I am putting in a lot of effort but I feel like I will inevitably crash and burn to failure because of my health problems (which have stayed quiet for the last week or so, enabling me to work hard). I feel like I won't be able to sustain this effort and will eventually have to give up. People like me are not meant to succeed. Not meant to feel any lasting sense of fulfillment or satisfaction. Emptiness and despair is the one reliable constant which I can always count on because of my weak subhuman physiology.
