymore.
I don't know.... I don't know how many suicidefuels I can handle anymore. I just... I don't want to feel anything.
I don't know why my life had to come to this. I don't know.
I have lost way too many people, to life, and to death. I just can't deal with any of this anymore.
I just don't want to be here anymore, I DON'T WANT.
There's not even a way to redeem myself in such an incurable mental hell.
I just want to be out of here soon.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

I don't like what this life does. It shouldn't be this way.

 

[Zer0/∞]

Don't know how a graycel registered yesterday with this being his first post even know who I am and tags me in this, but... I appreciate it.
I was afk from the forum for a while, trying to completely drift away from it, trying to avoid it as much as possible. I'm at a stage in my life where I just off myself at any point, I don't want to stay here anymore. The pain is too much and I can't carry this burden anymore.
I don't know.... I don't know how many suicidefuels I can handle anymore. I just... I don't want to feel anything.
I don't know why my life had to come to this. I don't know.
I have lost way too many people, to life, and to death. I just can't deal with any of this anymore.
I just don't want to be here anymore, I DON'T WANT.
There's not even a way to redeem myself in such an incurable mental hell.
I just want to be out of here soon.

Please don't end it so quickly, sir: your life must be heard before you end it all. I have been lurking on this site for 3 months, 6-10 hrs a day, conflicted should I make an account, but today was just too much and my loneliness was just killing me. Honestly, you are the one I find most relatable on this site along with the other three I tagged, even though your childhood makes mine seem even good in comparison. Write a book like Kafka: you can't let your experiences and pain be taken to the grave.

 

[Kamikaze]

I understand your grief deeply: I experienced something similar today learning that my own mother was a severe schizophrenic when I asked about the matter to my father because it's been 3 weeks since the paramedics took her to the hospital after she had problems breathing from a panic attack for the third time. I started crying and breaking down as he said that and he had to comfort me on his shoulders: she is metaphorically dead to me now, she is cursed with one of the worst and incurable mental illnesses imaginable and will reduce her life span by 2 decades. I am even crying and my fingers are tensing up as I write these words you see in front.


I used to hate her once and wished she was dead but it wasn't really her fault. I loved her so much when I was much younger: she would try to cook the best Bengali sweets for me and bring me to the library every day growing up, and then when I was in the third grade, I saw her mind slowly decay and her schizophrenic episodes worsen. Why must this be the life I must confront at 17, where Allah curses the innocent just with his whim and with no one who will care except my father?

I hope we both can get the strength to get through this, brocel: this life shouldn't be this brutal, this early for subhumans like us.


Your thread shouldn't be forgotten like this: how can some incels call themselves brothers and not comfort their own?
@Mentally lost cel @SlutLiberationFront @Meus @lonelycurry26

How old was your mother at the time of diagnosis? Late onset schizophrenia usually progresses better than early onset one(just a matter of time the person is exposed to cummulative damage). Also: women usually experience milder progression. Don't lose hope man. Like 60% of late onset schizophreniacs are well ballanced on medication. If your mother was medicated beforehand: perhaps she stopped taking the medication?

Don't know how a graycel registered yesterday with this being his first post even know who I am and tags me in this, but... I appreciate it.
I was afk from the forum for a while, trying to completely drift away from it, trying to avoid it as much as possible. I'm at a stage in my life where I just off myself at any point, I don't want to stay here anymore. The pain is too much and I can't carry this burden anymore.
I don't know.... I don't know how many suicidefuels I can handle anymore. I just... I don't want to feel anything.
I don't know why my life had to come to this. I don't know.
I have lost way too many people, to life, and to death. I just can't deal with any of this anymore.
I just don't want to be here anymore, I DON'T WANT.
There's not even a way to redeem myself in such an incurable mental hell.
I just want to be out of here soon.

You're in a really shitty place in your life right now man Definitley take a break ffom this place untill you regain some mental fortitude.
Life sometimes pushes a lot of scoops of shit down your mouth at the same time and it feels like too much to handle. Eliminating a few of those would be a start.

Pm me if you want to vent. Maybe its not as hopeless as it seems from where you are standing right now.

 

[Zer0/∞]

How old was your mother at the time of diagnosis? Late onset schizophrenia usually progresses better than early onset one(just a matter of time the person is exposed to cummulative damage). Also: women usually experience milder progression. Don't lose hope man. Like 60% of late onset schizophreniacs are well ballanced on medication. If your mother was medicated beforehand: perhaps she stopped taking the medication?

Around her early thirties and what I've looked on the internet, it's a typical age when women get diagnosed. But she didn't start getting help since last year and she is by no means a mild schizophrenic: she beats pans till they get completely bent, has tried to get my father arrested 5 times by claiming he beat her, gets into trouble, tried to sue NASA with one of her delusions being that she was some inventor and fights a lot in public. She didn't stop her medication, it just didn't work for her and that's why she's been in the hospital for so long, they need to find the right jewpill for her. Even if she gets the treatment she needs, she won't be the same and will suffer the same problem of such a reduced life expectancy: her eyes feel so worried and dead inside whenever I see them.

 

[Kamikaze]

Around her early thirties and what I've looked on the internet, it's a typical age when women get diagnosed. But she didn't start getting help since last year and she is by no means a mild schizophrenic: she beats pans till they get completely bent, has tried to get my father arrested 5 times by claiming he beat her, gets into trouble, tried to sue NASA with one of her delusions being that she was some inventor and fights a lot in public. She didn't stop her medication, it just didn't work for her and that's why she's been in the hospital for so long, they need to find the right jewpill for her. Even if she gets the treatment she needs, she won't be the same and will suffer the same problem of such a reduced life expectancy: her eyes feel so worried and dead inside whenever I see them.

Sorry to hear that. It is true that life expectancy is reduced, but making sure she is properly medicated to prevent psychotic events, and good self care will help her stay functional for longer. Also remember that life expectancy is a broad statistics term. I have an uncle with stage 4 cancer that was supposed to be sniffing flowers 3 years ago now, another seemingly healthy person can get stroke out of the blue, and all his expectancy projections go down the toilet.

Antipsychotics take time to set in, and adjust to balance out the patient as much as possible. It's a process...
Hopefully they can stabilize her and you can have your old mother back. Stay strong for her lad.

 

[Zer0/∞]

Thank you for your kind words and concern, Kamikaze.

 

[Autismus Maximus]

The only way to deal with grief is time. Lots of time. It can take years until you've recovered from loss.

 

[SerCel]

That's why you have to prepare yourself beforehand. You have to know, not fear, know, that people die and that it will happen to the people around you. That way it doesn't catch you by surprise.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

That's why you have to prepare yourself beforehand. You have to know, not fear, know, that people die and that it will happen to the people around you. That way it doesn't catch you by surprise.

This is good advice. Wish I'd had it sooner.

The only way to deal with grief is time. Lots of time. It can take years until you've recovered from loss.

Business as usual, then. That's how I've dealt with past grief. That, and getting through the dreams that come with it.

 

[SlutLiberationFront]

Please don't end it so quickly, sir: your life must be heard before you end it all. I have been lurking on this site for 3 months, 6-10 hrs a day, conflicted should I make an account, but today was just too much and my loneliness was just killing me. Honestly, you are the one I find most relatable on this site along with the other three I tagged, even though your childhood makes mine seem even good in comparison. Write a book like Kafka: you can't let your experiences and pain be taken to the grave.

I had so many suicidefuels today... yesterday, 2 days ago, 3 days ago, everyday for months... I can't, man...
I don't want to do anything anymore. This pain is too much. It's not lack of sex of inceldom, it's just plain loneliness, depression, dread, despair, desperation, anxiety, disappointment... how did I come to this?
I was travelling to nearby town today, it is very very beautiful in the mountains, and being there was so much ropefuel. Everyone was happy, laughing, they had a significant other and were enjoying their time, all the fun of the town... and I was grumpy, because I had no one to talk to, no one to share anything, have a laugh, eat a delicious snack, just sit somewhere and talk... I will never have that. Happiness and love was all around me, while I was shrouded in mysery, anger, emptiness and loneliness.

IT cucks will say I have never tried to get someone, but I tried, I tried SO MANY TIMES, I tried SO HARD all my life and could never achieve anything.
There was a moment I was standing in the sidewalk, and a girl walked past me with her boyfriend, she looked like a girl I had an infinite crush for 7 fucking years, I wanted to go inside the shopping, find a restroom and cry there until my tears would dry.
This is not life, this is not what I wanted to me. If I am condemned to this type of suffering for the rest of my existence, I choose to have no "rest of existence". This has been off the charts and way above any limits I had ever set in my entire life.

I can't take it anymore. I had hopes that with the progression of the years, my mental illness would take over me and take me out of reality, but it didn't happen. I'm still here, I'm still aware of my surroundings and the world out there. I wish I was not... I wish.
I want to disappear, I want to take a rest from life, this is not even pain anymore, it is something much beyond that. I don't care about inceldom anymore, I just want to get out of this state of mind of infinite despair and perdition.

I don't have options anymore. I can't cope with anything imaginable, can't do anything, ANYTHING. If I can't cope or do the most basic things, what else am I supposed to do? I've been feeling suicidal, completely suicidal with it repeating in my mind non-stop 24 hours a day everyday since 2011. There's just so much someone can take. 14 years of endless ultra deep depression, and 10 years of strong suicidal ideation and I've already tried to end it all in 2014 but I failed.
I want to stop it. I want to get out of reality, I want to stop feeling. The amazingly beautiful scenery of the place I was, the little town in the mountains, peaceful and cozy, was not enough to drift my mind away from what I feel. Nothing can do that.
I'm tired... I'm really tired. I don't want to be alive if being alive is like this.