2nd year of high school. It hit me like a ton of bricks after being punched. I was 16, so some of this was probably adolescent anxieties, but when you're, haven't even kissed someone, and you're constantly hearing stories about hook ups and you're home alone every night and no social life, yeah, the world feels like it caves in on you. I had little to no guidance on how to pull myself out of it. I like could not see past this which is my own dumb fault. I thought hey i am a virgin, I must be a loser, and this like consumed me. I tend to ramble on about details, so I won't.
I don't think it was looks per se, I was never seen as ugly nor did my face or height cause anyone to look away in disgust, but yeah, I was aware but tried to deny that hey it didn't matter and someone will like you for you. YYYYYEEEEAAAHHH. Anyways, after dwelling and analyzing and not getting a hold on my shit and insecurities, I did get laid. I fucked it up thought due to said insecurities. Then like almost a year after that, this was around 19 to 20, I did have sex again. ONS at former friends, he was a chad totally, sort ofish why we aren't friends anymore, behavior, his, more than anything though. He was bad and a fucked up person and didn't realize it. Let's just say considering what happened between him and I, I went through PTSD. Yeah.
And now I haven't had sex in 12 years, I'm 32, no ltr, no one to share a/my life with, there was no screwing someone new every night in college for me, granted there never really was a REAL college phase for me, nothing even approaching a potential ltr, I always saw myself as an ltr/love/romantic type really, even despite my capacity of large amounts of porn consumption, and maybe I do have a tunnel vision look sometimes, hence all of this is why I am in counseling, all cause dumbass me let this consume me at a young age.
