Lately. My mind has been on violence. Now what I’m gonna talk about is gonna sound edgy, and it is, this is genuinely corny and edgy.
I’m experiencing something akin to a sort of personality death, it is as if, the person who I once was, kind, considerate, blind to the horrors of the world (specifically in the stance of the sub5 adult man), is almost entirely gone. Before I used to state that I actively didn’t want to be kind, I wanted to actively make people’s lives worse, I wanted to take back the abuse that was given upon me for my kindness and dish it back upon those who wronged me, and just normies and foids in general. But now, it is as if I have lost that “human” compassion, that kindness, because I have realized how bad of a situation my life is in. Now, and especially recently, my mind has been empty, and I don’t mean genuinely empty, I’m always thinking about something, but now I’m daydreaming a lot more, and just thinking about how satisfying it was for ER to finally get his revenge on the foids that rejected him hundreds of times, and would’ve continued to reject him to this day.
I think back to when I first found out I wasn’t going to get my diploma, that’s where it spiraled, and continued to spiral. It was bad, real bad. I’m somewhat remiss of the time I spent in school, I never truly knew what isolation felt like, and now I know, I don’t want to feel it anymore. I want people who care about me, I want friends, I want love. Its one of the few things I want in this world.
I feel like a nomad, walking amongst a sea of people that want nothing to do with me because of my looks. It’s cruel how nature is.
I’ve been thinking for a while, I believe that going to a psych ward could help. Not with my inceldom, no, only serious facial surgery will help with that, but I feel as if, if I get put up somewhere and get hyped on drugs, I won’t feel as isolated and lonely as I will now, they say antidepressants make you feel nothing, I want to feel nothing. Hell, maybe I’ll be able to make some friends in the psych ward, if I don’t get stabbed to death.
I’m experiencing something akin to a sort of personality death, it is as if, the person who I once was, kind, considerate, blind to the horrors of the world (specifically in the stance of the sub5 adult man), is almost entirely gone. Before I used to state that I actively didn’t want to be kind, I wanted to actively make people’s lives worse, I wanted to take back the abuse that was given upon me for my kindness and dish it back upon those who wronged me, and just normies and foids in general. But now, it is as if I have lost that “human” compassion, that kindness, because I have realized how bad of a situation my life is in. Now, and especially recently, my mind has been empty, and I don’t mean genuinely empty, I’m always thinking about something, but now I’m daydreaming a lot more, and just thinking about how satisfying it was for ER to finally get his revenge on the foids that rejected him hundreds of times, and would’ve continued to reject him to this day.
I think back to when I first found out I wasn’t going to get my diploma, that’s where it spiraled, and continued to spiral. It was bad, real bad. I’m somewhat remiss of the time I spent in school, I never truly knew what isolation felt like, and now I know, I don’t want to feel it anymore. I want people who care about me, I want friends, I want love. Its one of the few things I want in this world.
I feel like a nomad, walking amongst a sea of people that want nothing to do with me because of my looks. It’s cruel how nature is.
I’ve been thinking for a while, I believe that going to a psych ward could help. Not with my inceldom, no, only serious facial surgery will help with that, but I feel as if, if I get put up somewhere and get hyped on drugs, I won’t feel as isolated and lonely as I will now, they say antidepressants make you feel nothing, I want to feel nothing. Hell, maybe I’ll be able to make some friends in the psych ward, if I don’t get stabbed to death.
