21 is a social milestone in America. Drinking, partying, sex, a coming of age date that solidifies you are becoming a "real" adult. College should be almost over, you should have things to look forward to for the future, and you should have already had your fun being young, having sex and partying and you have to get serious about the real world right? Im a friendless KHHV. Never been to a party. Complete loser. Ive locked myself in my room for the past few weeks unable to get up due to severe depression and have been on my laptop for 16+ hrs a day. When I was 18 I thought... ok "I have until 21 to get my shit together right? I mean alot of people don't lose their virginity until freshman year of college so I still have a shot". When I turned 19 I thought "ok I have 2 more years to get laid it will happen right???" When I turned 20 last year I said that if I don't get out of my loserdom that I would kill myself on my 21rst birthday. Well, its here. I have no words. I honestly didn't think I'd make it to this age. I should have killed myself in highschool like I planned on doing, I only stayed alive this long because I thought it would get better. I'm completely dead inside, just an automaton going through the motions. My parents have nothing to say either, just that they would take me out to dinner but I really don't want to go with them since they emotionally neglected me over the years. I have nothing. If I had some money I would buy myself computer parts to build a gaming pc to cope with but I don't even have that. I doubt I will get anything either. It really is over boys, this is it. I can't believe that this is the life that I was brought into. Im in such an internal state of rage with the world and everyone around me. Pic below will be me just with a 21 candle.
