I'm 30.
My earlier childhood wasn't so bad really. My mum didn't work when she had me and my sibling. We survived on what my dad earned. We lived in a big old house that my parents got cheap because it was fucked. I never had the stuff other kids had. I didn't even go on a summer holiday till i was 7, i was a man when i went abroad for the first time. Made me really self conscious and made me a bit of a weirdo at school. My shoes were crap. My clothes were crap. My dad drove a shitty old Morris Ital. I was diagnosed as being ADHD but luckily my mum resisted my being medicated. I had a few friends. I can't complain. My dad used to beat the hell out of me sometimes. Probably didn't hit me enough.
Childhood wasn't so bad. I was a ninja with lego, mechano, airfix models. When my mum went back to work we got a PC. Computers and electronics have always been a thing for me. My dad was always refurbishing the house. As punishment he used to make me work with him or my uncle when i got kicked out of school who was a builder. I loved Star Trek. Marvel cartoons. Gerry Anderson shows from the 60's like Stingray, Captain Scarlet and Thunderbirds. I got to see Star Wars for the first time at the Cinema when the special editions were released. My favorite sports at school were cricket and rugby. I swam. Even competed at one point.
High school was where things went downhill. At first it was great in year 7. I had some friends. We were a good crew. The school was a tough environment. A lot like prison. My stupid boomer parents couldn't understand. Being white i was at a severe disadvantage. We were targets and other racial groups could do what they wanted and terrorised the school. I was getting into all sorts of fights and trouble. I had to be clever and play politics from a very young age. The girls were the worst. When they gained sexual power at puberty. They loved the power to make guys and the thug ass niggers do stuff. My friends got involved with drug and alcohol or were trying to be popular and getting with the girls. Some of them were happy to throw people like me under the bus at any opportunity. So that was it for friends.
We had serious violence problems at my school. Drugs. Gangs. Many kids carried blades. I used to wear padding under my clothes some days if it was going to kick off. I carried a whacking stick i made out of pipe, epoxy resin and threadrod in my bag. The socially isolated kids were targets. Although this was the same school where after i was searched (while they never dared search the black kids) all of who carried blades, drugs and the older ones had airguns or maybe some actual guns (shitty re-activated revolvers). I was getting done over for having pliers and a screwdriver which school management told me was an offensive weapon. Another time i got expelled for having 2 10mm spanners and set of tyre leavers.
I survived by being useful to certain bad people. I made stuff for them. Catapults made me some big money. It was the weapon of choice at our school for a while. Fixing bikes made me quite a bit. I made a few crude but reasonably decent crossbows. I fixed a couple air pistols for some of the older boys. I did computer stuff for them, made CD's and burnt movies and tv shows for them, i put games and files on their computers or nokia phones. I also used to do homework for people. Give them cheat sheets for essays and stuff. It was a piece of piss. Being one of the most intelligent people at school was a weird experience.
I was extremely angry and depressed by year 8/9. I went in army cadets because i wanted to learn how to kill and to fight. That was ok. It wasn't as bad as school. I was considering a military career like a lot of other men in my family. I liked firing guns. I was very proud when i got my first stripe, but it began to badly affect my mental health. Here was me. An NCO who had to lead the younger cadets and recruits. Yet i was a virgin and the blokes i was with weren't even though some of them didn't even have hair on their chest yet. I was so ashamed. I was trying to compensate for it. I ruled out a military career by the time i was 16-17 i realised things in Iraq and Afghanistan were fucked and the government were killing our blokes because they had no fucking idea.
Gaming and science fiction got me through school. I'd been a mainly Playstation gamer, but then came Xbox. Halo was my life for a while. By year 10 i had no friends. I did have some "associates" most of who were social retards (severe autism, learning difficulties and low IQ). One guy who was probably the nearest thing i had to a friend used to follow me around. He was low IQ although with clear instructions he would follow them to the letter. I kept him out of trouble. He didn't wash very often and he called me sir all the time. He was obsessed with this girl. He was a major pervert. I caught him going in the girls changing rooms during PE once sniffing their clothes. I fucked him up. Telling him I'd rat him out if he ever did it again. We avoided lots of beatings and fights. Avoided bad people. Hid in the bushes at lunch and stuff. Hoped the fence to get out of school or skip class. School was not at all challenging. I spent most of my time bored out of my skull. I spent a lot of classes except Science, IT, woodworking/metalwork and history reading. Plenty blokes i went to school with couldn't read.
The other guy i hung out with a lot was a really weird fervent Mormon. We argued often but we used to talk shop mainly. He was big on electronics and computers too. We used to go to the workshop at lunchtime. The teacher in that was a good bloke. He used to keep us there on "detention" and we would make worksheets for him. Set up the workshop, set the lathes or the CNC up. Put tools out. Let us use the tools to fix stuff sometimes.
The other guys i hung out with were thick. They resented me for keeping them out of trouble. One was a really low IQ weirdo. He never washed or brushed his teeth. He stank. Talked endless shit which he thought made him sound clever but was just bullshit. Never listened. Got us in trouble because he wouldn't shut up. He lived in a shitty area of town. The other was even thicker. Had some hygeine but talked like he was an SAS commando. He was another one who wouldn't listen. Got a girl pregnant at 16. His brothers were the same way. Two brothers (born 10 months apart, whew) who both had learning difficulties. Really slow on the uptake. Talked shit. Got themselves in trouble. Made us targets.
I was so glad to be out of school at 16. GCSE's were easy. I went to college for A-levels. I sort of missed my "associates" although they didn't miss me for the most part. The mormon guy was smart and went into an apprenticeship. I tried to convince the one guy to come to college with me but he wouldn't. He's been NEET ever since and is still a pervert. I didn't really speak to anyone at college. Except for a foreign student. An Asian from Tanzania. I wasted 2 years there. With no motivation. I wanted a job but couldn't get one and thought programming was the ticket to big money to get a woman. I gave up on army cadets during this time as well. I was more apathetic after all the shit i was going through. Had no motivation for schoolwork and my grades actually dropped a bit. I was spending lots of time on the internet on forums and stuff. I was active on a social/blogging (mostly defunct these days) site back then big time. Wasted even more time on xbox on GTA: San Andreas and Halo 2 and watching TV shows.
I went to University. Admittedly partly because i didn't know what to do with myself. It was shit. I spoke to no one there really. I stopped going after a while and then dropped out. Turns out i'm not a very good programmer. I met my oneitis online when i was 17 but i started to fall for her and went from a seriously redpilled guy to a bluepilled looser. I was in denial. I was NEET for months after university. Eventually i found part time work. I had a few jobs over the next few years. I worked on building sites. I work in an office. I was a groundsman on offices and industrial estates for years. Did some maintenance there. I tried PUA stuff (well PUA lite. The word didn't really exist back then really) and applying these tactics got me in trouble. Then i'd go back to being bluepill in denial and try to appease my oneitis. It was toxic. Which lead me to trying other stuff with girls. Lost my virginity to an escort after i started working full time. A few years later I flew overseas to meet my oneitis and she rejected me. She is with a useless hipster pretty boy now. Loads more rejections. Escortceling on the side to avoid going mad. Otherwise i'd still be a virgin. Life has just been the same since my mental breakdown and full red pilling a few years ago. Got on r/foreveralone then on r/incels after it got cucked and i got banned. Here i am. Fully blackpilled and pretty zen compared to how i used to be.
