According to a North Korean escapee interviewed for this article, dating is still very taboo, and it is embarrassing for couples if someone discovers the relationship.
[6] Another escapee noted that “dating culture in North Korea varies across the country,” although most teenagers will wait to date until their second or third year in high school.
[7]
Public displays of affection (PDA) are almost nonexistent in dating relationships. Pre-marital relationships are very private and often include no physical intimacy beyond holding hands. This aversion to PDA could be due in part to the taboo on dating. Hyeonseo Lee wrote of her dating experience in North Korea as follows—“like any other boyfriend and girlfriend in North Korea of this age, we did not even kiss. Holding hands was as far as it went. Even then we were discreet.”
[8]
The lack of sex education could help explain the lack of PDA. Escapee #1 reported that there was no sex education, and teenagers feared that even holding hands could result in an unwanted pregnancy. Hyeonseo Lee notes that “for all its interference in our lives, the Party was extraordinarily bashful when it came to telling us how life itself was made.”
[9]
A final factor influencing limited affection in relationships between young North Koreans is the fear of ruining future marriage opportunities. Hyeonseo Lee writes that
dating was “quite a serious matter, because when word gets out that a girl has been dating it’s not easy for her to find another match.”[10] When arranging marriages, the social standing of both parties is scrutinized, and past dating history can be a disadvantage.
Divorce in North Korea requires a court decision, and mutual agreement is not a viable method for divorce. Due to the strict criteria for divorce and the complex proceedings, the divorce rate is relatively low.
Moreover, the societal stigma attached to divorce, especially for women, makes it a difficult choice. Divorced individuals are issued a new ID card marked with the ‘divorce’ label, perpetuating the stigma.
Married women with children may be subject to discrimination if they undergo a divorce. Writing of her own mother’s divorce, Hyeonseo Lee says that “a divorced daughter was shameful enough, but a divorced daughter with a baby on her back would make her chances of making a successful match with someone else almost impossible.”
