Venting Who exactly am I doing this for? (Walking around just now for an hour as an allegory for my life)

[zekr]

Why exactly am I staying alive? It's not benefiting me in any way and I'm not getting anything out of life whatsoever. An hour ago I decided to go outside to get some food since nothing is in my house and no one made dinner. My mom is locked away in her room doing idk what not saying anything, and my boomer dad is just plopped in front of the TV eating chips, furious at me because "my room is too dirty for his liking"... I'm a 22 year old friendless KHHV who grew up with helicopter parents. So I decided to go out, walking quite a far distance to get some falafel. As I walked past the grain of the crowd for 30 minutes coming from the train, it was a cold, packed, dark, musty, polluted sea of blurry people walking past me. Strange faces, couples walking past me (mostly interracial), homeless people digging through trash, over-priced hipster bars and sushi restaurants serving their soulless customers interrupted by the blinding lights of shops ever so often...I just stopped for a moment and said "This isn't worth it in any capacity". I kept walking on and finally got to the food cart where the blank faced curry man just stared at me saying nothing, then he looked pissed. I said "1 falafel over rice" and that was it. He made the food and said nothing, gesturing to give him the money. Literally not talking and just handed me my food and change. Then I decided to get a drink and went to another curry deli where an Asian guy just pushed right into me for no reason as I was at the refrigerator. I didn't say anything and just left. I took a shortcut through an alley where a bunch of Mexican delivery drivers where just sitting around, eyeballing me, drinking beers while speaking Spanish loudly. Now I'm sitting in front of my soulless screen in my cold room eating the shitty overpriced (now cold) small portioned food. wtf is this? A dystopia, alienating, gray garbage-land, globo-homo wet-dream city-scape. I'm living in a city with a low social trust factor and rising crime, 0 sense of community, no family, friends, completely broke with no escape whatsoever, I mean wtf...How is this worth it for me? "It gets better bro, trust me"

 

[Deleted member 40252]

 

[PLA1092]

Brutal

 

[RandomGuy]

Try to spend more quality time with parents or you regret it later. I have nobody to call. Living as a hermit out in the cold backcountry.

 

[Filipinocel]

Try to spend more quality time with parents or you regret it later. I have nobody to call. Living as a hermit out in the cold backcountry.

Based isolationmaxxing.

 

[gimmedatrope999]

Very relatable. I wont promise you that things will get better, if anything, its most likely to get much worse, but I hope that you can find some pleasure in this carnival of Carnage called life. Reading philosophy is a good cope for me during turbulent times, give it a try.

 

[shavvka]

A dystopia, alienating, gray garbage-land, globo-homo wet-dream city-scape. I'm living in a city with a low social trust factor and rising crime, 0 sense of community, no family, friends, completely broke with no escape whatsoever

A very depressing thing to notice, hope you're hanging on somehow
I get the same feeling whenever the tv happens to be on; I dunno if it's the obnoxious commercials or dumb-as-shoe shows, but something about the modern telly seems cold and dystopic

 

[RandomGuy]

Based isolationmaxxing.

I have plenty of food and weed, so i am coping okay. Isolation since 2013.

 

[highinhibition]

brutal read, reminds me of my time i lived alone in my college town

ngl i have better relationship with my parents, sounds depressing as fuck

in general: going outside = deathfuel

so cold, so lonely and so indifferent and hostile

its much better to stay home if you can and cook your own food, steaks or salmon, sth nice

 

[Logic55]

Why exactly am I staying alive? It's not benefiting me in any way and I'm not getting anything out of life whatsoever. An hour ago I decided to go outside to get some food since nothing is in my house and no one made dinner. My mom is locked away in her room doing idk what not saying anything, and my boomer dad is just plopped in front of the TV eating chips, furious at me because "my room is too dirty for his liking"... I'm a 22 year old friendless KHHV who grew up with helicopter parents. So I decided to go out, walking quite a far distance to get some falafel. As I walked past the grain of the crowd for 30 minutes coming from the train, it was a cold, packed, dark, musty, polluted sea of blurry people walking past me. Strange faces, couples walking past me (mostly interracial), homeless people digging through trash, over-priced hipster bars and sushi restaurants serving their soulless customers interrupted by the blinding lights of shops ever so often...I just stopped for a moment and said "This isn't worth it in any capacity". I kept walking on and finally got to the food cart where the blank faced curry man just stared at me saying nothing, then he looked pissed. I said "1 falafel over rice" and that was it. He made the food and said nothing, gesturing to give him the money. Literally not talking and just handed me my food and change. Then I decided to get a drink and went to another curry deli where an Asian guy just pushed right into me for no reason as I was at the refrigerator. I didn't say anything and just left. I took a shortcut through an alley where a bunch of Mexican delivery drivers where just sitting around, eyeballing me, drinking beers while speaking Spanish loudly. Now I'm sitting in front of my soulless screen in my cold room eating the shitty overpriced (now cold) small portioned food. wtf is this? A dystopia, alienating, gray garbage-land, globo-homo wet-dream city-scape. I'm living in a city with a low social trust factor and rising crime, 0 sense of community, no family, friends, completely broke with no escape whatsoever, I mean wtf...How is this worth it for me? "It gets better bro, trust me"

I have experienced days like those where I just wander around the lifeless city I live in just to eat junk food and then I return to my house to do nothing and I sit in my couch watching youtube or play xbox until I fall asleep

 

[Buried Alive 2.0]

Brutal and very relatable.

In my experience family is shit, work relationships are shallow and friends will be enjoying girlfriends and perfect lives.

Sadly, there is no life without finding a girlfriend. By 30 you'll have exhausted all your copes, like I have, and what's left is what you described.

 

[Robb97]

What a brutal read. This is exactly how today's society is for an unvalued man.