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Despite what people think, nobody gets "indoctrinated" to be an incel. Everyone here used to be ignorant at some point, and it is only through life experiences that someone feels a desire to find others who share the same feelings. I want to know more about you guys.
Did you have a moment where everything just clicked? What was that like? How were you before and after realizing the blackpill?
Obviously keep everything anonymous. I'll share mine.
I was always a tiny bit conscious on how my looks affected how people perceived me. I stopped growing at 16 and reached my final height of 5'4". Never got bullied for it, but people seemed to point it out a lot and I never understood why. But for the longest time I was absolutely oblivious to height and didn't even realize it was important for anything.
I first discovered the blackpill in the Summer of 2015. I was 18 at the time and just finished my first year of University with a 3.8 GPA. I also managed to get my driver's license (after failing three times) and got my first job at a grocery store. I was honestly pretty happy with my life, and I was mostly content with playing video games and watching porn, which I did heavily.
It all started actually when I tried to quit my porn addiction. I masturbated twice a day and on normal days I would wake up at like 4am, and watch porn until I had to get up to go to Uni at 7am. I wanted to get control of the habit because I thought it was wrong. I discovered nofap, and they kept promising that nofap will change your life, so I took it seriously and decided to try it.
I did well actually, and managed to not watch any porn or masturbate for a good three months. But the longer I went without satisfying my urges, the lonelier I felt. Eventually I started asking myself why I haven't found a girlfriend yet and thought that nofap would be much easier if I had one. So I tried to do that.
I did it in the most autistic way however, and began talking to literally every girl I came across, I even asked out a girl in my workplace. After getting rejected hard, I wondered what was going on. I did a bit of digging online and found the r/short subreddit. It was honestly at that point that everything clicked. I spent hours reading through the top posts on that subreddit, and found that the experiences of many short men also mirrored mine. I also discovered that height did matter a lot to women, and that through no fault of my own, nothing I do will make a difference.
Honestly once I discovered this, I stopped nofap right away. I realized that porn and masturbation were symptoms, not the cause of me being lonely, but it was already too late.
The year after that I became incredibly depressed. I started noticing how small I was compared to everyone else. I remember how often I cried that year, often by my-self in my room. I remember taking hour-long showers while crying in them to let the pain out. I remember often skipping classes so that I could just go home and shelter my-self from the world. My grades dropped substantially, and I had to drop two classes that year.
The Summer of Second Year, I decided to do therapy (lmao). They prescribed my some zombie pills and that definitely helped, but they could not actually solve the root cause of my problem.
Third Year the zombie pills pacified me enough to take up lifting, and I pretty much gymcelled, hoping that if I at least tried, I could maybe get laid before I finished University. I definitely tried everything, but nothing seemed to work. It was around that time in 2016 that I discovered r/incels and really began to believe that it was all pointless. I attempted suicide, but was caught by authorities and made to stay at a mental ward for a day until I convinced them that I would not be a threat to my-self or others. Seeing the fear and hurt from my parents, I realized that killing my-self would be selfish so I no longer attempted it.
By Fourth Year, I pretty much gave up. I experimented with hard drugs like psychedelics, and somehow came to the conclusion that maybe I could live life through copes. I ended up graduating while still keeping my virginity.
Life would carry on, and I eventually found employment in some odd jobs. I found a decent paying job now, and I just visited my first escort two weeks ago. So at least I got my virginity out of the way, but at 23 years old and no actual romantic experience, it's definitely too late for me.
Either way now I've pretty much given up.
What's your story?
Did you have a moment where everything just clicked? What was that like? How were you before and after realizing the blackpill?
Obviously keep everything anonymous. I'll share mine.
I was always a tiny bit conscious on how my looks affected how people perceived me. I stopped growing at 16 and reached my final height of 5'4". Never got bullied for it, but people seemed to point it out a lot and I never understood why. But for the longest time I was absolutely oblivious to height and didn't even realize it was important for anything.
I first discovered the blackpill in the Summer of 2015. I was 18 at the time and just finished my first year of University with a 3.8 GPA. I also managed to get my driver's license (after failing three times) and got my first job at a grocery store. I was honestly pretty happy with my life, and I was mostly content with playing video games and watching porn, which I did heavily.
It all started actually when I tried to quit my porn addiction. I masturbated twice a day and on normal days I would wake up at like 4am, and watch porn until I had to get up to go to Uni at 7am. I wanted to get control of the habit because I thought it was wrong. I discovered nofap, and they kept promising that nofap will change your life, so I took it seriously and decided to try it.
I did well actually, and managed to not watch any porn or masturbate for a good three months. But the longer I went without satisfying my urges, the lonelier I felt. Eventually I started asking myself why I haven't found a girlfriend yet and thought that nofap would be much easier if I had one. So I tried to do that.
I did it in the most autistic way however, and began talking to literally every girl I came across, I even asked out a girl in my workplace. After getting rejected hard, I wondered what was going on. I did a bit of digging online and found the r/short subreddit. It was honestly at that point that everything clicked. I spent hours reading through the top posts on that subreddit, and found that the experiences of many short men also mirrored mine. I also discovered that height did matter a lot to women, and that through no fault of my own, nothing I do will make a difference.
Honestly once I discovered this, I stopped nofap right away. I realized that porn and masturbation were symptoms, not the cause of me being lonely, but it was already too late.
The year after that I became incredibly depressed. I started noticing how small I was compared to everyone else. I remember how often I cried that year, often by my-self in my room. I remember taking hour-long showers while crying in them to let the pain out. I remember often skipping classes so that I could just go home and shelter my-self from the world. My grades dropped substantially, and I had to drop two classes that year.
The Summer of Second Year, I decided to do therapy (lmao). They prescribed my some zombie pills and that definitely helped, but they could not actually solve the root cause of my problem.
Third Year the zombie pills pacified me enough to take up lifting, and I pretty much gymcelled, hoping that if I at least tried, I could maybe get laid before I finished University. I definitely tried everything, but nothing seemed to work. It was around that time in 2016 that I discovered r/incels and really began to believe that it was all pointless. I attempted suicide, but was caught by authorities and made to stay at a mental ward for a day until I convinced them that I would not be a threat to my-self or others. Seeing the fear and hurt from my parents, I realized that killing my-self would be selfish so I no longer attempted it.
By Fourth Year, I pretty much gave up. I experimented with hard drugs like psychedelics, and somehow came to the conclusion that maybe I could live life through copes. I ended up graduating while still keeping my virginity.
Life would carry on, and I eventually found employment in some odd jobs. I found a decent paying job now, and I just visited my first escort two weeks ago. So at least I got my virginity out of the way, but at 23 years old and no actual romantic experience, it's definitely too late for me.
Either way now I've pretty much given up.
What's your story?
