L
I know I am aesthetically unworthy, as well as mentally variant from what a regular human should be. I no longer try to go out and eat on campus, simply because I am a gentleman at heart, and I don't like the thought of people having to see my repulsive self. Just by virtue of going out to eat (by myself of course) today, I probably ruined dozens of peoples' days simply because they had the displeasure to look at me.
I no longer fap. I can't even fantasize a scenario where a human female is attracted to me, so fapping is pointless.
I've become very secluded in myself. One bright spot with all of this is that among all of the students in my CS class (250ish people), I am the best. Nobody comes close. I attended a coding competition last month where we were allowed to make teams of 3 and just compete with each other to solve coding problems in a certain period of time. I competed by myself, and won against every team and individual. I guess that made me feel really well.
Sometimes people do talk to me, but just to help them with their assignments/projects. I don't really mind, as it offers me a venue to socially interact with them. I like to write and think a lot, but I don't talk very much so it's difficult for me to convey myself verbally sometimes.
Life is really strange. Right now, I'm planning on dedicating my life to study AI, and by extension I'd also like to study myself from the ground up. I guess one bright spot of never having the option to form a family/have kids is that there is really no incentive to work, so I have to find purpose elsewhere. Sometimes people in my CS classes call me a 'CS god', but I really hate it because it falsely feeds my ego, and I'm no where near as knowledgable as I need to be.
I've been thinking a lot about what kind of intelligent entity I would create, if I were to be a creator of some kind. I don't think I would given any such entities sexual lust, as I find it really corrupting. Though I suppose immortality is necessary in this case. Stimuli would still be necessary, just not of the sexually lustful kind (perhaps love would still be a possibility, just requiring a higher-bar and not necessarily be hedonistic in pursuit?).
But alas, perhaps my personal experiences blind me from certain truths. I've never held hands, hugged, or have had any sort of physical contact with a female that is not of familial background.
Sometimes I wonder how they feel. They seem very soft. I've shaken hands with them before at career fairs, though I don't think that really counts.
To be a truecel is a very fascinating fate.
I no longer fap. I can't even fantasize a scenario where a human female is attracted to me, so fapping is pointless.
I've become very secluded in myself. One bright spot with all of this is that among all of the students in my CS class (250ish people), I am the best. Nobody comes close. I attended a coding competition last month where we were allowed to make teams of 3 and just compete with each other to solve coding problems in a certain period of time. I competed by myself, and won against every team and individual. I guess that made me feel really well.
Sometimes people do talk to me, but just to help them with their assignments/projects. I don't really mind, as it offers me a venue to socially interact with them. I like to write and think a lot, but I don't talk very much so it's difficult for me to convey myself verbally sometimes.
Life is really strange. Right now, I'm planning on dedicating my life to study AI, and by extension I'd also like to study myself from the ground up. I guess one bright spot of never having the option to form a family/have kids is that there is really no incentive to work, so I have to find purpose elsewhere. Sometimes people in my CS classes call me a 'CS god', but I really hate it because it falsely feeds my ego, and I'm no where near as knowledgable as I need to be.
I've been thinking a lot about what kind of intelligent entity I would create, if I were to be a creator of some kind. I don't think I would given any such entities sexual lust, as I find it really corrupting. Though I suppose immortality is necessary in this case. Stimuli would still be necessary, just not of the sexually lustful kind (perhaps love would still be a possibility, just requiring a higher-bar and not necessarily be hedonistic in pursuit?).
But alas, perhaps my personal experiences blind me from certain truths. I've never held hands, hugged, or have had any sort of physical contact with a female that is not of familial background.
Sometimes I wonder how they feel. They seem very soft. I've shaken hands with them before at career fairs, though I don't think that really counts.
To be a truecel is a very fascinating fate.
