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I’d say this summer has been the lowest point of my life. In other parts of my life I’ve had social struggles or academic stress or frustration about other responsibilities, and obviously that’s bad, unpleasant, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the boredom and isolation I have experienced this summer. I would rather have a stressful but meaningful life than a chill but directionless one. Previous lows for me were last Halloween, and the start of winter break. But this summer is worse. I feel like an alien in space looking down at humanity. Looking down at other people living meaningful, interesting, desirable lives.
But things can always get worse. There is no rock bottom. Last Halloween, I was at rock bottom, but now things are worse. And I wonder if when I go to college, things will get worse. If I will hit a new low point.
I try to stay positive and optimistic, but I wonder if being around chads and Stacies and lifesavers in general will be worse than where I am now.
And I don’t deserve this punishment that women, society, popular guys, and maybe even a higher power have thrust upon me. It is truly a cosmic injustice. A cruel joke. I’m a nice guy and a good man. I don’t feel ugly, even if I’m seen as so. And most of all, I don’t feel seen, I don’t feel understood.
But if things continue to get worse, I know what I need to do. I need to be heard. I need to be seen, to be understood. Even to be appreciated and loved, although I think that is more difficult?
So what I would do if my life continues to go downhill is to write, and record. I would write an autobiography on my life, and how I ended up posting here. I would make YouTube videos, talking about about society, dating, and other interesting issues.
I would also start a blog and maybe even a forum, not just for incels, but for other men who have grievances about dating and society too.
If I write a full length autobiography, multiple complex, well articulated essays about personal experiences and societal commentary/other issues, and create a high quality YouTube channel, discussing topics and vlogging/personal videos, I will be a lot more visible. People would be able to truly see and understand me, and hopefully sympathize. I want people to see me for who I am. Not a bad player, but just placed in a game with the highest difficulty.
Hopefully I can bring about change in society, or at least genuine understanding and discussion of society as it truly exists.
But all of this is if I fail to thrive in college. I hope with my whole heart that college can turn things around, fix things, right the wrongs. But I’m intensely aware that that is not guaranteed. Anything is possible.
But if I “ascend” in college, I’ll probably leave the incel community as a faceless username with a thousand posts. If I ascend, I really have no reason to seek attention and validation, because I would already have it, so I would write or record or anything. I value my anonymity, but if I must, I will sacrifice it to be seen and understood. Although hopefully it doesn’t come to that.
One thing I know is that I will never give up and I will never choose to waste my life. I will always strive to live a better life.
But things can always get worse. There is no rock bottom. Last Halloween, I was at rock bottom, but now things are worse. And I wonder if when I go to college, things will get worse. If I will hit a new low point.
I try to stay positive and optimistic, but I wonder if being around chads and Stacies and lifesavers in general will be worse than where I am now.
And I don’t deserve this punishment that women, society, popular guys, and maybe even a higher power have thrust upon me. It is truly a cosmic injustice. A cruel joke. I’m a nice guy and a good man. I don’t feel ugly, even if I’m seen as so. And most of all, I don’t feel seen, I don’t feel understood.
But if things continue to get worse, I know what I need to do. I need to be heard. I need to be seen, to be understood. Even to be appreciated and loved, although I think that is more difficult?
So what I would do if my life continues to go downhill is to write, and record. I would write an autobiography on my life, and how I ended up posting here. I would make YouTube videos, talking about about society, dating, and other interesting issues.
I would also start a blog and maybe even a forum, not just for incels, but for other men who have grievances about dating and society too.
If I write a full length autobiography, multiple complex, well articulated essays about personal experiences and societal commentary/other issues, and create a high quality YouTube channel, discussing topics and vlogging/personal videos, I will be a lot more visible. People would be able to truly see and understand me, and hopefully sympathize. I want people to see me for who I am. Not a bad player, but just placed in a game with the highest difficulty.
Hopefully I can bring about change in society, or at least genuine understanding and discussion of society as it truly exists.
But all of this is if I fail to thrive in college. I hope with my whole heart that college can turn things around, fix things, right the wrongs. But I’m intensely aware that that is not guaranteed. Anything is possible.
But if I “ascend” in college, I’ll probably leave the incel community as a faceless username with a thousand posts. If I ascend, I really have no reason to seek attention and validation, because I would already have it, so I would write or record or anything. I value my anonymity, but if I must, I will sacrifice it to be seen and understood. Although hopefully it doesn’t come to that.
One thing I know is that I will never give up and I will never choose to waste my life. I will always strive to live a better life.
