he forced himself on me
- Nov 8, 2017
I was in criminal defense before I moved to finance law
I worked at an advocacy center for women to do my pro bono hours for my firm, if you did 300 a year you got a big bonus from the firm and an award from the bar association- I earned that bonus and award every year for the 10 years I worked at the firm- mostly uncontested divorce filings(the man is gone or in jail so we just process the divorce, the thing about needing a spouse to sign papers is just in movies), domestic violence claims(helping file restraining orders ect) and rape(we would act as the victims attorney and help them through the process of making claims and making sure that if they where on drugs or illegal immigrants they would not get in trouble)
Anyway, I must have done literally thousands of rape cases in my time at the clinic, very very few ever went past the initial complaint phase with the police. I noticed lots of recurring themes though.
The vast majority of rape cases break down into three categories-
1- two consenting adults are engaging in a sex act, one of them then performs a completely random act of violence- think takes out a hammer while making out with a girl and just starts beating her with it.
2- an initially consenting sex act changes into a non-consensual aspect. Most common is non consenting anal or oral sex after the initial sex act had begun
3- an initially consenting sex act that adds a third party that both people did not agree to- think a guy suddenly introduces his friend or friends into sex without asking and suddenly a girl is in group sex
I never had a case of rape where the two people did not know each other, virtually all cases they either had a non-sexual relationship(friends or dating that just had not led to sex) or they where having sex and one of the three things I mentioned earlier occurs
Now here is where I am gonna get the big downvote- most of the time after an the initial rape claim women would retract or the police investigation would cease from lack of co operation- the ONLY times I saw women very determined to go through the process to its end was if the man involved was very ugly. I never saw a handsome rapist in a court ever in 10 years, never even saw one arrested.
I still have lots of friends- women and men- who still work in family law and women’s advocacy- and we all say the same shit- women think about a rape by a classical handsome man as less of a violation of themselves then an ugly man
Now, I and my friends think this is from the media, where they are being culturally told that the crime is different- but the result is the same- handsome men very very rarely get charged with rape
The only occasions I hear of handsome men rapists, again nothing I worked with, is if they are assaulting a women and a third party- typically a man- witnesses the assault and HE makes the reports. Again, it will very likely not proceed because of lack of co operation from the victim
TLDR- handsome men don’t get accused of rape very often.