i remember being pleasantly depressed when i turned 30, for me the worst was trying to match my energy with others only to be misjudged and treated like a weirdo even after all that effort i put in and then making it back home too numb in shock to move. just had an argument where i admitted i’m not interested in any trades i want a meeker lifestyle, nor flying out of the country and relying on relatives at this age. they’d probably still accept me if i said there’s no way for me to remain but i’d pass out in the airport and it’s not like i’ve never been out there and experienced what it’s like living with others as if i was indebted to them. so i’m going to pack my belongings and be homeless since i’m really starting to be reminded of how disconnected i am with everything and can’t mask like i used to. imagine being homeless and not having to speak or acknowledge the rules of blood curdling interactions and sickening collective expectations, that’s all i want
