When did you go from optimistic to believing that nothing good will ever happen to you and the best times of your life are far behind you?
When i first found r/incels and ended up getting black pilled for the first time.
I've had crippling depression ever since and it gets worse everytime i get rejected or called ugly.
I've had crippling depression ever since and it gets worse everytime i get rejected or called ugly.
In the last 2 years I've been feeling equally horrible every day, every minute even, I don't even remember when did I realize it was truly over for me. Just recently I realized that there are dozens of time bombs ticking in my life, meaning I wouldn't even be able to live until I'm 25 probably.
When ı put redpill in my mouth for first time
Damn, good thread idea.
Summer break between my Sophomore and Junior years of high school found me inside my house for months at a time. I was being overtaken by a great existential apathy: toward what end was I even living? What pleasure is there to be had in living? Added on to this were more immediate concerns: what do I do in a few more years here? Am I even going to be alive? I'm probably going to have to blow my head off by the time the year's done - I have no one and nothing. I have no prospects after high school ends and I don't even want them. This would play over and over again in my head as I spent months cycling through a fucked up, endlessly progressive sleep schedule: push back by 30 min every day/night, maybe wake up at 2 and listen to this while my parents were at work:
Maybe greet the dawn a few hours before bed and listen to this:
No one has any recollection of this but me. I lived in my head and no one lived there with me.
There was another period encompassing most of the Fall Semester of my Sophomore Year of college. I was at the confluence of a web of ill-taken paths that are too numerous and ramifying to explore in great detail here. Most critically, I was sharing a room with a rich daddy NT kid who made it impossible for me to exist as I was used to. The faggots next door were a couple of rah brah Chadlites who had no qualms about playing doob-doob bitch music and "wooo"ing into the middle of the night. I had a box of earplugs that were pitiably ineffective at damming my head from the damnable; my senses might have been placated, but my thoughts never were. I ended up pacing through various places like a rat caged in the shackles of the wide Earth. I'd wake up at 4 am and go to the lounge to dick around on the internet. I'd try to fall asleep at 9 pm and, since I couldn't, would lie in bed for hours waiting to take a hiatus.
The year before that, I remember, for whatever reason, forcing myself out of my room on occasion (looking for what?), walking through barren streets at night. I'd look at windows lit by an obscure glow from behind blinds and wonder how people managed to live on the other side of them. I was alternately affected by my particular loneliness and that of the world in its full scope. I could only imagine transiency; empty rooms exposed in their wooden nakedness, feeble beneath the awesome vacuum of the firmament. I am the only one left alive.
Most recently, it was actually a post here that got to me. Not the sort of thing that one would think, either. Someone posted a picture of this thicc SE Asian as an example of a landwhale and it, for whatever reason, knocked me right out of my bearings. I spent several days turning over in my head, "am I really going to spend the rest of my life alone? Why the fuck can't I have that? There are foids like that everywhere - imagine how good it would feel. What the fuck is wrong with me that I can't do this? I have to live in a world where lesser men revel in the despoilment of cunts while I wait here and senesce." The familiar and warm walls of my room transformed into the towering obstacles delimiting a prison, I would lose the will to move at times, would think of everything attenuating into nothingness, my entire life to be lived out on a dark and depopulate stage. Curiously, it was caught in these tribulations that I decided that I needed to try Tinder. I needed to establish that I was at least capable of attracting one foid. I didn't care how much of a disadvantage I'd be at without friends or anything resembling a social history. I was thankfully pulled back from the precipice. I can only imagine how direly I would have felt if things went worse. That only lasted a few days, but the feeling of emptiness was incredible.
Summer break between my Sophomore and Junior years of high school found me inside my house for months at a time. I was being overtaken by a great existential apathy: toward what end was I even living? What pleasure is there to be had in living? Added on to this were more immediate concerns: what do I do in a few more years here? Am I even going to be alive? I'm probably going to have to blow my head off by the time the year's done - I have no one and nothing. I have no prospects after high school ends and I don't even want them. This would play over and over again in my head as I spent months cycling through a fucked up, endlessly progressive sleep schedule: push back by 30 min every day/night, maybe wake up at 2 and listen to this while my parents were at work:
Maybe greet the dawn a few hours before bed and listen to this:
No one has any recollection of this but me. I lived in my head and no one lived there with me.
There was another period encompassing most of the Fall Semester of my Sophomore Year of college. I was at the confluence of a web of ill-taken paths that are too numerous and ramifying to explore in great detail here. Most critically, I was sharing a room with a rich daddy NT kid who made it impossible for me to exist as I was used to. The faggots next door were a couple of rah brah Chadlites who had no qualms about playing doob-doob bitch music and "wooo"ing into the middle of the night. I had a box of earplugs that were pitiably ineffective at damming my head from the damnable; my senses might have been placated, but my thoughts never were. I ended up pacing through various places like a rat caged in the shackles of the wide Earth. I'd wake up at 4 am and go to the lounge to dick around on the internet. I'd try to fall asleep at 9 pm and, since I couldn't, would lie in bed for hours waiting to take a hiatus.
The year before that, I remember, for whatever reason, forcing myself out of my room on occasion (looking for what?), walking through barren streets at night. I'd look at windows lit by an obscure glow from behind blinds and wonder how people managed to live on the other side of them. I was alternately affected by my particular loneliness and that of the world in its full scope. I could only imagine transiency; empty rooms exposed in their wooden nakedness, feeble beneath the awesome vacuum of the firmament. I am the only one left alive.
Most recently, it was actually a post here that got to me. Not the sort of thing that one would think, either. Someone posted a picture of this thicc SE Asian as an example of a landwhale and it, for whatever reason, knocked me right out of my bearings. I spent several days turning over in my head, "am I really going to spend the rest of my life alone? Why the fuck can't I have that? There are foids like that everywhere - imagine how good it would feel. What the fuck is wrong with me that I can't do this? I have to live in a world where lesser men revel in the despoilment of cunts while I wait here and senesce." The familiar and warm walls of my room transformed into the towering obstacles delimiting a prison, I would lose the will to move at times, would think of everything attenuating into nothingness, my entire life to be lived out on a dark and depopulate stage. Curiously, it was caught in these tribulations that I decided that I needed to try Tinder. I needed to establish that I was at least capable of attracting one foid. I didn't care how much of a disadvantage I'd be at without friends or anything resembling a social history. I was thankfully pulled back from the precipice. I can only imagine how direly I would have felt if things went worse. That only lasted a few days, but the feeling of emptiness was incredible.
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I was 21 and in my last year of college, I ended up dropping out. I was fully redpilled in this year and it was way back in 1998.
- I had worked hard, studied hard from ages 15-20 but still no GF.
- I was working a pt student job in retail but still no GF, and girls were horrible to me without provocation at my retail job. I was either ghosted or caused revulsion.
- I thought I had a future
- I was good at some sports and in good health
- I was lean, not fat, so def. not being fat was the reason for rejection
- I happened to live in halls / student where most guys 6/10 and over 6ft were getting regular sex, yet the 5'8 dweebs were getting nothing. It hit me real hard that I was seen as being in the the dweeb/geek/ugly outcast category.
- I was bullied / ostracised (nothing physical bullying) by the jocks and normie students that lived in my student flat. I was ready to kill as the bullying was unprovoked.
- My 6'2 1/2 (189cm), 80kg chadlite brother (6.5/10) - a year older than me - was getting regular sex with slim 6/0 > 7/10 girls from age 15. (I was was 5'9 (175cm) 62kg , 4/10, and couldn't even get an ugly skinny girl)
So all of this; years of being treated like shit or ignored by females, being goaded by chads, cool kids etc, being felt sorry for, all came to hit me hard at age 20/21. I just couldn't deal with it. No wonder I was a total recluse on welfare and incapacity benefit for mental health reasons come age 24.
- I had worked hard, studied hard from ages 15-20 but still no GF.
- I was working a pt student job in retail but still no GF, and girls were horrible to me without provocation at my retail job. I was either ghosted or caused revulsion.
- I thought I had a future
- I was good at some sports and in good health
- I was lean, not fat, so def. not being fat was the reason for rejection
- I happened to live in halls / student where most guys 6/10 and over 6ft were getting regular sex, yet the 5'8 dweebs were getting nothing. It hit me real hard that I was seen as being in the the dweeb/geek/ugly outcast category.
- I was bullied / ostracised (nothing physical bullying) by the jocks and normie students that lived in my student flat. I was ready to kill as the bullying was unprovoked.
- My 6'2 1/2 (189cm), 80kg chadlite brother (6.5/10) - a year older than me - was getting regular sex with slim 6/0 > 7/10 girls from age 15. (I was was 5'9 (175cm) 62kg , 4/10, and couldn't even get an ugly skinny girl)
So all of this; years of being treated like shit or ignored by females, being goaded by chads, cool kids etc, being felt sorry for, all came to hit me hard at age 20/21. I just couldn't deal with it. No wonder I was a total recluse on welfare and incapacity benefit for mental health reasons come age 24.
L
My life was always shit. I spent time in mental institutions. I got into trouble since kindergarden, I suffered severe head injuries, because other children kept throwing stones at me. My mother always wanted to keep me away from other kids, because she thought that trouble could emerge from social interactions. Sometimes I spent hours locked in the basement. In kindergarden physical abuse was the norm.
In elementary school I was bullied and I had to visit psychiatrists. When I was in 4th grade I tried to set myself on fire. Luckily nothing happened. I suffered many more head injuries and after that I began to suffer from headaches and blurry view.
In 5th grade I began to show a verbally abusive rhetoric and had problems with mood swings. The teachers forced my parents to consult a mental hospital. Neurological tests were conducted on me and I had to attend a course in order to improve my behaviour. Till my graduation from high school I was a victim of bullying and physical abuse by my peers. During puberty I suffered from severe akne and speech impediments. I was an extrovert before, but after this I started to become pathologically shy. I couldn't look people in the eyes. I had problems with a landwhale and was sent to an anti-aggression course. But nonetheless I managed to socialize with a handful of people.
But I had to leave my class and was placed into a new environment. I lost the few friends I had. There I had to start all over again. I was physically abused by my peers and they couldn't stop throwing stuff at me during class. I snapped one day and threw my pens at them. I was nearly thrown out of school. When I came home, my mother started to cry because teachers told her that I wasn't able to socialize. My father was disgusted by my lack of friends. My final years were better, because everyone had to learn for their final exams. They were too busy with learning, they had no time to bully me. My mother, who was a domineering figure (matriarchal woman) for most of my life, forced me to learn for hours (6+) per day. When I refused, I was abused physically and verbally.
The final nail in my coffin was prom night. I had never been to a party before and I didn't know what to do, because my mother didn't allow me to go to parties. So I sat down on a bench and waited for two hours. After that I called my mother and told her that I had the time of my life. She got me and we drove home, she asked me if I managed to get a girl. I denied. She looked at me with disgust and shame. In her eyes I was nothing more than a pathetic failure. Then she asked me if I managed to get a kiss. I was calm and composed, although my soul was shattering at the very moment. I was never kissed in my entire fucking life by any other woman except my mother. She looked at me and her gaze told me everything. I will always be a pathetic failure. People love my achievements, they aren't capable of loving a pathetic and wretched creature like me. Even my own family only loves the surrogate and not the person behind the achievements. After prom night I knew that my life will be a neverending cycle of humiliation, because we all know that highschool never ends.
In elementary school I was bullied and I had to visit psychiatrists. When I was in 4th grade I tried to set myself on fire. Luckily nothing happened. I suffered many more head injuries and after that I began to suffer from headaches and blurry view.
In 5th grade I began to show a verbally abusive rhetoric and had problems with mood swings. The teachers forced my parents to consult a mental hospital. Neurological tests were conducted on me and I had to attend a course in order to improve my behaviour. Till my graduation from high school I was a victim of bullying and physical abuse by my peers. During puberty I suffered from severe akne and speech impediments. I was an extrovert before, but after this I started to become pathologically shy. I couldn't look people in the eyes. I had problems with a landwhale and was sent to an anti-aggression course. But nonetheless I managed to socialize with a handful of people.
But I had to leave my class and was placed into a new environment. I lost the few friends I had. There I had to start all over again. I was physically abused by my peers and they couldn't stop throwing stuff at me during class. I snapped one day and threw my pens at them. I was nearly thrown out of school. When I came home, my mother started to cry because teachers told her that I wasn't able to socialize. My father was disgusted by my lack of friends. My final years were better, because everyone had to learn for their final exams. They were too busy with learning, they had no time to bully me. My mother, who was a domineering figure (matriarchal woman) for most of my life, forced me to learn for hours (6+) per day. When I refused, I was abused physically and verbally.
The final nail in my coffin was prom night. I had never been to a party before and I didn't know what to do, because my mother didn't allow me to go to parties. So I sat down on a bench and waited for two hours. After that I called my mother and told her that I had the time of my life. She got me and we drove home, she asked me if I managed to get a girl. I denied. She looked at me with disgust and shame. In her eyes I was nothing more than a pathetic failure. Then she asked me if I managed to get a kiss. I was calm and composed, although my soul was shattering at the very moment. I was never kissed in my entire fucking life by any other woman except my mother. She looked at me and her gaze told me everything. I will always be a pathetic failure. People love my achievements, they aren't capable of loving a pathetic and wretched creature like me. Even my own family only loves the surrogate and not the person behind the achievements. After prom night I knew that my life will be a neverending cycle of humiliation, because we all know that highschool never ends.
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when they told me i got crohn. would rope at that moment if my mom would give me a moment alone.
N
Since 16-17 yo till now. At that age i was diagnosed with major depression and it has never gone
I told this one on our old subreddit, it happened when I was already near the bottom of the loserdom pit, but not quite there yet.
I was friends with a normie, back when I had still 2 friends left, who invited me to his place and he had a roommate who was a girl. She had some friends over. One of them started talking to me for a while, something that had never happened to me before. She was pretty so for some stupid reason I didn’t comprehend that she was probably just trying to pass the time because there weren’t a lot of people there, and got my hopes up.
Fast forward and me, my friend, his roommate and her friend go to a club. The girls “didn’t bring their wallet” so I’m coerced into paying for their entrance (the cuckholding begins). Once we’re in, surrounded by good looking lads, the girls didn’t speak one word to me, they didn’t want to dance, were drinking in a corner...the girl I was talking to became a ghost. I went to the bathroom to play with my phone, come back and the girl I had spoken to all night was grinding, with longing, on my ‘friend’ - mind you they had known each other that night and didn’t speak 2 words, but my friend, of course, is much more attractive than me (the cuckholding climaxes).
My chimp brain couldn’t take it, being the retard that I am, and I stormed off the club after being there for 30 minutes. I went into a portable toilet outside the train station and, seething with rage as I was and after just 3 beers, I shitted myself. Literally. On my pants, not even on the toilet. I try to clean myself up but some girls started banging about how I was taking too long (the fucking cherry on top) so they rushed me off eventually, I throw my shitted underwear in a bin and pay a 40$ taxi fare to go back home (the cuckholding concludes).
Probably one of the most pathetic social experiences I’ve ever had in my life. I do hope I’m not banned for ‘bragging’ because I talked to a girl though, given that I told the exact story on r/incels back when.
I was friends with a normie, back when I had still 2 friends left, who invited me to his place and he had a roommate who was a girl. She had some friends over. One of them started talking to me for a while, something that had never happened to me before. She was pretty so for some stupid reason I didn’t comprehend that she was probably just trying to pass the time because there weren’t a lot of people there, and got my hopes up.
Fast forward and me, my friend, his roommate and her friend go to a club. The girls “didn’t bring their wallet” so I’m coerced into paying for their entrance (the cuckholding begins). Once we’re in, surrounded by good looking lads, the girls didn’t speak one word to me, they didn’t want to dance, were drinking in a corner...the girl I was talking to became a ghost. I went to the bathroom to play with my phone, come back and the girl I had spoken to all night was grinding, with longing, on my ‘friend’ - mind you they had known each other that night and didn’t speak 2 words, but my friend, of course, is much more attractive than me (the cuckholding climaxes).
My chimp brain couldn’t take it, being the retard that I am, and I stormed off the club after being there for 30 minutes. I went into a portable toilet outside the train station and, seething with rage as I was and after just 3 beers, I shitted myself. Literally. On my pants, not even on the toilet. I try to clean myself up but some girls started banging about how I was taking too long (the fucking cherry on top) so they rushed me off eventually, I throw my shitted underwear in a bin and pay a 40$ taxi fare to go back home (the cuckholding concludes).
Probably one of the most pathetic social experiences I’ve ever had in my life. I do hope I’m not banned for ‘bragging’ because I talked to a girl though, given that I told the exact story on r/incels back when.
Turning 50. Never had sex. (with a real girl)
When I found out about PUAs in my 20s and realized that foids are basically just robots controlled by their sex drive and not capable of coherent thought or adhering to moral norms.
Looking through my high school yearbook and seeing how robust everyone's bones except mine were. That, and having to live in a hotel after my parents kicked me out. I remember waking up with intense migraines.
13-16 when all I needed to be happy was shitty anime and videogames and the internet. literally best years of my life and its pathetic
I met my old friend from elementary school and he was like 6'4 and i'm 5'3 
When I was bullied really bad back when I was 14
I
When I broke up with my first and only girlfriend. I had suicide attempt after this and still did not fully recover emotionally. And probably I never will.
Also one of the worst moments in my life was when I finally got a girlfriend and started thinking that I'm progressing with my life just to discover redpill and see that my girlfriend is post wall slut with redflags present all over.
Also one of the worst moments in my life was when I finally got a girlfriend and started thinking that I'm progressing with my life just to discover redpill and see that my girlfriend is post wall slut with redflags present all over.
During adolescence: got rejected by oneitis, who then dated 6 foot friend in 8th grade
Adult: not getting a job I've been prepping for the past two years
Adult: not getting a job I've been prepping for the past two years
Every moment.
My life has been going downhill since I was 14 or so. No friends, no qt 3.1415 gf, no social interactions outside of the internet, got out of the house once or twice a week. I can feel the end coming soon
F
November: redpilled
December: incels.is
May: finally swallowed blackpill after lots of denial.
December: incels.is
May: finally swallowed blackpill after lots of denial.
It ended for me when I was born. Unfortunately I am not joking, it actually did end for me the day I was born.
D
Being born.
Around middle school but I truly gave up when I was 19.
REALLY hard to choose. I can't say I starved or got hurt badly in my life, but emotionally, it was hell almost 100% of the time. Both with women and otherwise.
I think my very first rejections at 13-14 hit me harder than anything though. They were rough and I was not prepared at all.
I think my very first rejections at 13-14 hit me harder than anything though. They were rough and I was not prepared at all.
When I left the country
every day
I went to a private school until the beginning of 8th grade, and at the beginning of my 6th grade year all of my friends moved to public school. A new group of thugmaxxed basketball players came in and became the most popular group in middle school. I was lightly bullied by them but it didn't affect me as much because I still had one "friend" left and that's all it took to convince me that I wasn't a looser.
7th grade rolls around and said friend gets an upperclassman girlfriend and becomes friends with the basketball players as well as female orbiters. The bullying is cranked up to 11 and I come home every day a mix of pissed off and depressed. I beg my parents to transfer me but they refuse and downplay my experiences. I adopt many personas in an attempt to become popular and try to get with my long time crushes (there were two of them).
By 8th grade, I get a new set of friends though they barely tolerated my existence and often threw many backhanded insults at me. I spend most of my days watching porn and playing video games. I live in my head and have little to no positive interactions with another human being for months on end. Eventually on of my fake friends attacked me (long story) and gave me permanent swelling in my upper lip (though it's only noticeable if you actively look for it). Bullying continues as well as LDAR and most of my family loses respect for me and treats me like a looser for having no friends or hobbies.
Finally I transfer to public school after graduating from middle school and continued my LDAR lifestyle in high school
7th grade rolls around and said friend gets an upperclassman girlfriend and becomes friends with the basketball players as well as female orbiters. The bullying is cranked up to 11 and I come home every day a mix of pissed off and depressed. I beg my parents to transfer me but they refuse and downplay my experiences. I adopt many personas in an attempt to become popular and try to get with my long time crushes (there were two of them).
By 8th grade, I get a new set of friends though they barely tolerated my existence and often threw many backhanded insults at me. I spend most of my days watching porn and playing video games. I live in my head and have little to no positive interactions with another human being for months on end. Eventually on of my fake friends attacked me (long story) and gave me permanent swelling in my upper lip (though it's only noticeable if you actively look for it). Bullying continues as well as LDAR and most of my family loses respect for me and treats me like a looser for having no friends or hobbies.
Finally I transfer to public school after graduating from middle school and continued my LDAR lifestyle in high school
probably when i was in my prime two years ago. I hairmaxxed & fashionmaxxed and wanted to go on a date with a real femoid. I called a prostitute for a GFE and she demanded 160€/h. I didnt go out with her and i realized it's absolutely fucking over.
M
Every day.
this. Every moment is the worst moment of my life
8th grade when i get got rejected by the girl I liked most in my life
When the rope broke.
When i was 21 i couldn't perform intercourse with a foid. After that i've been thinking that i might actually be asexual or something. Whenever i think of that i feel the most depressed and anxious. If it's not the porn that's making me have some sort of ED then it's over. I don't know the cause.
I'm very optimistic right now actually. I realize the worst part of my life is over and im going to politicianmax
when i thought i failed my GCSEs(my mom would have kicked me out on the streets).
S
My friend roped
Damn sorry bro.
Well we all have to die one day. If we all lived for an incredible amount of time then there would be no space and resources for newly borns. Drive down an elementary school when you grow old and watch how happy the children are. Think to your self about your first laugh, your first love, your first friend. How wonderful those times were! These children will soon experience what you already have. If it weren't for death then there might be no more space for new children to create new experiences.
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when i was born to this cursed world
Every moment in the presence of other people.
It's too humiliating to mention.
M
When I was cutting myself whilst leaving permanent scarring when I was 17
Don't want to remember, there are so many. I only wanna cope in peace, sleep whenever I want and rot peacefully. No need to bring things from the past that hurt me, they already come by themselves.
After getting called ugly a couple times in high school I started looking in mirrors are realized how subhuman I was. I’ve been depressed since
Long story too tired, I lost my first fight.
every single day I want to kill myself over it.
every single day I want to kill myself over it.
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