Same, man.
All I think about when I am
anywhere but my room, is how disgusting a being I am. I'm not a big believer in the mental health industry, but if I wanted to, I'm 100% sure I could be diagnosed with agoraphobia, severe social anxiety, possibly aspergers, avoidant personality disorder, severe depression and God only knows what else. I don't even know why I became so socially inept, I don't know if it's because of my past, or if its genetic or what.
At this point I have genuinely given up on communication. I'm effectively a mute unless I am absolutely required to speak. I use to cope by imagining that I was, for all my flaws, at least somewhat intelligent compared to the average normscum, and that I simply had never been under the right circumstances for it to shine through, but JFL, I'm sure anyone with even the SLIGHTEST brainpower could fucking say a simple HELLO to someone without coming off like a FUCKING ALIEN!