As a first born son to a single mother , problems have been written on my name since birth. as far as , my birth being a problem. as my mother herself said , her "life was beautiful and flawless before she had me" or that she "could've had a perfect life without me" and other words I'd never in my life say to my (hypothetical) son no matter how badly our financial situation could be at his birth.
I remember her once telling me she "could've aborted me when she had the chance but didn't and you do this as a thank you?" because i didn't want to give her 50 or so € from my paycheck which i got from working in the sun for hours with brownoids for barely 5€/hr.
Let's start at day 1.
This woman admitted the only reason i was convinced was because my father was attractive and nothing else. Even stating she knew he had multiple other girlfriends and was a "player". why have a relationship with someone of this character in the first place and blame him leaving you on everyone else.
She never researched how to raise a child so she showed me down my grandparents throats as a solution and left to work ever since i was months old. only coming home to sleep, to a point where she lived in a whole different country when i was just 3.
Only seeing me trough skype and that too only handful of times.
she never learned me how to write. she never learned me how to read. she never learned me how to count. and definitely not things as how to shave properly. infact I didn't know how the clock works until i figured it myself. i vividly remember that one time where she DID try to teach me something, i was 6 and was in a spelling bee type of a contest , she repeated something 3-4 times and i still didn't fully get it and she started to scream at me for being stupid and no brained until i cried. this shit happened all the time over anything no matter how small of a issue it was. when i did start to cry she was calling me girly and said "what type of a boy are you". every single time. trough my childhood I was continuously and relentlessly mocked for having emotion. as far as having the words crybaby written on my off from kindergarten note from my caretaker (also woman btw). this went on for years. she never helped me solve my problems. she just told me to man up. no matter the occasion. 3 bigger kids could bully me at once , "man up". an entire class could (hypothetically) bully me and she'd say the same thing..the ONLY person who stepped up was my grandpa... This woman cared so little that i only have 4-8 pictures from birth to age 3. from which some are barely 140p and black and white. her excuse wasn't better either. she said she took all photos of me on a old nokia which she left in the attic and someone stole it. why the FUCK would you put your "most precious" memories of your only child in a fucking Nokia or sony Ericsson or whatever the fuck and just leave it at the attic??!! not even backup not even printing it NOTHING.
Inhuman Greed.
she , always went on how i ruined her financially , which , makes no fucking sense. She ruined my entire upbringing from how poor of a diet she fed me. I don't know if it's still even sold , but my main meal used to be 30-40% meat sausage abominations that when held horizontally tore into 2 pieces.
She , put so much sugar in my tea that my teeth were rotten and deformed into one frontal tooth abomination at the age of 6.
At age 10 , i was so weak i couldn't light a lighter for my birthday candles. of course got mocked for it.
so she was NOT spending alot of money on me. barely anything in fact given how cheap everything was back then.
However , when she DID infact have money , she held it secret to the whole family. There were times where i was crying and arguing if she can buy me a 20€ backpack from a chinese corner store when she could've had 3000+€ in the bank (that was alot in my country att) because mine is ugly and kids make fun of it and she didn't... so..
How did i find out about the money?
She lost it.
This woman lost XY THOUSANDS of euro on her boyfriend because he struggled with gambling. and to top it off , she chose to have a child with him. NOONE approved of it.
But what did her only child see from those thousands of euro? nothing. we lived in poverty in a infested home. so infested that i had to dump my bed frame and moved the mattress to the ground and still got bitten out , then i switched to an air bed which i had to inflate by mouth every night because it always deflated. in the end i just resorted to sleeping on one of those waiting chairs they have at doctor rooms and putting my legs on a old compaq pc case.
i slept so little that teachers filed complaints to the principal that I was smoking marihuana from how tired i looked. going as far as to saying they "smelt it" lmfao. all of this was happening when i was 12-13 btw.
Did she better herself after i had to survive theese hardships with her?
No. even after living trough that she treated me even worse. i finally started to work on myself and realized why is my life so fucking bad. and it was that she never taught me what to do. she only mocked me for failing.
After we moved out of the infested home I thought things would get better but no. Out of all the apartments she chose one where her room was only separated from mine by a sliding door. that's a story worthy of it's own thread. I couldn't ever call with my friends, couldn't keep my light on past 20:00 for years and the list goes on and on. There are xyz stories like when i had a friend coming over for a sleepover and she found a note i was writing to one girl where i added a shirtless picture and she showed and screamed about that infront of my friend as if he wasnt even there. pure humiliation. I'm basically a grown man now and she still shows zero respect towards me. her second son she had is (diagnosed) mentally challanged and always messes up my whole room when i go out so i invented a locking mechanism for sliding doors , she , out of spite removes it every time just so he could do it over and over again. it came to a point where i stopped organizing my room for good. she has words so heartless that even after all theese years they surprise me. i was sad on my last birthday. she asked if it was because my father was never here for me. she knew how sad that sentence is. or stuff as "you have zero rights over absolutely anything as long as you live with me". there's much and much that i left out or forced myself to forget but this is my experience with the "most empathic gender". Just today she threw my contact lenses away for no reason and went on to insult me how "i will never in my life be white" and how i need to stop trying because "i look like a gypsy anyways" because of my hair and that "atleast she has colored eyes unlike me". when her second son was born , i vividly remember to this day even after all the years her shouting "i FINALLY have a blue eyed son". across my room
that hurts to hear when you're 12. i believe this single sentence was at very least the subliminal start of a spiral to blackpill because it was from my own family. own mom.
I'll also never forgive her for ruining my whole pubertal and pre teen life by feeding me worlds cheapest goyslop and then saying it didn't matter. or how my "blue eyed brother" is her whole life and how i never was. how he has everything while i had nearly nothing. I hope someone reading this forum will feel like they aren't the only guy who has this in their home every day. I don't know if it ever gets better because even if i move out I'll still feel the hole in my chest from all those years that could've, could've been good. like that one xbox360 which she could've at one point buy atleast 250 times but didn't once. the thought i never had a proper father figure that cared for me and did all that stuff kids dream of like driving a car together, fishing together , camping together , hiking together just because she purposefully chose men from attraction trough her whole life and not stability. thanks. thanks for everything. i remember once telling her all of this. not a single sorry , no empathy , just said
"Wait one more year and you live your own life. I can't wait until you disappear".
the cherry ontop is her actively denying all of this in public. always. but what can i expect from someone that actively tried to turn my own grandparents against me by completely making up words I didn't say on numerous occasions just to gain empathy then telling me words how "now noone will be on your side. not like they wanted you anyways". Doing shit like taking pictures of my room when it's messy because i gave up cleaning it from her autistic child always fucking it up and sending it to them to solidify how "nasty" i am.
Tommorow , I'm supposed to wake up , say hi to her , and act like I don't remember everything i wrote in here. gg
I remember her once telling me she "could've aborted me when she had the chance but didn't and you do this as a thank you?" because i didn't want to give her 50 or so € from my paycheck which i got from working in the sun for hours with brownoids for barely 5€/hr.
Let's start at day 1.
This woman admitted the only reason i was convinced was because my father was attractive and nothing else. Even stating she knew he had multiple other girlfriends and was a "player". why have a relationship with someone of this character in the first place and blame him leaving you on everyone else.
She never researched how to raise a child so she showed me down my grandparents throats as a solution and left to work ever since i was months old. only coming home to sleep, to a point where she lived in a whole different country when i was just 3.
Only seeing me trough skype and that too only handful of times.
she never learned me how to write. she never learned me how to read. she never learned me how to count. and definitely not things as how to shave properly. infact I didn't know how the clock works until i figured it myself. i vividly remember that one time where she DID try to teach me something, i was 6 and was in a spelling bee type of a contest , she repeated something 3-4 times and i still didn't fully get it and she started to scream at me for being stupid and no brained until i cried. this shit happened all the time over anything no matter how small of a issue it was. when i did start to cry she was calling me girly and said "what type of a boy are you". every single time. trough my childhood I was continuously and relentlessly mocked for having emotion. as far as having the words crybaby written on my off from kindergarten note from my caretaker (also woman btw). this went on for years. she never helped me solve my problems. she just told me to man up. no matter the occasion. 3 bigger kids could bully me at once , "man up". an entire class could (hypothetically) bully me and she'd say the same thing..the ONLY person who stepped up was my grandpa... This woman cared so little that i only have 4-8 pictures from birth to age 3. from which some are barely 140p and black and white. her excuse wasn't better either. she said she took all photos of me on a old nokia which she left in the attic and someone stole it. why the FUCK would you put your "most precious" memories of your only child in a fucking Nokia or sony Ericsson or whatever the fuck and just leave it at the attic??!! not even backup not even printing it NOTHING.
Inhuman Greed.
she , always went on how i ruined her financially , which , makes no fucking sense. She ruined my entire upbringing from how poor of a diet she fed me. I don't know if it's still even sold , but my main meal used to be 30-40% meat sausage abominations that when held horizontally tore into 2 pieces.
She , put so much sugar in my tea that my teeth were rotten and deformed into one frontal tooth abomination at the age of 6.
At age 10 , i was so weak i couldn't light a lighter for my birthday candles. of course got mocked for it.
so she was NOT spending alot of money on me. barely anything in fact given how cheap everything was back then.
However , when she DID infact have money , she held it secret to the whole family. There were times where i was crying and arguing if she can buy me a 20€ backpack from a chinese corner store when she could've had 3000+€ in the bank (that was alot in my country att) because mine is ugly and kids make fun of it and she didn't... so..
How did i find out about the money?
She lost it.
This woman lost XY THOUSANDS of euro on her boyfriend because he struggled with gambling. and to top it off , she chose to have a child with him. NOONE approved of it.
But what did her only child see from those thousands of euro? nothing. we lived in poverty in a infested home. so infested that i had to dump my bed frame and moved the mattress to the ground and still got bitten out , then i switched to an air bed which i had to inflate by mouth every night because it always deflated. in the end i just resorted to sleeping on one of those waiting chairs they have at doctor rooms and putting my legs on a old compaq pc case.
i slept so little that teachers filed complaints to the principal that I was smoking marihuana from how tired i looked. going as far as to saying they "smelt it" lmfao. all of this was happening when i was 12-13 btw.
Did she better herself after i had to survive theese hardships with her?
No. even after living trough that she treated me even worse. i finally started to work on myself and realized why is my life so fucking bad. and it was that she never taught me what to do. she only mocked me for failing.
After we moved out of the infested home I thought things would get better but no. Out of all the apartments she chose one where her room was only separated from mine by a sliding door. that's a story worthy of it's own thread. I couldn't ever call with my friends, couldn't keep my light on past 20:00 for years and the list goes on and on. There are xyz stories like when i had a friend coming over for a sleepover and she found a note i was writing to one girl where i added a shirtless picture and she showed and screamed about that infront of my friend as if he wasnt even there. pure humiliation. I'm basically a grown man now and she still shows zero respect towards me. her second son she had is (diagnosed) mentally challanged and always messes up my whole room when i go out so i invented a locking mechanism for sliding doors , she , out of spite removes it every time just so he could do it over and over again. it came to a point where i stopped organizing my room for good. she has words so heartless that even after all theese years they surprise me. i was sad on my last birthday. she asked if it was because my father was never here for me. she knew how sad that sentence is. or stuff as "you have zero rights over absolutely anything as long as you live with me". there's much and much that i left out or forced myself to forget but this is my experience with the "most empathic gender". Just today she threw my contact lenses away for no reason and went on to insult me how "i will never in my life be white" and how i need to stop trying because "i look like a gypsy anyways" because of my hair and that "atleast she has colored eyes unlike me". when her second son was born , i vividly remember to this day even after all the years her shouting "i FINALLY have a blue eyed son". across my room
that hurts to hear when you're 12. i believe this single sentence was at very least the subliminal start of a spiral to blackpill because it was from my own family. own mom.
I'll also never forgive her for ruining my whole pubertal and pre teen life by feeding me worlds cheapest goyslop and then saying it didn't matter. or how my "blue eyed brother" is her whole life and how i never was. how he has everything while i had nearly nothing. I hope someone reading this forum will feel like they aren't the only guy who has this in their home every day. I don't know if it ever gets better because even if i move out I'll still feel the hole in my chest from all those years that could've, could've been good. like that one xbox360 which she could've at one point buy atleast 250 times but didn't once. the thought i never had a proper father figure that cared for me and did all that stuff kids dream of like driving a car together, fishing together , camping together , hiking together just because she purposefully chose men from attraction trough her whole life and not stability. thanks. thanks for everything. i remember once telling her all of this. not a single sorry , no empathy , just said
"Wait one more year and you live your own life. I can't wait until you disappear".
the cherry ontop is her actively denying all of this in public. always. but what can i expect from someone that actively tried to turn my own grandparents against me by completely making up words I didn't say on numerous occasions just to gain empathy then telling me words how "now noone will be on your side. not like they wanted you anyways". Doing shit like taking pictures of my room when it's messy because i gave up cleaning it from her autistic child always fucking it up and sending it to them to solidify how "nasty" i am.
Tommorow , I'm supposed to wake up , say hi to her , and act like I don't remember everything i wrote in here. gg
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. All men are animals anyway just like your father, and all the men she's chosen before, so you are just gonna end up a demon anyway, she might as well blow some steam anyway 
