i am confident that my parents will never agree with blackpill philosophy, they have always told me that i must adapt, work hard, be disciplined, and improve each day, etc. what they fail to understand is the extent of how my autism prevents me from being able to function normally within society, along with my already unattractive looks not giving me any advantage with my social life at university. my mom keeps telling me that i need to change my behaviour, she thinks i have a high ego just because i don't like to talk and fails to understand what autism even is. i also hate my mom for her whore behaviour that i see in typical women, she just married my autistic dad coz he was ultra rich but then he lost it all. my mom always repeats the same sentence 3 times when talking and it makes me fucking want to kill myself. she says it's because she just likes to repeat herself. makes me lose my mind. it's even worse that my autism for sounds make it unbearable when she makes these 3 sounds from chewing, exhaling a certain way from her mouth, and cleaning her teeth with her tongue. i know the details are irrelevant but i am writing this out of rage, because i cant take it anymore.
yesterday i tried explaining autism to my autistic dad, you can read about it in my previous post if you're interested about how horrible it went. my dad even told me he knew that his own father (my grandfather) was autistic because my dad's mom told him about it, and my dad grew up knowing he was fundamentally different from everyone else. guess what he told me. quoting him: "i'm just like a wolf, i like to be alone, independent, and i don't like talking to people, i am a fighter, you have my genes, nothing is wrong with us." he fails to understand what autism is, he thinks that it means we are smarter than everyone else, and have some weird quirks like preferring to be alone and having a high ego. i can't even start to rationalize most of the shit that my dad says. i fucking cant cope anymore when i talk to my parents. i can never imagine myself having children because i know they will have to live with autism.
it seems like my parents both lack critical thinking skills and they never assume that they can be wrong, they never questions their beliefs or consider the possibility that they just might not right. instead, they tell me: "since you're so smart, why don't you go figure out what we mean and understand it for yourself, you have our genes. it's your fault that you don't understand what we say, no matter how much we explain you still wouldn't get it, just do what you're told and follow our commands. you must adapt for society, society won't change for you. we know what's good for you, we are older and you're not independent enough yet." they never have sound arguments or explanations that are understandable with a clear logical flow. i am tired of being gaslit by retarded parents. whenever i bring up any reasonable argument for anything, my dad defaults to: "do you know how many problems and stress i have to handle at work and for the family? why can't you do something so small? i have to suffer so much and i have no choice." i hate how my dad always says he has no choice in everything. i have grown up in a dysfunctional household with shit parents who were never able to raise children properly. i think about killing myself a lot. my account on here is practically my personal journal to cope. i've always questioned myself and considered the possibility that i was wrong, but now i'm pretty sure of how incompetent my parents are. everything they say is just absurd. there is no reasoning with them.
yesterday i tried explaining autism to my autistic dad, you can read about it in my previous post if you're interested about how horrible it went. my dad even told me he knew that his own father (my grandfather) was autistic because my dad's mom told him about it, and my dad grew up knowing he was fundamentally different from everyone else. guess what he told me. quoting him: "i'm just like a wolf, i like to be alone, independent, and i don't like talking to people, i am a fighter, you have my genes, nothing is wrong with us." he fails to understand what autism is, he thinks that it means we are smarter than everyone else, and have some weird quirks like preferring to be alone and having a high ego. i can't even start to rationalize most of the shit that my dad says. i fucking cant cope anymore when i talk to my parents. i can never imagine myself having children because i know they will have to live with autism.
it seems like my parents both lack critical thinking skills and they never assume that they can be wrong, they never questions their beliefs or consider the possibility that they just might not right. instead, they tell me: "since you're so smart, why don't you go figure out what we mean and understand it for yourself, you have our genes. it's your fault that you don't understand what we say, no matter how much we explain you still wouldn't get it, just do what you're told and follow our commands. you must adapt for society, society won't change for you. we know what's good for you, we are older and you're not independent enough yet." they never have sound arguments or explanations that are understandable with a clear logical flow. i am tired of being gaslit by retarded parents. whenever i bring up any reasonable argument for anything, my dad defaults to: "do you know how many problems and stress i have to handle at work and for the family? why can't you do something so small? i have to suffer so much and i have no choice." i hate how my dad always says he has no choice in everything. i have grown up in a dysfunctional household with shit parents who were never able to raise children properly. i think about killing myself a lot. my account on here is practically my personal journal to cope. i've always questioned myself and considered the possibility that i was wrong, but now i'm pretty sure of how incompetent my parents are. everything they say is just absurd. there is no reasoning with them.
