When you start to look back on your life, you begin to think about all the little possibilities for sex and relationships that could've been. That shit consumes you for hours some nights. Some nights I even find myself crying because the shit weighs on me like a ton of bricks. I had to stop using social media because when you check some old friends facebook page and see them running around with their fucking kids, and you're stuck in your house by yourself, it fucking sucks. When you come around old friends, they always ask you "where your girl at?". People always cracking the same fucking jokes on you, being the butt of everyone's fucking joke. It's why in my mid-20s I just stopped hanging around people. It gets old people cracking the same joke about you over and over again. Plus the social abuse just becomes fucking unbearable.
But you look back at life and wonder what the fuck you could've done differently? At a certain point you stop blaming your parents and realize that you've been an adult for over 10 fucking years. Surely you could've made some better choices for yourself. You start to look at your life and dream of what the fuck actually happened? How could this train wreck be my life? You calculate all the possibilities in your head. You remember all the little body movements and facial expressions that you were too fucking stupid to catch at the time. It's maddening sometimes.
I spent my late 20s just LDARing until I decided to change my career. My parents were nice enough to allow me to stay home until my late 20s. After I finished college and moved on with my life. I was able to shield myself from most things. I get my food delivered to my house through an app. I pretty much jog in a forest by myself to work out. I have my own in home gym. I mean, for an incel I live a pretty decent life. I'm able to buy what I want, including sex. I was able to use various copes to escape the pain on most days, but every now and then the pressure of loneliness weighs me down. It's those days that I sometimes call off of work for a day or two just to recoup and regather myself. It's sometimes I think back about what if I had done x or y? The older you get, don't let the old shit wear you down. Know that you did the best that you could and move the fuck on, or that shit will eat you alive and destroy you.
But you look back at life and wonder what the fuck you could've done differently? At a certain point you stop blaming your parents and realize that you've been an adult for over 10 fucking years. Surely you could've made some better choices for yourself. You start to look at your life and dream of what the fuck actually happened? How could this train wreck be my life? You calculate all the possibilities in your head. You remember all the little body movements and facial expressions that you were too fucking stupid to catch at the time. It's maddening sometimes.
I spent my late 20s just LDARing until I decided to change my career. My parents were nice enough to allow me to stay home until my late 20s. After I finished college and moved on with my life. I was able to shield myself from most things. I get my food delivered to my house through an app. I pretty much jog in a forest by myself to work out. I have my own in home gym. I mean, for an incel I live a pretty decent life. I'm able to buy what I want, including sex. I was able to use various copes to escape the pain on most days, but every now and then the pressure of loneliness weighs me down. It's those days that I sometimes call off of work for a day or two just to recoup and regather myself. It's sometimes I think back about what if I had done x or y? The older you get, don't let the old shit wear you down. Know that you did the best that you could and move the fuck on, or that shit will eat you alive and destroy you.
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