SuicideFuel [venting] I just had the biggest existential crisis (please read)

[Fuckmyexistence]

i just downed a whole bottle of vodka and like 10 beers and used them to wash down a whole pack of paracetamols, i also literally just finished off a whole box of nitrous oxide (laughing gas) and rethought my entire existence, im still kinda fucked up as im writing this...

3 of the most important things in life (other than sex ) family, friends, money, i have none of those things, i am suffering so much, ever since i lost my dad almost 4 years ago now, i have been in a state of the most intense depression i think i will ever face in this (hopefully) short life of mine, im in a crisis right now, and i just want to fucking die.

people just dont understand my pain, im honestly not trying to be a snowflake or anything, but we humans are social creatures, social interaction is imperative to our very function as human beings, and ive tried to make friends, but i dont know what it is thats holding me back, is it me? am i just not funny/sociable? what have i fucking done to deserve this? christ i was so happy up until my 13th birthday (when my dad died) ive tried going to the doctor to talk about my depression and socio-economic issues, wanna guess what he said? well, to summarise that session up, he just said "just get some friends lol fucking loser" i swear thats what vibes i was getting from him, even the fucking doctor doesnt like me, i was hoping for some anti-depressants but oh well, here i am...

the only reason im still alive is because of my mum, shit, i could defo go ER right now but fuck it, i dont even have the energy to do that.

im finished now guys, im supposed to be at my peak at this age, i have a 3 month summer holiday, im supposed to go out and have fun with "friends" and "family" instead im inside trying to make use of psychoactive substances to numb the pain, i dont have much longer left in me.

 

[Getlooksordie]

how old are you, height and race?

 

[Fuckmyexistence]

how old are you, height and race?

that honestly doesnt matter anymore and i couuldnt care less abot what i am now, even less of what people think i am

 

[turbocuckcel_7000]

focus on whatever social links you have, whatever they are, call someone even if you haven't talked in a while, otherwise it only gets harder from here on

 

[Gyros_Pretcel]

Yeah, they don't talk mental illness and lonliness serious. It's not only the doctors though, it's also reflected in the whole structure of the healthcare system and it carries over up to the political overhead itself. They should know better.
It' s hard to find competent people. The solutions are there. But everyone will constantly questioning or even bullying you while you have to organize them on your own even if you are technically to weak.

Don't go full retard on thos painkillers though if it's really that bad get some weed as a against your physical pain.

It's not over at 17 boyo.

 

[EthnicelNL]

that honestly doesnt matter anymore and i couuldnt care less abot what i am now, even less of what people think i am

Who is telling u u are worthless?

 

[Fuckmyexistence]

Who is telling u u are worthless?

I don’t need anyone to tell me I’m worthless, I know that myself, I infer it from attitudes towards me and the fact I’m shut out of virtually all social circles and laughed at for it.

 

[EthnicelNL]

I don’t need anyone to tell me I’m worthless, I know that myself, I infer it from attitudes towards me and the fact I’m shut out of virtually all social circles and laughed at for it.

Life is a scam nigga. Cope or rope imo.

 

[StillBitter]

I am sorry you are going throw this shit. Please keep trying I know it won't be easy and thy system is fucked but keep fighting