Genuinely thought I was going to die last week, was seriously thinking about writing a note on my desk and leaving it there for my parents to read in case they wanted to know what happened. I felt quite indifferent about the situation, initially I panicked but quickly realised there's absolutely nothing to worry about, living life as a shitskin midget would come to an end, it felt quite relaxing as the clock was ticking, it would be something that's inevitable and will happen to the rest of humanity, only it's going to happen to me soon but the inevitable is bound for everyone else, nobody's pain/pleasure is eternal.
It didn't happen though, I healed from the sickness. But this experience did awaken me for the good, we truly don't have much time on this Earth, which is a comforting thing, because all the hedonistic pleasures that normies and Chad indulge in is short lived relative to their perspective, call it 'cope' or whatever, but when you're always going through a good time the feeling when it all ends will feel like everything that happened is short lived.
But how does this help our pain you may ask, one might think it's a slow death for us because our existence is a shell of what's supposed to be a true human, and it is no doubt. Void of any true meaning, always at the bottom of society and routinely shunned but none of this mattered to me when I felt like I was going to die. I didn't proclaim to myself "damn thankfully I'm leaving this Earth because I am subhuman" which is what I thought I would have thought, instead all I was thinking about is how short lived everything was up until that point, all the traumatic experiences that I endured was going to be zilch in an instant, that everything up until that point is absolutely irrelevant because nothing will be felt anymore. This is the true peace I felt, not because I'd be out of this Earth because I am subhuman, but because our pain and suffering will eventually come to an end at a crashing instant, in that end, we will find peace, and the peace isn't that far away, although it might seem like it in the moment.
As a result this left me caring about my sub-humanity less, I don't mind the inevitable experiences as much, of course it's annoying when it's displayed everywhere in public but it's a mild inconvenience now, all the past negative experiences felt so short lived when I almost felt like I was going to die last week, it wasn't a short experience by any means but it felt that way because all the horrible feelings were going to be neutralised in an instant. We always like to talk about the pain of existence but sometimes forget how forgiving the nature of de-existence is, the swiftness in particular.
It didn't happen though, I healed from the sickness. But this experience did awaken me for the good, we truly don't have much time on this Earth, which is a comforting thing, because all the hedonistic pleasures that normies and Chad indulge in is short lived relative to their perspective, call it 'cope' or whatever, but when you're always going through a good time the feeling when it all ends will feel like everything that happened is short lived.
But how does this help our pain you may ask, one might think it's a slow death for us because our existence is a shell of what's supposed to be a true human, and it is no doubt. Void of any true meaning, always at the bottom of society and routinely shunned but none of this mattered to me when I felt like I was going to die. I didn't proclaim to myself "damn thankfully I'm leaving this Earth because I am subhuman" which is what I thought I would have thought, instead all I was thinking about is how short lived everything was up until that point, all the traumatic experiences that I endured was going to be zilch in an instant, that everything up until that point is absolutely irrelevant because nothing will be felt anymore. This is the true peace I felt, not because I'd be out of this Earth because I am subhuman, but because our pain and suffering will eventually come to an end at a crashing instant, in that end, we will find peace, and the peace isn't that far away, although it might seem like it in the moment.
As a result this left me caring about my sub-humanity less, I don't mind the inevitable experiences as much, of course it's annoying when it's displayed everywhere in public but it's a mild inconvenience now, all the past negative experiences felt so short lived when I almost felt like I was going to die last week, it wasn't a short experience by any means but it felt that way because all the horrible feelings were going to be neutralised in an instant. We always like to talk about the pain of existence but sometimes forget how forgiving the nature of de-existence is, the swiftness in particular.
