Wanting to give up and suicide

[shithand]

I’ve attempted a suicide once by pills and nothing happened but a terrible stomach ache and vomiting. And that was 3 years ago. Fast forward to now and I’ve gained so much weight from my depression and all my family does is force me to listen to their motivational pep talks l don’t want to hear.
It’s obvious what I need to do and that’s weight loss, but they can’t comprehend the feeling I feel which is complete and absolute hopelessness.
Yeah I’d probably feel better being skinny again, but what else. I’ll still be a loser, I’ll still be ugly.
I’m only starting to starve myself and lose weight so they can get off my ass.

The thought of suicide never leaves my mind, I want to down a bunch of pills in a forest and call it a day. But maybe things will get better if I soft max. If not then I know what to do.

 

[Anincelmuse]

Even if my situation is different, I understand you.

 

[Leon98]

My family doesn’t even care enough to gaslight me.

 

[shithand]

My family doesn’t even care enough to gaslight me.

I wish that was the case for me

 

[BP Overdose]

I've considered killing myself multiple times in my life. But due to being a coward I've stopped myself, and worry of failing, and being crippled for life. Looking back I should've done it around 2022/2023. I haven't attempted it but the closest I've gotten was slitting my wrist.