When I was born I was healthy, I had good self-esteem and a great desire to love, but the world took me in a completely different direction. I experienced the first rejection from women in kindergarten, but it was not traumatic in any way. First of all, I think it is necessary to talk about my middle school years, in which I was much uglier (I also had many pimples), but above all I was very thin and I wasn't interested in football and similar things. My schoolmates always mocked me, to make me feel bad they told me I was gay and they had sexual fantasies about penetrating me. This harassment led my obsessive mind to a first very serious moment of crisis, in which I suffered for years from the pathological doubt of being gay or not, the so-called homosexual OCD. After an endless series of searches done on the internet, I managed to overcome this. But the addiction to pornography unfortunately has always remained. Moving on to my high school years, there were many rejections and episodes in which women treated me badly, but I will only mention the two most significant ones to avoid writing a too long text. At 17, I said without thinking too much that I had never had a girlfriend, never even kissed, so a girl present there teased me and insulted me in a very heavy way for this. In the meantime, she was talking about the many dicks she had sucked, the various sizes, the circumferences. This was a very serious blow to my mental stability. But at 19 something maybe worse happened, I had written a poem to a girl that I liked very much (I know I have been really a cuck), the day I gave it to her she said "I like another person", and I learned, not long after, that she had a relationship with a guy who beat her (she herself published photos of the bruises). After all these episodes, my dignity was completely distroyed and I lost all self-esteem. All this has messed up my sexuality and in fact, feeling inferior to women I always watch femdom porn and even cuckold stuff. It's a terrible addiction that I haven't been able to break free from. I'm broken inside and I don't think I'll ever recover. From this episode to 19 years old, I never really got up. At 20, with the lockdown etc, I then discovered the redpill and found out I was not alone, I found out I'm an incel. Not long after, my oneitis appeared, looking like a light, a new hope, a girl who unlike others, could perhaps love and respect me. But even this was all false, my only hope was destroyed by the refusal and the impossibility of realizing it all. My life is a total failure. That's all.
