
InfernumOsculum
The Infernal, Divine Asshole
★★★
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2023
- Posts
- 744
I think it’s realizing that everything I’ve ever valued means nothing. And I don’t mean the bs “nihilistic” boo hoo drivel, I mean even the fake value people construct as a coping mechanism is not applicable to me. Not even fake value given by other people, nothing.
I don’t know, I grew up with the things normal people my age grew up with - I liked meme culture, I liked certain music, I liked movies that everyone around me liked, etc. and that combined with an imbued sense of Judeo-Christian values (not to mention religion), how there’s this grand cosmic morality we are all a part of, etc., I really felt like my life had meaning insofar as I was a part of something beyond myself, even if I was never accepted at a local level.
Now? I realize all those things, all those things that brought me joy and happiness and gave me motivation to keep on trying, they were never meant for me. They were never meant for me to relate to, they were never meant for me to be a part of. My own subjective experiences relating to these things were not at all one to one with the subjective experiences of the people who made these things. Not even a bit.
Most people who made these things and were a part of these things, they were ordinary people who had a healthy friend group, dating life, etc. so they were never meant to relate to me personally in bringing me joy.
Everything I’ve ever valued means nothing because there’s a total divorce of intent from my very personhood and the artists who made it.
I don’t know, I grew up with the things normal people my age grew up with - I liked meme culture, I liked certain music, I liked movies that everyone around me liked, etc. and that combined with an imbued sense of Judeo-Christian values (not to mention religion), how there’s this grand cosmic morality we are all a part of, etc., I really felt like my life had meaning insofar as I was a part of something beyond myself, even if I was never accepted at a local level.
Now? I realize all those things, all those things that brought me joy and happiness and gave me motivation to keep on trying, they were never meant for me. They were never meant for me to relate to, they were never meant for me to be a part of. My own subjective experiences relating to these things were not at all one to one with the subjective experiences of the people who made these things. Not even a bit.
Most people who made these things and were a part of these things, they were ordinary people who had a healthy friend group, dating life, etc. so they were never meant to relate to me personally in bringing me joy.
Everything I’ve ever valued means nothing because there’s a total divorce of intent from my very personhood and the artists who made it.