Currently stuck at work. I have no motivation to finish my task today - I've been working on the very same thing for weeks now, and I have accomplished enough for today already, in my humble opinion.
I've called the 2 friends I have to see if they are down to do something with me - both of them are busy. Additionally, I've called family members and people I don't consider close friends too - nothing.
I don't want to work, but I also don't want to just go home because I know damn well that I will just LDAR, wasting my time with social media. I have a nice gaming setup and also my own music studio, kind of, but I have lost complete interest in my (former) hobbies. When I force myself to do something on my PC, be it gaming or music production, I quit after minutes because it does not give me the rush it used to as a child.
The motivation I'd have and the things I would do if I had a loving girlfriend...
I think about game-ending myself pretty frequently, and if I lived in America, or another place where you can buy CS:GO skins easily, I would have done it by now. I have made some pathetic attempts using other methods before (a networking cable [this is not a joke], and flash-bang-pills [I bought the wrong ones, the ones that only give you headaches if you take too many of them]), but as you can tell, I have failed. Will I make another attempt? Probably not. I have had a plan to make another attempt using a butterfly skin, but one of the 2 friends I mentioned used the voice chat to talk me out of it. But I still wish I would just game-end.
Pretty pointless thread.
Update: I will be visiting a family member now. I have no idea what I'm going to do there, but again, better than wasting my life on social media.
I've called the 2 friends I have to see if they are down to do something with me - both of them are busy. Additionally, I've called family members and people I don't consider close friends too - nothing.
I don't want to work, but I also don't want to just go home because I know damn well that I will just LDAR, wasting my time with social media. I have a nice gaming setup and also my own music studio, kind of, but I have lost complete interest in my (former) hobbies. When I force myself to do something on my PC, be it gaming or music production, I quit after minutes because it does not give me the rush it used to as a child.
The motivation I'd have and the things I would do if I had a loving girlfriend...
I think about game-ending myself pretty frequently, and if I lived in America, or another place where you can buy CS:GO skins easily, I would have done it by now. I have made some pathetic attempts using other methods before (a networking cable [this is not a joke], and flash-bang-pills [I bought the wrong ones, the ones that only give you headaches if you take too many of them]), but as you can tell, I have failed. Will I make another attempt? Probably not. I have had a plan to make another attempt using a butterfly skin, but one of the 2 friends I mentioned used the voice chat to talk me out of it. But I still wish I would just game-end.
Pretty pointless thread.
Update: I will be visiting a family member now. I have no idea what I'm going to do there, but again, better than wasting my life on social media.
