For several years now I can't really enjoy games anymore. I play for minutes then I'm bored, even though I try to find interesting games for hours every day.
But one of the few games that keeps drawing me in every now and then is LoL.
Every year or so, I get hooked for a while, since like 2010. I end up doing the same thing for the past few years: install the game, play like 5 or even 10 or more games in one day, realize I hate it, then I delete it SWEARING to myself that I won't play again. The very next day I reinstall it, rinse and repeat for a few weeks or even a month or two until I quit for good for a year. I literally uninstall/reinstall it tens of times, cause I fucking hate it but crave it too.
Here's the thing, why the fuck do I crave it? Even after trying hard to improve for years, watching many guides and whatnot, I still suck (silver rank at best). I'll never be good at it. Winning doesn't give me any joy, I chase the dragon of winning and when I do win it's just slight relief, a very "meh" feeling. And yet losing makes me furious sometimes (most of the time just slightly frustrated).
I think there's just nothing more interesting for me to do in life, so I just gravitate to this, even if I don't even find it all that interesting.
But one of the few games that keeps drawing me in every now and then is LoL.
Every year or so, I get hooked for a while, since like 2010. I end up doing the same thing for the past few years: install the game, play like 5 or even 10 or more games in one day, realize I hate it, then I delete it SWEARING to myself that I won't play again. The very next day I reinstall it, rinse and repeat for a few weeks or even a month or two until I quit for good for a year. I literally uninstall/reinstall it tens of times, cause I fucking hate it but crave it too.
Here's the thing, why the fuck do I crave it? Even after trying hard to improve for years, watching many guides and whatnot, I still suck (silver rank at best). I'll never be good at it. Winning doesn't give me any joy, I chase the dragon of winning and when I do win it's just slight relief, a very "meh" feeling. And yet losing makes me furious sometimes (most of the time just slightly frustrated).
I think there's just nothing more interesting for me to do in life, so I just gravitate to this, even if I don't even find it all that interesting.
