A
I don't really know what I expected. I skipped afternoon classes to walk around my campus. I passed by hundreds of other people and realized I didn't know a single one of them and none of them knew me. Worse, none of them wanted to know me either. And if they did, they would inevitably decide I was too autistic to benefit them as a friend anyway.
I was invisible. I felt like an avatar of myself and very removed from my physical body. Today was the worst things have been in a long time.
There are so many experiences (highschool parties/dances/football games) that I have already missed and so many more that slip by each year. My birthday is a sobering reminder of that. I started thinking about how even if I were to ascend, I would spend the rest of my life mourning being young and happy like all the people I saw. Do former incels get ptsd? I would think so.
The saddest part of ER's manifesto was that he kept buying lottery tickets. It was like he was waiting for the universe to give him a sign that things would be okay. It never did. I would never go ER, but the hopelessness is absolutely crushing.
How can any of us endure this for any reasonable amount of time? It's not even about sex or love at this point. it's being so pathetic and disgusting that no one else thinks you're worth even the smallest degree of human investment. I'm tired of the cruel optimism. What is there to do except rope?
I was invisible. I felt like an avatar of myself and very removed from my physical body. Today was the worst things have been in a long time.
There are so many experiences (highschool parties/dances/football games) that I have already missed and so many more that slip by each year. My birthday is a sobering reminder of that. I started thinking about how even if I were to ascend, I would spend the rest of my life mourning being young and happy like all the people I saw. Do former incels get ptsd? I would think so.
The saddest part of ER's manifesto was that he kept buying lottery tickets. It was like he was waiting for the universe to give him a sign that things would be okay. It never did. I would never go ER, but the hopelessness is absolutely crushing.
How can any of us endure this for any reasonable amount of time? It's not even about sex or love at this point. it's being so pathetic and disgusting that no one else thinks you're worth even the smallest degree of human investment. I'm tired of the cruel optimism. What is there to do except rope?
